Husband going to small festival on his birthday

[2025meme]

Hi my husband is going to a small festival on his birthday, I brought his ticket - I’m working so can’t go. I thought it was just him his mate and his mates gf
Turns out it’s now his mate his mates gf, his mates ex gf, his mates ex gf taking her 2 older nieces so I feel abit:( now group is going 2 men 4 women atm maybe another women going too.
I won’t be finished work by 3 so not worth me going, they won’t be home to 12am so I’ll be on my own on his birthday - I feel sad as it’s his birthday I won’t see him.

I know it’s 1 day but he rarely goes time off and I feel lonely x

But YOU BOUGHT HIM THE TICKET! Why do they if you didn't want him to go??

If you're that bothered, why did you get him something you cant go to or book the day off work?

Can't you celebrate another day instead or make the effort and go at 3pm in you're that upset? Surely it'll be on until 10pm at least?

misswd the point my husand works a lot we don’t spend much time together so won’t be able to do anything another day

But you bought the bloody ticket. Ffs.

Grow up

So he's never allowed out again?!

You bought the ticket so he was always going to be out until after midnight…

You bought him the bloody ticket! Why not just be honest and say you don’t trust him?

I don't get this. You're the one who bought him a ticket to a festival that's on his birthday that you couldn't attend. Now you're complaining that you won't see him on the day. Why did you buy the ticket then? Did you expect him to attend for a couple of hours and rush back to you? Let him enjoy the festival. You mentioned the ex gf and her young adult nieces as though they're a problem but then backtracked and said they're not an issue. There will be loads of other women at the festival I'd guess, so if trust is an issue then again, why buy him a ticket to go somewhere alone?

It’s just a day. His birthday - why did you not book it off work if you wanted to see him so bad? Seems you’re just jealous now other women are going. It’s his birthday - is he supposed to spend it indoors alone cause you can’t go?

make him book a few days off together soon and celebrate belatedly. If he won’t take leave to be with you then that’s another matter entirely

You aren’t upset about not seeing him on his birthday, you’re upset about him spending time around women.

If you wanted to see him on his birthday you wouldn’t have bought him the ticket to go with his mate and mate’s girlfriend. There was absolutely no chance of seeing him, but that only became a problem for you when you discovered there was a group.

If you are insecure in your relationship you need to address that directly. Don’t misrepresent it as ‘just wanting to spend time with him on his birthday’ when you are the one who created that situation.

But you bought him the ticket, knowing it’s in his birthday! Stop whinging and either go along and join them after work or let him enjoy himself.

You don't feel lonely about not spending his birthday with him. You got him the ticket in the first place.

You don't trust him around that many women.

Believe it or not some women just want to enjoy the event too, they're not all ready to jump your husband. However if he has given you reason not to trust him then you should be concerned about him rather than them.

But you bought the ticket, so you knew you wouldn’t be seeing him on his birthday. It seems it only became a problem when you knew there would be women in the group he is going with.

You asked another poster if her partner had cheated on her, so I assume yours has and you now have no trust in your relationship. If he is going to cheat he will and there will be hundreds of women at the festival besides his friends.

Be with a cheat will make you insecure. Is this how you want to live?

Can you not take a day off work and join them?

You bought him the ticket! Of course you’ll miss him, but couldn’t you two have a date night then next day or the night before?

It sounds as though you didn’t mind him going with just his one friend, but now there’s a group and you feel left out. Why not go in the afternoon when you finish work? You can join in for a few hours.

otherwise, you need to own your feelings of being left out, and realise you’ve contributed to the situation by buying his ticket. You need to own your feelings and then get over them. Your husband has done nothing wrong!

Wait, you bought its ticket and now you’ve got a cob on that he’s going? WTF is the logic there? “Here’s a present, but if you use it I’m going to sulk and mutter about divorce rates”.

If I'm reading it right, then I think the answer is that, as you well know, you didn't seem to mind when it was him, friend, and friend's OH. You only wanted to spend time with him so badly when the alternative is he's at a festival with some gorgeous 20 yr olds in denim shorts and wellies (I don't know what people wear to festivals now. Bucket hats still?)

This

You never mentioned his working patterns in your original post, you did however mention in quite some detail which females would be going. It very much appears that your loneliness was triggered, not by him going to the festival but by the additional females that would be there to. If spending time with him on his birthday was so important to you why didn’t you book that day off?

I understand your feelings OP, but I don't understand why you got him the ticket if you wanted to spend time with him on his Birthday?

I am a bit lost here as you got him the ticket, now are complaining he is going. Bizarre.

@2025meme, I agree with everything @PyongyangKipperbang has said.

Of course you are sad that you won’t see your H on his birthday. In addition, your gift to him has taken a different turn that makes you uncomfortable, and that is valid.

(1) You hardly ever see this man. You cannot go to the festival, but you hoped he’d have a good time with his mate and his gf. Now, as PK pointed out, the outing has turned into a party, which will undoubtedly change the whole dynamic. The celebration will now include several women who are not long-time friends of H or of you as a couple. This has unsettled you because …

(2) Your H cheated 3 years ago and you do not trust him. He shifted the blame for his faithless behavior to ‘believing you were cheating’, which was ludicrous. With his history, I understand why you feel uneasy about this upcoming event which has turned into a party group with new women, as he has previously trashed his fidelity.

@2025meme, may I ask why you have stayed with this man who abused you via his adultery and then refused to take responsibility? If he has not shown remorse by making amends, strengthening his boundaries, and investing his emotional energy, time and attention in you and your marriage, then why are you sabotaging your peace of mind by staying?

Are you going to speak to him about your discomfort regarding the festival?

You should have booked the day off or swapped shifts or something if you really wanted to spend his birthday with him!?

I don't understand why you thought it was OK when it was just 3 people going but suddenly aren't OK with it when it's a few more.

You wouldn't have been spending the time with him anyway so it's not about that.

Sounds like you are paranoid he's going to cheat on you which suggests there are bigger issues in your relationship.

I don’t understand why you bought him a ticket and you’re now complaining that he’s going? Why didn’t you buy tickets for both of you if that was a problem. Nobody’s being nasty, it’s just difficult to understand.

But but YOU BOUGHT HIM THE TICKET

But you bought him the ticket. No matter who was going with him, if you were working, you were never going to see much of him on his birthday if he were at a festival and you were at work..?

I think it's because there are now more women going and he has previously cheated on her.

OP the problem isn't that he's going to a festival. The problem is you are staying in a relationship with someone you clearly don't trust.