Page 5 | Husband going to small festival on his birthday

GreyCarpet · 01/07/2025 07:38

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:37

Yep im not needy he works 7 days a week hasnt had a week off for years - so i dont think im needy wanting to spend a few hours with him in one day a year

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You seem to have conflated a few issues and may be a bit confused about what you're unhappy about.

You bought him the ticket so you already knew that he would be spending the day apart from you because you facilitated it.

So is it the thought of him spending his birthday with several other women that you don't like?

If you finish work at 3 and they'll be home at midnight, there isn't anything to stop you going along and joining them if you want to. I wouldn't but that's because I'd be shattered and don't like joining in already established social things but it's always an option.

Anonusername1234 · 01/07/2025 07:39

marbledliving · 01/07/2025 07:34

Ignore the alternative world of Mumsnet OP.

Back in the real world everyone understands why you are bit put out that your H is celebrating his birthday with a group of people that doesn’t include you.

That was true even before your updates that you hardly see your H anyway. And it’s even more understandable with your update.

Sympathies OP. You maybe need to think about your marriage if your H spends so little time with you, and is choosing to spend special occasions away from you. That is not behaviour that sustains a relationship.

Thank goodness for posts like this I thought I was going mad!

Shes been cheated on, still recovering (only three years ago) and the parameters of this birthday treat have shifted for her and have left her feeling unsafe.

I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t feel bad in her position. Tbh I think her posts downplay her feelings.

This thread is nasty. Total lack of empathy and support, this is not the AIBU thread!

FlatErica · 01/07/2025 07:40

Just saw the post commenting about him cheating on you with a strange woman a few years ago. Obviously, the issue is that you don’t trust him around strange women, which makes your choice of a ticket to a festival where there will presumably be women and alcohol and a party atmosphere quite weird. At the moment it looks like you’re only option is to tell him honestly how you feel and see what he says. I wouldn’t stay with someone who cheated on me, though.

BlueberryBagel · 01/07/2025 07:40

I don’t understand why you can’t go straight after work? Even if it’s two hours away you’d still get 7 hours if it finishes at midnight?

Starlight7080 · 01/07/2025 07:41

I'm confused. You didnt mind not seeing him or going when it was just his friend and gf.
But now its more women you want to see him and go?
Does he have a history of cheating? Is that what worries you?
Why buy him the ticket if it was so important to spend the day with him?

Pinkissmart · 01/07/2025 07:42

But you BOUGHT the ticket!
And now you're upset that there will mostly be women there.
Is there a reason you're worried?

JifNtGif · 01/07/2025 07:42

@2025meme you bought him the ticket , what did you think would happen if you were already working ? Did you try to take the day off ?

GreyCarpet · 01/07/2025 07:44

I've only just seen the cheating part.

Tbh, I would have ended it 3 years ago when it happened. But, as you didn't, OP, you need to find a way to get past it or end it.

Divorce rates are high because of things like cheating and never spending any time together because of excessive work commitments. Not because one spouse bought the other a ticket to an event as a birthday present knowing that they couldn't attend and their spouse went.

lazyarse123 · 01/07/2025 07:48

Am I being a bit thick? If you wanted to spend time with him why buy him a ticket? The other people being there are irrelevant.

ChristmasFluff · 01/07/2025 07:50

I still don't get why things changed for OP so recently.

She bought the ticket for him - why do that if you don't trust him. She also bought one ticket, when she could have taken time off work herself to go, if spending time together is so important.

Why is he more likely to cheat with these other women who are going, rather than the numerous women who will be at the festival anyway?

It now sounds like she bought the ticket as some form of test - that he'd then say 'oh, I won't go if you aren't coming.'

There's nothing so lonely as staying with a cheat.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 01/07/2025 07:52

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

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But you ought him the ticket, you set this up and knew you wouldn’t be together so why is it now such a big deal if it’s not about the “other women” being there? You wouldn’t have been lonely of it was only men?

Cheesyfootballs01 · 01/07/2025 07:54

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

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OP the first paragraph of your post says:

Hi my husband is going to a small festival on his birthday, I brought his ticket - I’m working so can’t go. I thought it was just him his mate and his mates gf.

So you knew you wouldn’t be spending his birthday with him? You seem to be fine with that when it was him and his friend/friends GF - but now other women are involved you don’t like it??

marcopront · 01/07/2025 07:56

Thedevilwearsprimarni · 01/07/2025 07:11

Of course you can feel disappointed that you can’t spend his birthday with him, but you’ve made a lot of emphasis in your post about the other women who are attending so you can see why people think that’s the reason you’re not happy.

If it was simply about missing him on his birthday there’d be no need to go into the other attendees at all, never mind give in depth descriptions of them.

If it was about missing him on his birthday, then why buy him the ticket?

OntheBorder1 · 01/07/2025 07:56

localnotail · 01/07/2025 07:25

Call in sick? Take a day off? I cant understand what's the deal is, if you fancy going, go!

If she fancied going surely she would have bought a ticket for herself. Why can't some posters get that?

tbh I would think her DH would be pleased to spend a day away if this is normal drama from OP.

TwistedWonder · 01/07/2025 07:57

What a bizarre thread. OP gave her DH a ticket to a festival for his birthday, she couldn’t attend. Now he’s going with a mixed group she starts a thread moaning she won’t see him on his birthday then accused PP’s of ripping her to shreds, being nasty and being responsible for the high divorce rates then flounces.

Does any of this make sense? I’m confused

Miyagi99 · 01/07/2025 07:58

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

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Why did you buy him a ticket if you didn’t want him to go?

marcopront · 01/07/2025 07:59

marbledliving · 01/07/2025 07:34

Ignore the alternative world of Mumsnet OP.

Back in the real world everyone understands why you are bit put out that your H is celebrating his birthday with a group of people that doesn’t include you.

That was true even before your updates that you hardly see your H anyway. And it’s even more understandable with your update.

Sympathies OP. You maybe need to think about your marriage if your H spends so little time with you, and is choosing to spend special occasions away from you. That is not behaviour that sustains a relationship.

This would make sense if she hadn’t said it wasn’t about the people who were going but about wanting to see him on his birthday.

All her comments are about wanting to see him that day not about who he is going with.

DontTouchRoach · 01/07/2025 07:59

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:41

It’s too far away

so as it’s his birthday I simply should not see him that day lol

no wonder the divorce rate is so high when people think it’s a spices birthday and you shouldn’t se them

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But you were perfectly fine with not seeing him on his birthday until you found out there might be some women there.

whitewineandsun · 01/07/2025 08:00

Zanatdy · 01/07/2025 06:52

I am a bit lost here as you got him the ticket, now are complaining he is going. Bizarre.

She's presumably jealous because she now knows women will join the group. It seems nonsensical, as if he wanted to cheat, he would regardless, as there likely will be lots of women at the event.

Funnywonder · 01/07/2025 08:01

What a strange thread. OP deliberately buys husband a ticket for a festival she can’t attend with him. Then gets all sad and teary eyed that she won’t see him on day of festival (his birthday.) But she wouldn’t have missed him if some extra women hadn’t decided to tag along. It doesn’t make any sense to me. Surely the point is simply that she’s jealous. Not that she’s going to miss her husband. Because he was always going anyway. Facilitated by her.

I think maybe someone was on the vino last night🍷

Rabbitsockpeony · 01/07/2025 08:02

2025meme · 01/07/2025 01:38

Has he cheated on you ?

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Has your husband cheated on you?

Samesame47 · 01/07/2025 08:06

Well you knew when you booked the tickets you wouldn’t be seeing him on his birthday and his only day off in ages. Why didn’t you book the day off so you could also go?

Rabbitsockpeony · 01/07/2025 08:08

Hmm. You said this on another thread:

My DH is a MB (matched betting) addict 7 days a week 52 weeks a year never takes time off ruined our marriage
he has RSI and is a recluse as this horrible system

Firstly, not sure you have anything to worry about. 🫢 Also reclusively matched betting 7/7 doesn’t count as ‘working seven days a week and never seeing him’.

Comtesse · 01/07/2025 08:09

Doyoumind · 01/07/2025 01:45

I'm so confused. You bought him a ticket but now you're annoyed you won't see him? Why does it matter who's going? He's going because you got him the ticket. I don't understand your grievance.

Well yes - OP bought the ticket - of course he was going to use it. What were you hoping would happen?

GreyCarpet · 01/07/2025 08:10

Funnywonder · 01/07/2025 08:01

What a strange thread. OP deliberately buys husband a ticket for a festival she can’t attend with him. Then gets all sad and teary eyed that she won’t see him on day of festival (his birthday.) But she wouldn’t have missed him if some extra women hadn’t decided to tag along. It doesn’t make any sense to me. Surely the point is simply that she’s jealous. Not that she’s going to miss her husband. Because he was always going anyway. Facilitated by her.

I think maybe someone was on the vino last night🍷

Tbh, I can understand that a head decision made sometime in advance can feel very different when it becomes a heart issue closer to the time.

In theory, she was ok with it. In practice, she now isn't. It seems he has cheated on the past and she chose to forgive him. It might have been easy for her to put the thousands of strange/unknown women out of her head (a mass of people he'd be unlikely to have interacted with) but not so easy to put the women he will he spending the whole day with out of her head.

It doesn't make sense from a logical perspective but emotions aren't logical.

The only problem for her is that the only reason he is going is becaise she bought him a ticket. There isn't a solution to this beyond her telling him.she now doesn't want him to go or to go herself. Other than that, she just has to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and address the issue of them rarely seeing each other. Or end it because he cheated and she doesn't trust him.