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Original poster

Husband going to small festival on his birthday

210 replies

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:18

Hi my husband is going to a small festival on his birthday, I brought his ticket - I’m working so can’t go. I thought it was just him his mate and his mates gf
Turns out it’s now his mate his mates gf, his mates ex gf, his mates ex gf taking her 2 older nieces so I feel abit:( now group is going 2 men 4 women atm maybe another women going too.
I won’t be finished work by 3 so not worth me going, they won’t be home to 12am so I’ll be on my own on his birthday - I feel sad as it’s his birthday I won’t see him.

I know it’s 1 day but he rarely goes time off and I feel lonely x

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/07/2025 08:12

Why on earth did you choose to buy him the ticket if it's upsetting you so much, and why didn't you book the day off as annual leave ?
( unless you are a school teacher and not allowed annual leave that day )

It's one day out of 365 days.

Clearly you are regretting your choice of his present.

And as for him not having a week off for years, I suppose he is self employed ?
so this is a choice he makes
and if he is not self employed then this really is a choice he makes !

and this is clearly a problem in your marriage - not him going to a festival, for which you bought the ticket, on his birthday.

maybe next year a bottle of whiskey or aftershave or whatever...

GreyCarpet · 01/07/2025 08:12

Rabbitsockpeony · 01/07/2025 08:08

Hmm. You said this on another thread:

My DH is a MB (matched betting) addict 7 days a week 52 weeks a year never takes time off ruined our marriage
he has RSI and is a recluse as this horrible system

Firstly, not sure you have anything to worry about. 🫢 Also reclusively matched betting 7/7 doesn’t count as ‘working seven days a week and never seeing him’.

Edited

I think this just goes to show how, on any thread, the full truth might be being shared.

Pinty · 01/07/2025 08:13

It was your choice to buy him the ticket. It was a lovely thoughtful and selfless thing to do for him. . Don't spoil the gesture by becoming selfish and needy now
Just enjoy some peace and quiet and a night alone. And wish him a great evening.

whitewineandsun · 01/07/2025 08:14

Comtesse · 01/07/2025 08:09

Well yes - OP bought the ticket - of course he was going to use it. What were you hoping would happen?

Show quote history

Given that apparently he cheated in the past, and she stayed, it sounds like a test, and she wanted him to say no to going because she can't join. That's how it reads to me.

LBFseBrom · 01/07/2025 08:17

You bought him the ticket and knew you weren't going. It's nice that he is going with a few people. Don't be daft about it, it's only one day.

TwistedWonder · 01/07/2025 08:19

Why didn’t you just book the day off work and go to the festival together? I don’t get it

Left · 01/07/2025 08:22

It sounds like the real issue isn’t this one day, but a general lack of time with your partner, if he’s busy seven days a week?

Maybe it’s time to consider if this is the relationship you want.

harriethoyle · 01/07/2025 08:28

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

Show quote history

But YOU bought him the ticket… So you were never going to spend the day with him?!

TheGrimSmile · 01/07/2025 08:31

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:37

Yep im not needy he works 7 days a week hasnt had a week off for years - so i dont think im needy wanting to spend a few hours with him in one day a year

Show quote history

But you bought him the ticket. So you knew he'd be away all day. This is because you've found out other women are going. You need to stop.

Lurker85 · 01/07/2025 08:32

I’m confused what the problem is sorry. You bought him a ticket to a festival you knew you couldn’t go to and now you’re upset he’s going and you’ll be by yourself?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 01/07/2025 08:35

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

Show quote history

You’re talking absolute rubbish.

viques · 01/07/2025 08:37

BUT BUT BUT , you bought him the ticket OP! It’s no good moaning about how you never spend time together if you were the one who bought a single ticket ensuring that you wouldn’t spend time together on his birthday. He clearly wants to have fun on his birthday so has invited a gang of people to go with him. Hope the sun shines for them.

Thingsthatgo · 01/07/2025 08:38

You bought his ticket for him to go.

CoastalCalm · 01/07/2025 08:39

You’ll see him in the morning surely before you go to work ? Have a nice breakfast together - he can always go back to bed for a lie in

silkypyjamas · 01/07/2025 08:41

A classic case on MN to not ask a question if you're not going to like the answer 🤔

HunnyPot · 01/07/2025 08:42

now group is going 2 men 4 women atm maybe another women going too.

Whats your problem? Women can leave the house you know?

flowersandfoil · 01/07/2025 08:43

But you were never going to see him when you bought him the ticket?
who else is going to the festival has no impact on whether you see your husband on his birthday?

why don’t you book the day off and go too?

Resitinas · 01/07/2025 08:53

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

Show quote history

OP, not sure if you've got the possessives mixed up here. It's not YOUR birthday, it's HIS, so it'd be up to him what he did regardless, but the fact is that he's using the present that YOU bought him. Sorry, agree with others - you bought him a gift with silent conditions attached. Not cool.

cryptide · 01/07/2025 08:53

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

Show quote history

Look, it's you who planned something which meant you weren't going to see your husband that day, not anyone replying to this thread. \

Why not see if you can get a day off and go with him?

MsDogLady · 01/07/2025 08:56

Anonusername1234 · 01/07/2025 07:10

I’m sorry you don’t feel validated here, you deserved some understanding and empathy. For what it’s worth I am completely with @PyongyangKipperbang and @MsDogLady you bought him the ticket under certain understandings. Those understandings helped you feel safe. The parameters have changed and you don’t feel safe anymore. This is made more tricky due to his previous cheating.

In these circumstances I’d feel the same and it’s disingenuous for anyone else to say differently.

If he is remorseful for the cheating then you should be able to have an open dialogue as to how this dynamic makes you feel and he should be able to reassure you. I suspect you just rug swept his cheating and this needs to be addressed. The fact you don’t feel you can raise this, and he thinks this is ok, shows nothing has changed in the dynamic of your relationship and I’d be using the time to seriously reconsider whether I wanted to remain married.

Edited

Amen, @Anonusername1234. As you say, the key word here is ‘Safe’.

Everyone: Yes, @2025meme bought the ticket, but it’s understandable that she feels sad that she can’t be there. In addition, the new developments and change in the group status have unsettled her.

The plan was that her H would be enjoying the festival with his friend and the friend’s gf, which felt like a safe scenario to her in light of his previous infidelity. All that has changed now with the shift to a larger group and the addition of several new women who are not friends of their relationship. As H has previously weakened his boundaries and cheated, it’s no wonder that @2025meme‘s sense of safety is now threatened.

@2025meme, I empathize with your sadness that you cannot be present as well as your feelings of distress that the change of plans have engendered.

In my view, continuing to live with the man who inflicted this trauma and caused your pain and mistrust is untenable.

gsiftpoffu · 01/07/2025 08:59

But you weren't going to go with him anyway so what difference does it make if more people go than originally planned?
Why did you buy him a ticket for a festival you couldn't go to if you were later going to complain about not being able to spend his birthdaywith him?

Fizzleawayyy1 · 01/07/2025 09:02

YOU BOUGHT HIM HIS TICKET! and now your moaning because women will be there and you are jealous? god, grow up.

SplendidUtterly · 01/07/2025 09:04

You don't feel "lonely" you feel left out.
I hope your DH enjoys the festival.

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 01/07/2025 09:05

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

Show quote history

but YOU bought him the ticket..... what did you think would happen???

Vaxtable · 01/07/2025 09:09

Sorry you bought him a ticket as he wanted to go, so you must have thought it ok. Then the group got bigger so now you are upset. Just go after work even if it’s for a couple of hours

as to him working 7 days a week speak to him and tell him you would like him to take a day off so you can do something together