Also referring to your partner's moodiness, that is also an abusive strategy. Zawn Villines talks about this sometimes:
"Chronic grumpiness: How men use bad moods to control their partners
When you never learn to control your emotions, you expect everyone else to manage them for you--and can extract a lot of free labor in the process.
If you believe the way men behave, they’re deeply unhappy and angry most of the time—at least they are when moodiness is unlikely to affect their well-being.
Somehow, most men manage to act normal at work, around friends, around people whose opinion they care about. But over and over again, readers tell me about men whose moodiness erodes the well-being of an entire family, destroys every vacation, and makes it impossible for anyone to ever relax.
The bad moods come in two basic flavors:
- The hostile, aggressive version: The aggressive man reacts swiftly and angrily when he does not get his way. He may smash things, call his partner names, or sulk for days. His bad mood can make the entire household feel anxious and uncertain.
- The pathetic, demanding version: The pathetic man constantly puts his misery on display, demanding endless emotional support from his partner for even the smallest slights. He offers no emotional support in return—and if she demands it, he may become aggressive. His bad mood makes an entire household feel like they can’t enjoy themselves.
We all have mood swings from time to time. Emotionally healthy people, though, feel generally responsible for their behavior and their moods, and endeavor to control both.
Entitled manbabies blame everyone else, and demand they all suffer through their moodiness. This can look like:
- giving the silent treatment whenever he doesn’t get his way
- spending days sulking after a minor fight
- taking work disputes out on the family
- ruining every vacation or holiday with a bad mood
- doing nothing to help with presents, parties, or other major undertakings, then sulking when the event arrives
- reacting to everything anyone else says with hostility and derision
- making no effort to be pleasant
- valuing his own time and needs over everyone else’s
- expecting effort and affection from others that he never offers, and for which he never shows gratitude
- a sense of entitlement
So why do so many men do this? And why is it so effective? To understand this, you must first understand that most men are never taught that they must make others comfortable by regulating their emotions.
I’m doing a divorce survey ... Women are overwhelmingly telling me that their male partners’ bad moods were a key factor in their decision to divorce. They describe an environment of pervasive, all-encompassing misery, of men who absolutely refuse to be happy, and who go to great lengths to display their misery to everyone—everyone, that is, except their co-workers, employers, and others who expect them to behave appropriately in return for resources..."
zawn.substack.com/p/chronic-grumpiness-how-men-use-bad