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Original poster

Husband going to small festival on his birthday

210 replies

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:18

Hi my husband is going to a small festival on his birthday, I brought his ticket - I’m working so can’t go. I thought it was just him his mate and his mates gf
Turns out it’s now his mate his mates gf, his mates ex gf, his mates ex gf taking her 2 older nieces so I feel abit:( now group is going 2 men 4 women atm maybe another women going too.
I won’t be finished work by 3 so not worth me going, they won’t be home to 12am so I’ll be on my own on his birthday - I feel sad as it’s his birthday I won’t see him.

I know it’s 1 day but he rarely goes time off and I feel lonely x

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 01/07/2025 01:46

@NeedZzzzzssss It's not husband's ex who's going. It's his friend's ex (along with friend and friends gf). Husband's friend is apparently one of those people who gets on with their ex. Good for him

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 01/07/2025 01:48

NeedZzzzzssss · 01/07/2025 01:45

Oh OK, well that's better. I was wondering why people weren't making a big deal about it, usually men aren't allowed to hang out with other females on here

Show quote history

I think Op is insecure because there are now 3 or 4 other women going who may or may not have partners, and whom two of which are 20 year old nieces.

but there will be loads of women there it’s presumably a public festival. If he’s going to cheat he could easily find someone else. Not that he will it’s just an example.

IberianBlackout · 01/07/2025 02:06

Can you use your annual leave and just join them?

Codlingmoths · 01/07/2025 02:19

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 01/07/2025 01:48

I think Op is insecure because there are now 3 or 4 other women going who may or may not have partners, and whom two of which are 20 year old nieces.

but there will be loads of women there it’s presumably a public festival. If he’s going to cheat he could easily find someone else. Not that he will it’s just an example.

Edited
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But also because she doesn’t get any time with him.
my husband working 7 days a week would have me pretty fed up. Id tell him to pick a day in the next 2 months that he can spend with me or there’s just no point, and you are thinking about ending it. And one day every 2 months is an ongoing minimum, you don’t value his endless working, you do value him, but what’s the point of that if you never see him?
but I’m not clear from the ops posts if he’s cheated before. If he’s cheated on you and found the time to do that while never prioritising time with you then should you value him? Is he worth keeping?

Lavendersong · 01/07/2025 02:25

You’re feeling a bit insecure

That’s ok. It happens

It was lovely of you to buy his ticket even though you couldn’t join him.

Just don’t unload your insecurities on your DH and cause any unnecessary arguments

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 01/07/2025 02:26

Codlingmoths · 01/07/2025 02:19

But also because she doesn’t get any time with him.
my husband working 7 days a week would have me pretty fed up. Id tell him to pick a day in the next 2 months that he can spend with me or there’s just no point, and you are thinking about ending it. And one day every 2 months is an ongoing minimum, you don’t value his endless working, you do value him, but what’s the point of that if you never see him?
but I’m not clear from the ops posts if he’s cheated before. If he’s cheated on you and found the time to do that while never prioritising time with you then should you value him? Is he worth keeping?

Show quote history

True, but the thing is though, she bought him the ticket. So despite everything she must have been ok for him to go at the time. Obviously they need to talk about things as 7 days a week working not spending time together is shite, but she can’t backtrack on his birthday present.

Tiredandtiredagain · 01/07/2025 02:45

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

Show quote history

Your problem is not about seeing him on his birthday…

Its the fact you never see him at other times, the fact that he hasn’t hsd a week off for years.

The divorce will be about that, not one day of his birthday.

Also, are you saying he’s had an affair?

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/07/2025 02:46

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:18

Hi my husband is going to a small festival on his birthday, I brought his ticket - I’m working so can’t go. I thought it was just him his mate and his mates gf
Turns out it’s now his mate his mates gf, his mates ex gf, his mates ex gf taking her 2 older nieces so I feel abit:( now group is going 2 men 4 women atm maybe another women going too.
I won’t be finished work by 3 so not worth me going, they won’t be home to 12am so I’ll be on my own on his birthday - I feel sad as it’s his birthday I won’t see him.

I know it’s 1 day but he rarely goes time off and I feel lonely x

I get it.

You bought him a nice gift that he was going to use with his mate. Except now its a group event that you are not involved in.

I would feel down about that too.

Its the feeling that when he works so much, so hardly spends time with you, he took a gift you gave him and turned it into a party that you cant attend. It may not be logical but it is hurtful.

ETA just saw your post that he cheated on you. Forget the birthday, just bin him off.

He has cheated on you, so found time for that. Has a festival he wants to go to, so found time for that. When has he ever found time for you?

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 01/07/2025 03:02

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/07/2025 02:46

I get it.

You bought him a nice gift that he was going to use with his mate. Except now its a group event that you are not involved in.

I would feel down about that too.

Its the feeling that when he works so much, so hardly spends time with you, he took a gift you gave him and turned it into a party that you cant attend. It may not be logical but it is hurtful.

ETA just saw your post that he cheated on you. Forget the birthday, just bin him off.

He has cheated on you, so found time for that. Has a festival he wants to go to, so found time for that. When has he ever found time for you?

Edited
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She didn’t say he’d cheated.

its also a public event. It’s common other people they know may go especially if they all live in the same area. OP hasn’t even said whether they were specially invited or have just decided to rock up knowing their mates are going. It would be different if it was a house party or meal out. OP could’ve taken time off work to go but presumably didn’t want to.

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 01/07/2025 03:04

She wrote another post saying her male friend cheated on someone. Nothing about her H unless I’ve missed something.

InWalksBarberalla · 01/07/2025 03:06

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

Show quote history

Huh? You were the one who purchased the ticket in the first place!

ItsNotLupus · 01/07/2025 03:35

If you wanted to spend time with your DH on his birthday, why didn't you either book it off work, or not buy him tickets for an event you couldn't go to and instead make plans with him for after work? Sorry OP but it does sound like you only became bothered by the situation when you learned other women would be there.

OntheBorder1 · 01/07/2025 03:41

But you bought him the ticket - what did you want him to do, say thank you and then throw it in the bin? Confused

You were never going to go, so why are you complaining about it now? He's allowed to have fun with his friends on his birthday.

TwinklyNight · 01/07/2025 04:30

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

Show quote history

But you bought him the ticket!

MsDogLady · 01/07/2025 04:31

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 01/07/2025 03:04

She wrote another post saying her male friend cheated on someone. Nothing about her H unless I’ve missed something.

@2025meme commented on a thread (not hers) that her H cheated with a stranger 3 years ago.

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 01/07/2025 04:33

MsDogLady · 01/07/2025 04:31

@2025meme commented on a thread (not hers) that her H cheated with a stranger 3 years ago.

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Oh right. Bit of a drip feed that she didn’t mention it here

FeistyCat · 01/07/2025 04:52

YANBU wanting to spend time with him, to be honest I would call in sick that day then you can be with him. One day off sick after so many years of not having a day off? It would be a no-brainer decision for me. Have the day off. Spend it together. YOLO.

But you mentioning these women makes it sounds like your don't trust your husband and the women going are now the reason you're not happy. At least that is how you come across. That the issue is the women going.

braintrees · 01/07/2025 05:21

Op, if you were the mate’s current gf I’d be understanding the post.
You may not be but you come across as insecure. I suggest you go on a different day with him to celebrate his birthday together, just the 2 of you. I am sure he won’t say no to yet another special thing going on for him.

Macaroni46 · 01/07/2025 05:26

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

Show quote history

But you bought him the ticket? I’m confused! Why buy him the ticket knowing you had to work if you wanted to spend time with him?

SueblueNZ · 01/07/2025 05:29

If you want to spend more time together, why did you buy him a ticket to the festival knowing that you wouldn't spend his birthday together as you couldn't go?
He has been open and transparent about who will be going with him - good for him! Could you take leave to go too?

SiobahnRoy · 01/07/2025 05:33

You finish work at 3, any decent festival will only just be getting going late afternoon so go and enjoy the evening with him.

Or don’t go, sit at home sulking about him using the ticket you bought him and feeling sorry for yourself.

DreamTheMoors · 01/07/2025 05:37

Is there any possible way you can get off work?
A vacay day?
Call in sick with a migraine? Covid? Something? Anything?
Where there’s a will, there’s a way out.
i hope whatever happens you don’t beat yourself up too very much.

Cucy · 01/07/2025 05:44

Some people will do anything to make everything about them.

It’s his birthday, you have no right to feel sad over him doing something that he wants to do.
If he wanted to go away for a week (if no kids) then that would be fine too.

You live together and presumably see him almost everyday.
So I can’t see how you’d be sad for not being able to spend one day with him.

Please don’t make him feel guilty for enjoying his birthday.

malificent7 · 01/07/2025 06:12

I think it's about the ex being there on his birthday and not you. Normal to feel a bit sad abouy it but don't read to much into it.

Scarydinosaurs · 01/07/2025 06:13

Why didn’t you book his birthday off?

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