Husband cheating on me..but he still is with me..

[Doesheloveme4377]

Hi everyone. I’m struggling to understand what’s really going on in my marriage and could use some perspective.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated my birthday in a big way. He planned multiple things and he posted several photos and videos of me/us on his social media with loving captions.

But here’s where it gets complicated.
He has a long-term girlfriend. I’ve known about her for a while now. They’ve been involved emotionally and physically for 8 years. And while things between him and I haven’t been physically intimate in a long time, he still lives with me, does things for me, and plays the role of a husband in public.
Now I’m sitting here trying to process all of this. He did all these things for me this weekend the social media posts, the public events, the time together with family.

He even told her he’s not in love with me. But he’s still here, taking me out, acting like we’re married, helping with the kids, doing “husband” things. He’s also told he about her but he was vague. He just told me he has a girlfriend and have been seeing her for awhile.

So here’s my question to :
Does my husband actually love me based on his actions last weekend? Or does he love his girlfriend and was just playing the part with me to avoid fallout or look good in public?

today is Father’s Day and he’s just been with us at home, no her! I looked at his phone and she called and texted him but he has ignored her for me!

I don't even know where to start with this one other than WTAF?
Is this how you want to live your life?

😐

Ridiculous…he is with you still because both you and the new partner are acting like mugs. He gets to live with his kids 💯 of the time, play the good guy, doesn’t have to pay for an expensive divorce, and gets to shag another woman whenever he feels like picking her up and dropping her.

RIDICULOUS to allow this

Sorry to be so blunt but
Public show.
Divorce £££.
Ego boost from two women.
Complete disregard for your feelings - he doesn’t care that you know about her, has told you about her.
It’s time to take him for as much as possible.

I understand that it sounds crazy but it’s true and I’m trying to make sense.

I prefer blunt/ thank you. I’ve heard “public show” but no one is holding a gun to his head or anything. He does these dates freely 1:1. So all of this to public show. I will be blunt myself and say I post on social media and act as if we are perfect and say we are in love and perfect but I think he’s still with me because he actually does love and constantly chooses me even though yes the girlfriend. I sound stupid I know I’m trying to make sense

Who are you, Carmela Soprano? GET RID OF HIM.

We have a long history together

People who love you protect your feelings, not tell you about another and their betrayal of you.
How many posters recognise they need to leave, need to divorce but avoid disruption? Life for your DH goes on as it’s always done, in the same house, with the same woman plus he has this additional relationship which you don’t blow him up about.
Think of your marriage vows and what you both promised. He’s broken these and waving the fact in your face. Shame on him and on you for accepting it.
Stop pretending everything is okay. It isn’t. You can do better than this.

He loves all the services you provide for him, cooking, cleaning, wifework, and the appearance of a family. He likes sex with the ow.

I don't think guys like him love anyone..it's all about the services women provide for them.

Thank you. I just keep feeling he wants to work on our marriage because he’s still here and we have a long history.

He’s comfortable with you, flattered by her especially as she’s waiting for him.
As grinandslothit says, he only loves himself.
If he wanted to work on the marriage he’d end the affair and be intimate with you. But he doesn’t.

Out of interest, how long have you known about the girlfriend?

I don’t think he wants to work on your marriage. He doesn’t need to. He’s having his cake and eat it. He’s got absolutely everything he needs and wants. If he wanted to work on your marriage he would be remorseful and ditch the girlfriend. But he’s not.

I think you have to decide whether you can live like this. If not, he needs to go.

He's there because he has everything. A housekeeper & child care, and no messy divorce and losing assets. It's not because he can't bring himself to leave you.

You need, at the very least, to create an escape fund, and plan. Know all your assets etc. Eventually he'll leave, whether it is now or in 10 years time.

He's still there because you probably do all of his cooking, cleaning, laundry plus child rearing so he can appear to be Mr family man. And he doesn't have to pay for an expensive divorce.
A man who loves you doesn't do this. You're a doormat to him. THAT'S why he stays.
Wake up OP. He doesn't love you.

Honestly he does the cleaning, he’s mostly with our sons and our kids are adults except for one and he’s in middle school and they are always together. That’s why I say he has to be staying for me right?

I read their text messages, they’ve talked about buying a house, future goals, and etc. she is helping get a business off the ground he wants and is encouraging him to go to school, etc..they even planned his vasectomy in which I knew nothing about. But the fact always go to he’s still here, he’s still taking me out on dates. He’s here in the marriage so (I know this is probably horrible thinking) but I’m winning and just need to wait out this nuisance.

That the thing he does the housework and he’s always with our youngest who is a teenager. So I always say well it has to be me he’s here for.

A while but he sat and told me about her a year ago. I don’t take him seriously because he’s still here. Still taking me out for my birthday, etc so how serious can she really be to him. But I do wonder if it’s me he loves and wants but that voice in my head always says well he’s still with you in your marriage right. It has to be love

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Leave-Cheater-Gain-Life-Survival/dp/0762458968

Get yourself a copy of that or listen to it on Audible. There’s also a podcast. Your husband is what is known as a Cake Eater. Get rid.

LOL!!! An 8 year nuisance hahahaha like it’s a mosquito bite or something.

honey, you sound delusional. It’s clear you’ve twisted this in a way to suit your inner narrative. That man doesn’t love you. He just doesn’t want to lose half his assets. You don’t kick up a fuss and never does the other delulu, so why would he leave? The only person winning here is him.

you don’t seem actually bothered about the affair either though. So why don’t you also get some fun on the side? Or just stop looking at his phone if it’s upsetting. Clearly you are happy to live in the facade of a publicly happy marriage, so why question anything?

btw, I’m sure he will finally leave once you have no more dependents left at home.

Wanting one‘s Cake and eating it comes to mind. ……And what’s more he’s doing it! - Openly.

And, you are tolerating it, and as long as you do nothings going to change. I simply cannot imagine accepting him or this situation.

I mean if you are happy for him to jump into bed with you every night when he’s been having sex with another woman hours before then go for it. Personally I couldn’t because I’d always wonder if he’s thinking of her but you clearly don’t have that problem because you’ve convinced yourself he’s ‘chosen’ you.

Your husband is openly sleeping with another woman and you think you’re winning because he comes home afterwards?? I’d rather lose.

Sorry OP, but he doesn't love you. I suspect he doesn't love this other woman either, just himself. You seem to be lacking n self respect, is there a reason for that? Worth finding a good therapist to work through it and get a normal perspective on what's going on?

This can’t be real. Where is your pride?!