Husband fancies me less since I got fit?

[LolalaBouche]

Me & DH are both early 40s. One DS (10). Together 20 yrs. DH is gorgeous- tall, dark & handsome, a runner with a great physique. Also aging has improved him- he really suits salt & pepper hair etc. Pppl often comment on his good looks. (He’s also a lovely person). By contrast, I am decidedly physically average and have not improved with age!
Im an ED nurse and in the past 12 months I lost some weight due to work stress. I noticed I was feeling a bit better about myself so started working out, I’ve changed how we eat (always cooked from scratch but started prioritising protein etc), and I’ve started running a bit. So I’m physically now in better shape than I have been since my early 20’s- I’m 5’7 and around 10st 5 so not skinny by any means but slim. I’ve gone from a size 14/16 to a 10. I’ve been told I look well.
DH and I have always had a great sex life but since I’ve lost the weight, he just isn’t as interested. The only sex we’re having is when I initiate it, and it very much feels like he’s having sex with me out of a sense of obligation. He used to be quite handsy when we were alone but that has stopped. He has said that my body feels weird when he hugs me because I’d been curvy for a long time.
I really miss our former intimacy. I would still fancy him if he gained some weight and I feel like I’m somehow being punished for starting to take better care of myself. I’ve always been aware that I was punching but this is just making me feel crap.
Anyone else experienced anything like this?

But she was very slim to start with, when they got together

So he married you when you were a size 8 but now seems to only fancy you with a layer of fat? For your height and current weight, you must have curves. I mean I'm 2 inches shorter and just about 2 stone lighter and I still have curves. Something is not adding up here and, sorry to put the boot into the body positivity movement, you must be healthier and feel healthier with better food and exercise. I am not sure why your husband requires you to be overweight and less healthy to be attractive. You now have a healthy BMI and you are not underweight. It would disturb me a great deal if if was my husband who was acting like this.

Op said she lost weight due to stress from her job and then started working out as she felt better. We don’t know why the husband is acting like this, so to say it’s purely due to losing weight is a bit stupid when we don’t know all the facts based on one post. Everyone will have a preference to what they are attracted to, but thinking men only prefer bigger bodies is a bit delusional.

All the more reason to think he isn’t driven by a particular size criterion, but rather by the body he is accustomed to loving. If she’s changed quickly maybe he’s struggling to readjust.

I just sometimes feel Mn only ever wants to paint men in the wrong. If he was all over her now we’d all be saying “ typical: so superficial” 🙄 But he’s not … yet we’re still 🙄

As is thinking they only prefer smaller ones. That’s my point.

I’m OPs height and not curvy at all at that weight, bum and boobs and hips disappear. it depends on body type. I have a wide skeleton so weight is spread out more.

Few kilos or not, he's literally told the OP that her 'body feels different'.

Now you'd like to think that a loving partner, and one who got together and fell in love with the OP when she was slimmer, would embrace this change with open arms. Why would anyone comment negatively on weightloss that improved their loved one's health?

You’re right. It’s a man: he must be thinking something sinister. Or Mn wouldn’t be Mn…
I’m forgetting the rules of the game aren’t I.

'i've no answer so I am going to stomp my feet and pretend everyone's being mean to men again'

That isn’t a negative statement it’s an observation.

when you lose weight your body does become different sometimes more angular or a change in face shape. It’s a change after 20 years when they’ve both stayed the same for long time.

why assume bad faith on his part, rather than an adjustment period.

Interesting thread. As someone said, the presumption that 'something weird is going on' because op lost rather than gained weight is telling. And as someone else said its not like a size 14 is unhealthily overweight or even close. I've gone between 14 and 8/10 before and while dp never expressed a preference I did notice there was a lot more handsy behaviour when I was a little bigger.

Something similar happened to me when I had a bit of weight loss and felt more attractive a few years ago but my dh was just not that enthused. But it hasn’t impacted us long term.

It is a negative statement - it didn't need to be said. Of course her body feels different. If she'd had an arm amputated, would he tell her her body looked different?

Normally a partner would say something more along the lines of - 'your body feels great/you look great'.

I wouldn't comment on the bad faith normally, but the OP clearly has concerns about the meaning and the subsequent lack of affection.

No. Just getting tired of the convoluted reasoning that goes on on these threads.

So if your saying you get more attention from men at your lower weight that's interesting as we are led to believe its boobs and bums men would notice.

I agree. That presumption is being driven by women here - even to the extent that he “ must be having an affair.”

But you had a rant about women being obsessed with having a slimmer body. That’s a huge generalisation to make. 61% of women in the UK are either overweight or obese so it’s not all women trying to make themselves slim is it?

Or men are all just different?

Some women like very bulked men who work out, some like slim men, some like men who look broad without looking “ synthetically” bulked. And most of us grow to like the look of people we click with or admire. Maybe he’s just re-adjusting.

Get tired all you like. It's the reality. Head over to the weightloss boards and read some of the threads there about reactions/comments from partners and friends.

(male & female)

The person I was responding to said she loses weight and she suddenly gets much more attention from men. Then her next post said when she loses weight her boobs and bum disappear too.

Strength training fixes the bum issue! I'm a size 8, but have a really curvy bum thanks to strength training (squats, glute bridges and abductor/adductor machines - all with heavy weights).

Pre weight loss Lizzo had boobs and a bum, wonder how many men openly admit to finding her body type more attractive compared to say JLo?

Are you the op who’s husband took the piss whenever she began working out?

It would be interesting to see if he still did without the implants

I think it’s the ratio of waist to boobs and bum that is attractive in a base level - something to do with fertility indicator appeals to prehistoric man.