Husband fancies me less since I got fit?

[LolalaBouche]

Me & DH are both early 40s. One DS (10). Together 20 yrs. DH is gorgeous- tall, dark & handsome, a runner with a great physique. Also aging has improved him- he really suits salt & pepper hair etc. Pppl often comment on his good looks. (He’s also a lovely person). By contrast, I am decidedly physically average and have not improved with age!
Im an ED nurse and in the past 12 months I lost some weight due to work stress. I noticed I was feeling a bit better about myself so started working out, I’ve changed how we eat (always cooked from scratch but started prioritising protein etc), and I’ve started running a bit. So I’m physically now in better shape than I have been since my early 20’s- I’m 5’7 and around 10st 5 so not skinny by any means but slim. I’ve gone from a size 14/16 to a 10. I’ve been told I look well.
DH and I have always had a great sex life but since I’ve lost the weight, he just isn’t as interested. The only sex we’re having is when I initiate it, and it very much feels like he’s having sex with me out of a sense of obligation. He used to be quite handsy when we were alone but that has stopped. He has said that my body feels weird when he hugs me because I’d been curvy for a long time.
I really miss our former intimacy. I would still fancy him if he gained some weight and I feel like I’m somehow being punished for starting to take better care of myself. I’ve always been aware that I was punching but this is just making me feel crap.
Anyone else experienced anything like this?

@Shcab

did you gain the weight back purposefully for your partner?

@Meandmyguy

you couldn’t think do anything worse than an athletic guy?! It’s means healthy. So you mean you don’t find healthy or attractive a turn on? It’s good to be athletic, we all should be if we can!

I think she means wiry.

I find it an absolute turn off.

Have you lost weight from parts of your body that he particularly liked - like boobs or bum or something? We can’t ever choose where we lose weight from but that’s the only thing I can think of to explain it. Or like others say he’s threatened by your new physique as it means you’re more attractive to others (by the law that thinner equals more attractive when it shouldn’t but tends to…?)

Some people are less attracted to their partner when they gain weight, why couldn't it work other way around?

I don't find 'athletic' men physically attractive. I'd much rather a bit of a belly than a 6 pack on a man.

OP, my size fluctuates between a 10 and a 14. I prefer me at a 10, but my partner definitely prefers me at a 14.

No! Again, this thread has got ridiculous! We're now led to believe the OP is as thin as a rake, anorexic, with protruding bones and covered in bruises and THAT'S why her DH isn't interested.

I thiink you are misinterpreting…

This is a really balanced and sensible post.

fabulous username too. 😂

Completely concur with you
It's like you read my mind
I feel he liked his lovely wife being the supposed under dog 😢
Doesn't seem nice whatsoever

Everyone is allowed to have their preferences. Just because you are now fitter and slimmer and perhaps closer to society’s accepted ideal doesn’t mean that’s going to turn on your DH more than before, as he obviously liked your curves and they were familiar and comfortable and may have felt like ‘home’ to him.
Of course you are healthier now which can only be a good thing, and it may just be an adjustment for him.

Yes I feel he's threatened by her new more desirable physique to others
Seems an insecure male to be honest

How would that actually make sense then to not want to sleep with her?

Surely this overly possessive man would be itching to stake his claim?

I think some blokes genuinely like 'curvier' I had the reverse of this, sex life always been very active but since I've put on weight there is many more hands

Yes you would imagine so wouldn't you, because as others have rightly mentioned, this is the minority
However, I've been in a relationship someone whom was genuinely more attracted to me, when I was down, feeling unattractive
When he noticed other men eyeing me up, he would go into silent sulks & threaten to break up with me
He was, self admittingly, with time & some maturity, a very insecure soul whom just found it much more appealing to him, when I was not desired by others
As you can see here, there are others whom obviously also, have their own unique reasons, for wondering the same!
It does happen & we always need to bear in mind, there's exceptions to every rule

Alright calm down 😂
I was just giving another example of how small people can be at certain sizes even if you don’t expect them to be.

Did you not lose belly fat and get a smaller waist as well though? I lost some from bust and hips, but I've still got the same differential between them and my waist as I lost from there too. I'm the exact same shape just smaller.

?
So the potential of a caring partner not wanting to leave a mark a spouse is ridiculous? Think your priorities are way off there ... 🙄

Sure. Back on planet Earth meanwhile...

@LoopyLoo1991

yeah, so Op just needs to eat lots of cake and stop running and gain back weight so he doesn’t bruise her when shagging?? I mean - come on!!

This is one of the stupidest things I've read on here

You’re lucky, I wish mine had gone that way but no boobs and bum both go small and flat. And yeah I lose weight all over but those zone deflate, and then if I put weight on it instantly goes back there. I think it’s why a lot of people get boob jobs after losing weight

My grammar was off.
I am on very strong pain meds at the moment, as I was hospitalised with sunburn on Monday and it made sense in my head.

Point I was trying to make was if there has been a change - broken arm, recovering from surgery or or whatever - someone may be wary of just carrying on as normal, despite reassurances.
Happened to me after Tuberculosis weakened me & an on off ex. Took me three years to regain the health & weight I lost.
It was incredibly anxiety time for me & I've still not fully got over it & mental anguish it caused twelve years later..

@LoopyLoo1991

sorry to hear about your health issues but there is no way that Op as a size 10 is gonna be injured by her partner accidentally during sex because of her frailty. That’s just not what’s going on here. She isn’t underweight. She isn’t ill. Something else going on for her husband.

Agree: I don’t think that’s the issue here.

But I think an affair or some Machiavellian desire to cold shoulder his wife into a return to a state of “unhealthy” ( which we don’t even know she was anyway, quite frankly) is an equally unjustified leap.