((TW SA)) Advice needed on an issue please.

[Notintothis]

Hi, just looking for opinions on this as I feel like I've lost perspective. DH is very into 'sexting' and asking for pictures of me. We are both almost 40, busy lives, jobs ect. I often work from home, writing reports and things but they do take up a lot of brain power even if I'm home. He does it constantly, will start off a conversation like "what you up to?" And within 2 or 3 texts is asking for pictures of my "tits or arse". I always let him know I'm busy working but he still asks and persists or gets annoyed if I don't/can't. It will be at the most inconvenient of times too. Every day I leave the house at 7.50, at 7.48 or similar he will text saying morning, I reply hello, then get "are you getting changed?" And a request for pics. Whatever I'm doing he tries to start a conversation and it always turns to sex within a few messages. It's really putting me off speaking to him. He has me backed into a corner to as if I say I'm busy I get told I'm being mean or not interested in him. If I ignore him, he persists and says I'm like "Andy's toys" when the conversation turns to sex as I stop responding. I've literally had texts saying "ah you've turned into Andy's toys again". It's driving me mad. If I don't respond he is in a mood, but I dont want to. I've literally started to work in the office so when I get requests for pictures I can say I'm in the office, but this is super inconvenient for me and not always possible and even then he still wants to talk about it. I'll say I'm in the office and he'll be like "well what you want me to do to you if you were at home?" It's really gross. Is this normal??? Am I mean for not wanting it all the time? We have a pretty regular and decent sex life, or at least I thought we did. Few times a week, although he would like it every day. He is constantly grabbing me, feeling me up, etc. there is very little conversation about anything else, some around plans and the kids but it always turns to sex within a few messages. Please give me some ideas as it's literally driving me mad! Sorry this is long

Not normal, IMO.

If you have access to his phone swap you and his mum/dsis over in the contacts and see what happens when he sends his next text.
And delete all the photos of yourself.

He's revolting

Why the hell are you going along with this?

I think it's been so long and he is the only man I've been with, he tells me it's normal so I believed it. He frames it as compliments and I should be flattered by the attention and I believed it. It feels wrong but then I bring something up and get told why I'm wrong and it makes sense so I believe it. I don't really talk to friends about it so it's not like I'm hearing that it's not

Send him a link to these people every time he asks for photos https://saauk.info/

There's nothing wrong with sexting or sending pictures if it's between 2 adults who trust each other and both want to do it. I wouldn't say it's the norm in relationships were people are married with children and certainly not normal to be sending pictures when working.
What he is doing crosses the line to sexual abuse, he knows you don't want to do it and he is coercing you. What happened when you were asleep is horrific and is sexual assault.
I think you'd be best ending the relationship, but if you want to stay with him you need to set very clear boundaries that he doesn't grope you, doesn't sext you during working hours and doesn't sexually assault you whilst you sleep. He also needs therapy for sex addiction.

I am so horrified. He is sexually assaulting you and harassing you, and frankly raping you (inside you when you are asleep). This is NOT normal AT ALL. And he has managed to get you to think that you are the one with the problem. You are not. Please see he is not treating you like a whole human being.

So, rape as well as sexual assualt

So what financial position are you in?

Do you own your home? Is there equity?

Make plans to see a solicitor about divorce. He won't change

Are these photos wank fodder or is he sharing them with others online?
He's aervert which ever one it is.

God above. I’ve got a high sex drive but this would drive me bonkers! I would lay it out crystal clear - I need to be able to work, I don’t want you to constantly ask for photos.

i occasionally send DP one, but it’s every few months out of the blue! He has never, ever asked for one and tbh unless he is away it’s a bit random when we live together and have probably literally seen each other naked a few hours ago 😂

He needs help

Pervert.

Oh yuk yuk yuk

Please tell me you've not been married for very long

and that you don't have children with him !

and as for

' I have to wear clothes with ties or belts so he can't pull them down or puts his hands down them at any given opportunity. '

He is vile.

She needs help. He needs locking up. I don't buy for one moment that he doesn't know he's being abusive. He's told himself OP doesn't matter and all that matters is him getting his rocks off. No man should need help to realise he shouldn't be inside a sleeping woman.

I've literally woken up to his hands inside me and him wanking in bed next to me

You must reframe your thinking OP, you are not being unreasonable for wanting to leave a man who sexually assaults you and has coerced you over the years into thinking this is normal behaviour.

Please speak to Women's Aid and find support from your friends and family to work out next steps.

Don't make any clear announcements to him. Let him think you're not feeling well, or some other explanation for your change of attitude that he can dismiss as trivial. Someone like this can become dangerous when cornered.

Please take care 💗

Please tell me you haven't put up with this shit for 23 years. It's really not normally, it's disgusting and abusive and would give me the ick!

No. She does.

This man doesn't give a fuck about the actual you.

There is nothing remotely normal or acceptable about being penetrated without your consent while sleeping. He is a rapist.

Buy him a copy of Edward Gibbon's 6 Volume -
'' The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'' as this will occupy his time/stimulate his intellect.
Otherwise - bromide - they apparently gave it to solders/sailors during the war.

Get him neutered 🤣 put bromide in his tea!
Seriously is he into watching lots of porn - I’m trying to think of reasons he’d be like this?
I can see why you don’t like his behaviour, he’s not treating you well although in his cave man mind he must think it’s a huge compliment.

What the f??? Op this is not normal.
You have a right to feel safe from sexual pestering and groping and leering in your own home.
Home is supposed to be a sanctuary away from bloody sex pests.

@Notintothis

Yuck. He is a vile horrible man, a sex pest, a rapist and an abuser.

None of what you describe is remotely normal and everyone else is certainly NOT doing it.

I would dump him. You can do so much better. You deserve better too.