Husband fancies me less since I got fit?

[LolalaBouche]

Me & DH are both early 40s. One DS (10). Together 20 yrs. DH is gorgeous- tall, dark & handsome, a runner with a great physique. Also aging has improved him- he really suits salt & pepper hair etc. Pppl often comment on his good looks. (He’s also a lovely person). By contrast, I am decidedly physically average and have not improved with age!
Im an ED nurse and in the past 12 months I lost some weight due to work stress. I noticed I was feeling a bit better about myself so started working out, I’ve changed how we eat (always cooked from scratch but started prioritising protein etc), and I’ve started running a bit. So I’m physically now in better shape than I have been since my early 20’s- I’m 5’7 and around 10st 5 so not skinny by any means but slim. I’ve gone from a size 14/16 to a 10. I’ve been told I look well.
DH and I have always had a great sex life but since I’ve lost the weight, he just isn’t as interested. The only sex we’re having is when I initiate it, and it very much feels like he’s having sex with me out of a sense of obligation. He used to be quite handsy when we were alone but that has stopped. He has said that my body feels weird when he hugs me because I’d been curvy for a long time.
I really miss our former intimacy. I would still fancy him if he gained some weight and I feel like I’m somehow being punished for starting to take better care of myself. I’ve always been aware that I was punching but this is just making me feel crap.
Anyone else experienced anything like this?

Withdrawal of intimacy is a problem whatever the reason. But it's not always a deliberate act. It's very very common issue amongst long term couples.

Ridiculous comments like these shows how brainwashed women are. OP was a 14/16 not morbidly obese ffs

straightforward logic at last …

Lie - not most men. Just most men on your radar.

I saw men from all different corners of the world telling Lizzo to ditch the fat shamers in the West and come to X and Y country where her very size is revered.

I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you. If you think a curvy woman is fat, I feel very sorry for you! Curvy: Marilyn Monroe, Miss Piggy, Jessica Rabbit, Nigella Lawson. Lizzo is fat, in saying that I'm sure she's no short of suitors.

Same when a partner balloons in weight, most would find that a turn off.

Well yes and the comments on this thread back this up

I personally think that it’s a big change. A friend had the same change ( from 14 to 10) and she looks really different now. She also give out a bit different vibe as she is very focus on diet and exercise. You mentioned increasing protein - it’s what she would be talking about in a restaurant on a dinner out. I don’t know how to explain it but it feels different.
So I wonder if it’s something like this for your DH - your vibe has changed, maybe you are less relaxed about pizza or glass of wine with him, and you are off doing exercises instead of sitting and holding his hand as before. I don’t say he is right but maybe he is talking about change in your family lifestyle when he says about you being different.
I also wonder if he struggles to articulate the differences or maybe don’t feel that he can do it considering that you are healthier and happier now so he doesn’t want to piss on your chips.
Of course I might be wrong and he might be just a selfish jealous twat who wanted to confide you to cooking and baking forever. I’m just offering a different perspective. I was out with my friend a few days ago and choosing a restaurant, choosing food and then listening her comments about vegs, carbs and amount of calories in wine was not easy 🙂. She wouldn’t agree with me of course.

Yes that's true too. I had a friend who was probably what was classed as morbidly obese and the men in Egypt loved her. What we perceive as attractive is just what we have been led to believe, look at old paintings, I'd be describing many of the women in them as flabby!

A lot of responses here seem to be based on the idea of male sexuality being similar to female sexuality and there's plenty of evidence that men are far, far more turned on by visual stimuli and that they like a certain thing (big breasts, elegant feet, large bum, full thighs or whatever) than women. Think of all the men who go off and buy their mature, sensible wives bright red suspenders, stockings and a lacy thong for Christmas. Or chase female amputees. Think of the increasing number of men who want to dress in women's underwear and pretend they're women, or dress as babies and wear nappies... (Ew, no, don't think about that — sorry)

They really do.

I find it quite alarming.

My partner has put on 2 stone since we’ve been together - it hasn’t made me less attracted to him because I am in love with him as a person. I honestly cannot get enough of him in the bedroom ( or anywhere else). I only really want him to lose weight for health reasons and I want us to live a long and happy life together.

Most people on this thread are saying men prefer curves, no one has said anything about men finding women of Lizzo’s size attractive.

All I'm saying is women seem to strive for an image that most men don't even prefer. What women think men find attractive and what most men actually find attractive is quite differen

I agree with this. I used to model (was tall and thin) and got lots of compliments on women re my figure. When I filled out a bit eg normal BMI not underweight I got much more male attention.

Watch men’s eyes in a museum of classical sculpture.

Rounded bellies and full thighs get a lot of lingering glances.

You said most men would prefer someone else to Lizzo. I responded to say - some men, not most.

I wondered about this, if its changed the dynamics between you slightly?

Yes to me curvy is hourglass or sometimes pear shaped women. And if anyone watches love island (guilty pleasure!) or has seen pictures of the contestants many of the women meet the description of curvy. Flat stomach, slim legs, small waist but pert rounded bums, sometimes wide hips, and relatively big (for their frame) boobs.

I was curvy from size 6-12, interestingly when I got to size 14/16 I started to become shapeless because my waist got so big and I don’t really have the biggest hips so I just looked big all over rather than hourglass. But when I put on weight in my early 20s I was curvy and fat. This time I was just fat 😂

Exactly!

Very similar to my experiences. In fact I’d go further and say when I was extremely thin I had more than constant compliments from women: I had a kind of obsequious respect.

I sometimes think as women we have more internalised madness than men, who are just floating along mating with whoever takes their fancy.

A lot of men genuinely have a sexual preference for plus, curvy, and even (gasp, shock, appall) fat women.

Why is that so hard for some women to believe?

This
Also, I feel that OP has always considered herself 'less than' DH which is sad.
OP needs to go with what is right for her.
Frank discussion is required

I don't want to lower the tone here but I'm a lanky sod and DH has said that I feel very 'bony' in certain positions. Could it be something like this?
Otherwise, I'm baffled. Why on earth wouldn't you want the person you love to be in good health?

My DH prefers bigger/curvier/however you want to describe it bodies - he's never dated anyone smaller than a size 14 to 16 I'd say. I've lost a fair bit of weight recently and while I'm still bigger/curvier and happy where I am now, I know that if I had lost more weight than I have it's likely he would no longer be attracted to me in the same way - same as I'd no longer be attracted to him if he shaved his beard off or got very skinny. He's allowed a preference - equally you're allowed to do with your body as you wish!