((TW SA)) Advice needed on an issue please.

[Notintothis]

Hi, just looking for opinions on this as I feel like I've lost perspective. DH is very into 'sexting' and asking for pictures of me. We are both almost 40, busy lives, jobs ect. I often work from home, writing reports and things but they do take up a lot of brain power even if I'm home. He does it constantly, will start off a conversation like "what you up to?" And within 2 or 3 texts is asking for pictures of my "tits or arse". I always let him know I'm busy working but he still asks and persists or gets annoyed if I don't/can't. It will be at the most inconvenient of times too. Every day I leave the house at 7.50, at 7.48 or similar he will text saying morning, I reply hello, then get "are you getting changed?" And a request for pics. Whatever I'm doing he tries to start a conversation and it always turns to sex within a few messages. It's really putting me off speaking to him. He has me backed into a corner to as if I say I'm busy I get told I'm being mean or not interested in him. If I ignore him, he persists and says I'm like "Andy's toys" when the conversation turns to sex as I stop responding. I've literally had texts saying "ah you've turned into Andy's toys again". It's driving me mad. If I don't respond he is in a mood, but I dont want to. I've literally started to work in the office so when I get requests for pictures I can say I'm in the office, but this is super inconvenient for me and not always possible and even then he still wants to talk about it. I'll say I'm in the office and he'll be like "well what you want me to do to you if you were at home?" It's really gross. Is this normal??? Am I mean for not wanting it all the time? We have a pretty regular and decent sex life, or at least I thought we did. Few times a week, although he would like it every day. He is constantly grabbing me, feeling me up, etc. there is very little conversation about anything else, some around plans and the kids but it always turns to sex within a few messages. Please give me some ideas as it's literally driving me mad! Sorry this is long

He slept on the sofa last night and is completely pretending I don't exist. I actually smiled last night when I saw the empty side of the bed and don't think I've slept as well in a long time. I haven't caved and pandered to his little pity party though, which I normally would. Feels weird accepting all this but feel like it's making me stronger and actually giving me a bit of fire in my belly rather than just passively accepting everything. Feeling kind of angry today though that I've given him so damn much and wasted so much of my life being so desperately miserable

Well done - stay strong!

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You are breaking the cycle, so stay strong. You have lots of time ahead of you for a better life where you won't abused. Don't let this pig take any more of your dignity.
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Well done - first step done.
Let him sleep elsewhere and you get some rest.

Please do reach out to Women's aid and/or the police - you will need the extra support.
Some tough times ahead but we are all here to support you also.

Keep writing - it does help. Not only for you to read it all back yourself but when you make a police report, it is easy to forget the little things amongst the big things that they do to us. Your mind will probably be in such turmoil with it all as well.

I printed my posts off and the police have them (I also had my hand written journal) - hence my ex being charged with rape now and not being allowed near me or the property. If I had to rely on my memory and my traumatised brain, I wouldn't have been able to get it all out.

These men are just so damaged/unhinged that it just beggars belief what they think they can get away with under the guise of 'loving, caring family man' - they are just gross.

OP, this is one of the worst things I have read on here in a long time. He is sexually abusing and raping you. It is coercion and you need to report him. His behavior is not normal and scary. I have been married 25 years and have never experienced any of the things you described. You may not realize it, but your teenagers no doubt know what is going on too. I am sure they have heard and seen their father treat you like a sex toy. They deserve a better home life than that too. Please get out now.

Op how are you doing, hope you managed to get intouch with WA for advice 💐

I have been thinking about you nonstop OP. I hope that you are as ok as you can be x

That’s a win 🥇

I just wanted to add another voice to the chorus that this is utterly horrendous behaviour, and you should not have to live like this. You've altered your behaviour and choices to avoid daily assault and rape. You have a freeze response that has built in to you as a reflexive self-preservation response to the trauma of what he is doing to you.

I am so, so sorry and want to send you the biggest hug.

Please do not let the rest of your life be like this. I wish I had something more constructive and specific to say on real steps you can take now, but I'll at least send some encouragement. 💐

Everyone is not doing it and even if they were, that's doesn't mean you have to if you don't want to.

He's a sex pest, eugh.

And you have DCs? Is he constantly touching you and grabbing you in front of them?

Ok I've just rtwt and honestly I feel sick for you, I can't believe how much disrespect and lack of care, well I mean, it's sexual assault.

It must be bliss having him ignore you and sleep on the sofa, what an idiot, he doesn't even realise that's exactly what you need!

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Be prepared though for him to accuse you of shagging other men.
That previously, when you were being assaulted by him, that you were "up for it and now you aren't, well, you must be getting it elsewhere.

Be strong. Don't let his accusations get to you. He will convince himself and everyone else that he couldn't possibly be at fault for the relationship collapsing because he was always "attentive"

You are seeing it for what it really is. He never will.

You are seeing it for what it really is. He never will.

This OP. This is really important.

Hope you're doing alright.

Hope you continue to be ok, OP.

I've been thinking of you all week. I hope you are well and busy. Even if its just a patio to bury horrible men under
Yep showing my age 😀
Ps. You are under no obligation to keep posting.