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Original poster

((TW SA)) Advice needed on an issue please.

292 replies

Notintothis · 22/06/2025 10:44

Hi, just looking for opinions on this as I feel like I've lost perspective. DH is very into 'sexting' and asking for pictures of me. We are both almost 40, busy lives, jobs ect. I often work from home, writing reports and things but they do take up a lot of brain power even if I'm home. He does it constantly, will start off a conversation like "what you up to?" And within 2 or 3 texts is asking for pictures of my "tits or arse". I always let him know I'm busy working but he still asks and persists or gets annoyed if I don't/can't. It will be at the most inconvenient of times too. Every day I leave the house at 7.50, at 7.48 or similar he will text saying morning, I reply hello, then get "are you getting changed?" And a request for pics. Whatever I'm doing he tries to start a conversation and it always turns to sex within a few messages. It's really putting me off speaking to him. He has me backed into a corner to as if I say I'm busy I get told I'm being mean or not interested in him. If I ignore him, he persists and says I'm like "Andy's toys" when the conversation turns to sex as I stop responding. I've literally had texts saying "ah you've turned into Andy's toys again". It's driving me mad. If I don't respond he is in a mood, but I dont want to. I've literally started to work in the office so when I get requests for pictures I can say I'm in the office, but this is super inconvenient for me and not always possible and even then he still wants to talk about it. I'll say I'm in the office and he'll be like "well what you want me to do to you if you were at home?" It's really gross. Is this normal??? Am I mean for not wanting it all the time? We have a pretty regular and decent sex life, or at least I thought we did. Few times a week, although he would like it every day. He is constantly grabbing me, feeling me up, etc. there is very little conversation about anything else, some around plans and the kids but it always turns to sex within a few messages. Please give me some ideas as it's literally driving me mad! Sorry this is long

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 22/06/2025 11:03

I would find this vile and such a turn off. I can understand a person wanting a lovely picture of their lust object though I never have but to keep asking all the time and all the groping and comments are revolting. He is a sex pext and seems to view you as an object.

pinkdelight · 22/06/2025 11:04

Notintothis · 22/06/2025 10:55

He literally tells me I am "built for fucking", like I serve no other purpose, but it's said as the ultimate compliment! It's constant. I have to wear clothes with ties or belts so he can't pull them down or puts his hands down them at any given opportunity. Can't be seen in my underwear or it's constant groping. He will come and watch any time he thinks I'm going to get changed.

Do people literally send no pictures? He requests them daily. I don't think he would up load them, any he does get are very rubbish and I'm not as attractive as he seems to think, I'm not sure anyone would be interested in a pic of an old bra....!

Jesus christ, how can you stand this? You know it's not normal. He's got no sense of you as a human being, like you're just there for his wanking pleasure. It's not a compliment and the fact he gets huffy if you complain is disgusting. Assert your boundaries and don't be cowed by his reactions. You shouldn't have to be wearing clothes to try to keep him out. Your word should be good enough. Quite apart from anything, it's deeply unattractive to be pestered this way and treated like a piece of meat. I have a loving DH who likes sex and he would never, ever do any of these things you talk about. If you need help, please get it. Don't let him make you feel like your happiness and needs are totally invalid.

Original poster
Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:04

Edenmum2 · 22/06/2025 11:01

OP this is nowhere near normal. You have to wear clothes that stop him sexually assaulting you?

I’ve never sent my DH a picture and he’s never asked. Not since a relationship in my early twenties have I even thought about it. The way he talks to you is also not normal. Are you happy in this relationship? Do you have children?

Show quote history

Yes, we have 2 DC. Teenagers. He hasn't always been this bad and it's getting worse. He didn't speak to me for a while as he came over to me putting his hands up my top outside the kids bedrooms while they had mates over and I told him to get off me, that it was inappropriate as they could just walk out and see him feeling up my tits. I am supposed to be honoured at how attractive he finds me

OP posts:
Original poster
Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:05

I know you'll all think I sound crazy but I did think it was a normal thing. And it's just me not being into it.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 22/06/2025 11:07

Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:02

I have told him no today and am currently being ignored.

That's a win then!
Has he always been a sex pest? Or is this something that has got much worse recently? I can think of nothing likely to put me off. Does he think you are his sex toy?
If you want to stay with him, then you could tell him that when he pesters you, it turns you off, and then refuse any sexual interaction with him for at least a few days. Maybe he'll get the message. But it sounds as if this is some sort of sex addiction.

greengreyblue · 22/06/2025 11:07

Op that sounds horrible. Definitely would not float my boat. He sounds as though he has a problem like sex addiction. How long have you been married? Have kids? Does he have an addictive nature in any other way?

unsync · 22/06/2025 11:07

That's revolting @Notintothis He doesn't respect your boundaries or understand consent. It doesn't matter whether everyone else does it (they don't), if it makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to, that is perfectly OK. He is coercing you into doing something you don't want to. That is abuse.

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 22/06/2025 11:07

Notintothis · 22/06/2025 10:55

He literally tells me I am "built for fucking", like I serve no other purpose, but it's said as the ultimate compliment! It's constant. I have to wear clothes with ties or belts so he can't pull them down or puts his hands down them at any given opportunity. Can't be seen in my underwear or it's constant groping. He will come and watch any time he thinks I'm going to get changed.

Do people literally send no pictures? He requests them daily. I don't think he would up load them, any he does get are very rubbish and I'm not as attractive as he seems to think, I'm not sure anyone would be interested in a pic of an old bra....!

Wearing specific clothes to try to stop a man molesting you Sad
There's a word for males who ignore consent. He's a predator.

MadamCholetsbonnet · 22/06/2025 11:07

So “everyone is doing it “ makes me think he’s sharing the photos with all his mates.

Your husband routinely sexually assaults you. He sounds revolting. How can you live like this?

Original poster
Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:09

I don't think I can keep living like this. But I thought maybe everyone is doing it so it would be weird to leave over something like a husband wanting to have sex with his wife.

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 22/06/2025 11:09

Ugh just seen you have teenagers! This guy is revolting. Not even like it’s new relationship to explain his voracious appetite. Absolutely not normal. It’s disrespectful and he is not respecting your boundaries. Porn addiction?

TwistedWonder · 22/06/2025 11:10

He’s sexually abusing you on a daily basis. Its so far from normal it’s not funny.

Hes a repulsive dirty old perv treating you like a sex doll. He doesn’t see you as human, just a thing to get his cock hard.

Original poster
Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:10

I did wonder about a sex addiction. It is like it is constantly on his mind and there is nothing else he can think of.

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 22/06/2025 11:10

Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:09

I don't think I can keep living like this. But I thought maybe everyone is doing it so it would be weird to leave over something like a husband wanting to have sex with his wife.

It’s not the wanting to have sex. It’s a two way street. He is not respecting your needs. It’s is OTT.

pinkdelight · 22/06/2025 11:11

Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:05

I know you'll all think I sound crazy but I did think it was a normal thing. And it's just me not being into it.

We're here to tell you it's not at all normal and that it's him whose made you feel like you're crazy. Imagine making your wife feel like she should be grateful for having her tits felt when the kids' friends are around. He has zero respect for you. Well done for saying no today and do not be hurt him by ignoring you and don't start questioning yourself. You need to see this as the start of getting yourself, your body and your power back - you've drawn a line and his response is selfish and childish. He may not be capable of changing, but that's his issue. You have to change things because you are not 'built for fucking', you need to be valued beyond what he can can do to you.

Original poster
Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:11

We've been together 23 years! It's like the first time he has ever seen a woman naked, every day!!

OP posts:
SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 22/06/2025 11:11

Wanting to have sex does not involve sexually harassing a woman or molesting her.

Mustwalkmore · 22/06/2025 11:11

No not normal. I think that is quite extreme.

Why does he keep asking for more and more pictures? Why can’t he look at the same ones? Why is he asking you when you are working? Why do you think he is getting worse? I am quite shocked that you have teenagers? Was he like this when you met or when you had babies? What is his porn habit like?

The way he is talking about you is gross and disrespectful.

Missedthis · 22/06/2025 11:11

Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:09

I don't think I can keep living like this. But I thought maybe everyone is doing it so it would be weird to leave over something like a husband wanting to have sex with his wife.

What’s your situation re housing, job, finances? __

greengreyblue · 22/06/2025 11:13

Seriously I think he has an issue maybe with sex addiction and or porn addiction. He may be using forums to chat about this and normalising his attitude. My DH of 29 years has never asked for nudes ffs!

PinkyBear · 22/06/2025 11:13

He literally tells me I am "built for fucking"

Blimey @Notintothis that is really grim.
As is his level of pestering you, both over text and physically. No means no.
It really is not normal.

Original poster
Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:13

pinkdelight · 22/06/2025 11:11

We're here to tell you it's not at all normal and that it's him whose made you feel like you're crazy. Imagine making your wife feel like she should be grateful for having her tits felt when the kids' friends are around. He has zero respect for you. Well done for saying no today and do not be hurt him by ignoring you and don't start questioning yourself. You need to see this as the start of getting yourself, your body and your power back - you've drawn a line and his response is selfish and childish. He may not be capable of changing, but that's his issue. You have to change things because you are not 'built for fucking', you need to be valued beyond what he can can do to you.

Edited
Show quote history

Honestly I feel like like if I'm not cleaning, looking after the kids or having sex with him, I have no purpose and he doesn't bother with me.

OP posts:
ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 22/06/2025 11:14

Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:10

I did wonder about a sex addiction. It is like it is constantly on his mind and there is nothing else he can think of.

He doesn't have an illness and isn't suffering from an addiction that he can't help. He has full control over this behaviour and is doing it because he's a selfish pervert.

greengreyblue · 22/06/2025 11:14

Notintothis · 22/06/2025 11:13

Honestly I feel like like if I'm not cleaning, looking after the kids or having sex with him, I have no purpose and he doesn't bother with me.

Show quote history

I think you might need to book some counselling. This sounds so wrong.

LittlleMy · 22/06/2025 11:15

@Notintothis gosh I thought I had it bad when my ex would moan I don’t think about him enough during the day and couldn’t seem to understand my wfh job takes a lot of concentration and tight deadlines and I can’t be texting him sweet nothings all day - he was 50 and otherwise normal! Also it was difficult to have a conversation about anything serious and if I say asked him what he thinks he’d say something silly like ‘I think you should start using that mouth for kissing me instead’. It was cute first but when I realised it was a constant thing it really gave me the ick and I slowly went off him. The neediness is ridiculously off putting. Your predicament is quite awful given he’s your DH and you have kids and the works. I hope PP are able to help ♥️