((TW SA)) Advice needed on an issue please.

[Notintothis]

Hi, just looking for opinions on this as I feel like I've lost perspective. DH is very into 'sexting' and asking for pictures of me. We are both almost 40, busy lives, jobs ect. I often work from home, writing reports and things but they do take up a lot of brain power even if I'm home. He does it constantly, will start off a conversation like "what you up to?" And within 2 or 3 texts is asking for pictures of my "tits or arse". I always let him know I'm busy working but he still asks and persists or gets annoyed if I don't/can't. It will be at the most inconvenient of times too. Every day I leave the house at 7.50, at 7.48 or similar he will text saying morning, I reply hello, then get "are you getting changed?" And a request for pics. Whatever I'm doing he tries to start a conversation and it always turns to sex within a few messages. It's really putting me off speaking to him. He has me backed into a corner to as if I say I'm busy I get told I'm being mean or not interested in him. If I ignore him, he persists and says I'm like "Andy's toys" when the conversation turns to sex as I stop responding. I've literally had texts saying "ah you've turned into Andy's toys again". It's driving me mad. If I don't respond he is in a mood, but I dont want to. I've literally started to work in the office so when I get requests for pictures I can say I'm in the office, but this is super inconvenient for me and not always possible and even then he still wants to talk about it. I'll say I'm in the office and he'll be like "well what you want me to do to you if you were at home?" It's really gross. Is this normal??? Am I mean for not wanting it all the time? We have a pretty regular and decent sex life, or at least I thought we did. Few times a week, although he would like it every day. He is constantly grabbing me, feeling me up, etc. there is very little conversation about anything else, some around plans and the kids but it always turns to sex within a few messages. Please give me some ideas as it's literally driving me mad! Sorry this is long

Has he always been like this?

Not normal at all. Very abnormal in fact and grim.
A grown up conversation is needed.

No! It's definitely getting much more frequent. He has always been into sexting and pictures but it is literally multiple times a day, everyday at the minute.

If I speak to him about it he just gets huffy, says he can't help finding me attractive, everyone is doing etc. makes me feel bad for not wanting to! Like everyone else in the world is constantly at it and I'm a freak for not!!

Your mistake was for ever sending even 1 pic.
Suggest he seeks professional help as he is nowt but a bloody sex pest.

So he's a bit like the teenage boys at school who used to call girls frigid for not putting out on the first date - "But everyone's doing it".

Gross.

He is a sex pest.

He thinks your only function in life is to provide him with sex. You aren't supposed to have a life as a normal human being.

I would be suspicious as to what he does with these pictures he keeps demanding from you. Do you think he is uploading them to one of these websites for others to see? I would be very wary about what you agree to send him.

He’s a weirdo

i couldn’t be doing with this & would be having a serious conversation about how this makes you feel. No it’s not normal at all. My ex would do it sometimes but not as bad as this and it gave me the ick. It almost amounts to sexual harrassment. Just because you’re married does not mean he doesn’t get to respect your boundaries when you say no. If he doesn’t stop after a serious conversation I’d be re-thinking the whole relationship & if I could carry on at all.

You’re married to Jay from the inbetweeners?

He literally tells me I am "built for fucking", like I serve no other purpose, but it's said as the ultimate compliment! It's constant. I have to wear clothes with ties or belts so he can't pull them down or puts his hands down them at any given opportunity. Can't be seen in my underwear or it's constant groping. He will come and watch any time he thinks I'm going to get changed.

Do people literally send no pictures? He requests them daily. I don't think he would up load them, any he does get are very rubbish and I'm not as attractive as he seems to think, I'm not sure anyone would be interested in a pic of an old bra....!

Feels like it!!! It feels gross and is super annoying. But he makes me feel so bad about it, I question whether it's just me being miserable!!

This is so disgusting.

I feel like I've lost grip on reality!! Like I have no idea what would be normal!!!

It’s no where near normal. No one I know does this or gets this from their husband. The huffing is coercive. I suggest you have a very serious chat about it, ie stop treating me like porn or you’ll be in the bin. He’s gross.

im honestly not sure how I would respond to this. I’m pretty sure it would give me the ick and the relationship would be over. I might try just once to say ‘who is this’ and follow up with a message on other media to ‘DH’ that his account had been hacked.

looks like you got yourself a sex pest there. Up to you what you do about that info.

And him making you feel bad for this. Yup. Sex pest ? Is this what you want for your life?

hope you have not already had DC.

Is he just wanking all the time when he’s asking for these photos?

I think it has given me the ick!! I just avoid conversations with him as I know what it will lead to. My whole life revolves around avoiding being harassed by him!!

Let him get huffy. He is being totally ridiculous. Just say no next time and mean it.

I have no idea!! He is at work most of the time so don't see how he can be.....!!!

OP this is nowhere near normal. You have to wear clothes that stop him sexually assaulting you?

I’ve never sent my DH a picture and he’s never asked. Not since a relationship in my early twenties have I even thought about it. The way he talks to you is also not normal. Are you happy in this relationship? Do you have children?

I have told him no today and am currently being ignored.

You are describing sexual abuse. He is sexually assaulting you on a daily basis. You have to wear belts in an attempt to stop him because he does not listen when you say no. None of this is remotely normal.

I've been married for over a decade, we have an active and quite wild sex life - I have never, ever sent him a picture. He's never asked for one. He doesn't grope me or pester me or talk vulgarly about me. He thinks I'm an actual person, not a sex doll. Ring Women's Aid.

I would tell him once that I hated it and that he needs to stop asking.

I’d tell him it is sexual harassment.

I’d say it verbally, then by text, so it was very clear that you do not consent to this behaviour.

Then if he continued, I’d start making plans to leave.