Husband going to small festival on his birthday

[2025meme]

Hi my husband is going to a small festival on his birthday, I brought his ticket - I’m working so can’t go. I thought it was just him his mate and his mates gf
Turns out it’s now his mate his mates gf, his mates ex gf, his mates ex gf taking her 2 older nieces so I feel abit:( now group is going 2 men 4 women atm maybe another women going too.
I won’t be finished work by 3 so not worth me going, they won’t be home to 12am so I’ll be on my own on his birthday - I feel sad as it’s his birthday I won’t see him.

I know it’s 1 day but he rarely goes time off and I feel lonely x

YOU GOT HIM THE TICKETS!!! You chose to get him the tickets knowing that meant you couldn’t see him. Grow up ffs

It's because there are suddenly more women going and she's paranoid he's going to cheat on her again.

Lots of “lol” from the Op

So maybe you don’t feel “ sad as it’s his birthday I won’t see him.” Anymore OP

If you felt that strongly you’d have booked the day off work / got a swap / tried to alter work. Your first post focuses on the male:female ratio which seems to be a concern to you.

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

OP, your own husband is one of those “people”!

lol

So basically, you weren't that bothered but now more people are going and it sounds more fun you've developed FOMO and now you are backtracking and saying isn't it reasonable to want to see him on his birthday and he works so much this is the only day in the year you can see him. Presumably, you aren't planning on taking the day off to join him at the festival so what do you want? Us to all tell you how unreasonable he is so that you can insist he doesn't go to the festival and spends his birthday waiting for you to come home from work instead?

You have 3 options. 1. Get over it and let him enjoy your birthday gift. 2. Take the day off and go and enjoy it with him. 3. Be a massive princess and sulk until he cancels to spend time with you instead. 1 and 2 are the only reasonable options.

I’m sorry you don’t feel validated here, you deserved some understanding and empathy. For what it’s worth I am completely with @PyongyangKipperbang and @MsDogLady you bought him the ticket under certain understandings. Those understandings helped you feel safe. The parameters have changed and you don’t feel safe anymore. This is made more tricky due to his previous cheating.

In these circumstances I’d feel the same and it’s disingenuous for anyone else to say differently.

If he is remorseful for the cheating then you should be able to have an open dialogue as to how this dynamic makes you feel and he should be able to reassure you. I suspect you just rug swept his cheating and this needs to be addressed. The fact you don’t feel you can raise this, and he thinks this is ok, shows nothing has changed in the dynamic of your relationship and I’d be using the time to seriously reconsider whether I wanted to remain married.

Of course you can feel disappointed that you can’t spend his birthday with him, but you’ve made a lot of emphasis in your post about the other women who are attending so you can see why people think that’s the reason you’re not happy.

If it was simply about missing him on his birthday there’d be no need to go into the other attendees at all, never mind give in depth descriptions of them.

Not an awful lot you can do without sounding slightly deranged I’m afraid.

Next year book the day off and plan something in advance. Working 7 days a week is a ridiculous state of affairs.

Was he meant to go on his own then? If it mattered you should book time off.

Madness you need to get a life op

if he works 7 days and you never do anything together then what’s the point of the relationship at all - that’s no life.

why didn’t you take the day off for his birthday if you were so bothered about wanting to not miss out

You got him the ticket. If you really wanted to see him surely you would have booked annual leave??

Other than mates ex of and her neices being there too nothing has changed about when you see him generally or on his birthday. Sounds like he doesn't get a lot of free time dont grudge him attending.

Oh for goodness sake, it's his birthday- why can't he enjoy himself? I'm often away at an event on my birthday - I have never heard my husband complain and say he'll be "lonely", because that would be ludicrous.

This. I don’t get the issue. You should have booked the day off when you bought him his ticket 🤷‍♀️

People aren't being mean to point out that you seemed happy for him to go when it was just 3 of them, and it is only after you realised there were 3 other women that you decided you wanted to spend time with him.

If my dh wants to do something on his birthday I take the day off- do you have to work or could you take it holiday and go to the festival too?

I get that you're envious and feel left out. These things happen though. Just make the most of your own day, there'll be others you can share together.

Call in sick? Take a day off? I cant understand what's the deal is, if you fancy going, go!

This is going to sound like ‘Cancel the cheque’, but again, you bought him the ticket. You’re the one who sent him to a distant festival on his birthday, and were apparently fine with this until more women were going with him…

If you were that bothered about spending time with him on his birthday you'd have booked leave or swapped a shift, instead of moaning about not being able to spend time with him because he's going along to something you booked him a ticket for

I’ve got news for you OP: they won’t be the only women there. I don’t understand why you bought him a ticket knowing you couldn’t go, if you wanted to spend his birthday with him. What’s this? Some sort of test to see if he would say, “Thanks for the ticket but I would rather spend my birthday with you instead?”

But you bought him the ticket....?

Oh mate grow up

Ignore the alternative world of Mumsnet OP.

Back in the real world everyone understands why you are bit put out that your H is celebrating his birthday with a group of people that doesn’t include you.

That was true even before your updates that you hardly see your H anyway. And it’s even more understandable with your update.

Sympathies OP. You maybe need to think about your marriage if your H spends so little time with you, and is choosing to spend special occasions away from you. That is not behaviour that sustains a relationship.

First post, as they say, nails it.

Yes I’m aware of that, but the OP is trying to insist it isn’t - obviously.