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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can’t get over husbands porn addiction.

133 replies

ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 20:40

Hi, is there anyone out there that has experienced this? I’d really appreciate any input as I’m lost!

I’m married with kids. I’m just not getting on with my husband. We’ve had a lot of external problems over recent years, which hasn’t helped. I’ve always blamed things on that, but now I’m not so sure.

We don’t have sex anymore, he wants to, but I don’t since I found out he was addicted to porn. I know it’s not cheating but I kind of feel a bit like it was 😞 . He admitted to ‘liking’ girls porn videos, He says it went no further, but I don’t believe this. I don’t like the term ‘Ick’ but it’s given me the ick 🤣.

He says his porn addiction is my fault as I was so difficult around this time (we went through a bad patch). I probably was an arse, it was during covid and I wasn’t that happy.

There were times I tried to initiate sex but he couldn’t perform as he’d recently relieved himself to porn.

He says he won’t live in a sexless marriage (when I have had sex with him, it’s awful and I just feel like an ‘outlet’). He makes no effort anymore. I’m also in my late forties and feel so self conscious that he is looking at younger women.

Anyway, I’m rambling, this was a while ago but I still can’t forget it! Do I leave?

OP posts:
SirRaymondClench · 13/03/2026 06:45

moderate · 12/03/2026 21:53

How so?

It didn't sound to me like anything could turn things around for OP, but Raymond came in with the claim that DH just having sex with her could have turned things around.

Every post I've made since has been to point out that this was the reason I was asking rather than making assumptions.

Have you always been hard of thinking, or is it a recent thing?

I haven't said anywhere that her DH should just have sex with her.

The problem here is his porn 'addiction'.

I said he should give up his porn addiction to save his marriage. Had he done that she would still want sex with him.

Now go troll someone else on one of the many porn threads you're all over.

moderate · 13/03/2026 08:41

SirRaymondClench · 13/03/2026 06:45

Have you always been hard of thinking, or is it a recent thing?

I haven't said anywhere that her DH should just have sex with her.

The problem here is his porn 'addiction'.

I said he should give up his porn addiction to save his marriage. Had he done that she would still want sex with him.

Now go troll someone else on one of the many porn threads you're all over.

I feel sorry for you.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 13/03/2026 11:11

moderate · 12/03/2026 21:53

How so?

It didn't sound to me like anything could turn things around for OP, but Raymond came in with the claim that DH just having sex with her could have turned things around.

Every post I've made since has been to point out that this was the reason I was asking rather than making assumptions.

This is a predominantly women's site and you've chosen to comment on a thread where women are very upset about the deleterious effect on their sex lives and relationships of men wanking themselves to porn to the point they can't have sex with their wife. Some of the women here also find porn a form of cheating. Many are also disgusted by porn itself because it involves rampant sexual exploitation of vulnerable girls and women, not to mention the heinous violent nature of a lot of porn. Then the temperature on the thread was raised by a mansplainer who came along to cheerily inform the OP that she's exaggerating, because he can get it up with his wife and HE wanks to porn 3 times a day. He then happily told everyone that he is not bothered in the slightest by the ethical issues in porn and he even said that women are exploited in other work places anyway, so what's the problem? Cue mass revulsion.

So you, a bloke, come on this thread to ask the OP:

"Did you leave him, in the end? I assume so, as it didn’t sound like there was any action he could have taken that could have turned things around for you."

Coming from a bloke, that sounds accusing to OP and commiserating with the pornsick H: poor man, he can't do anything right.

Women are rightfully sick of the bro-code, where men either whitewash the shit behaviour of other men or blame women for it. So suggesting that OP is a meanie who won't give her H a chance to redress the problem is going to be met with staunch opposition on this thread.

You then take something that OP said as definitive - that she's lost the desire to fix things by forcing her porn-sick H to stop porn and drag him to therapy - and you pick a fight with @SirRaymondClench when she says the situation is not black and white, that if the H did ANYthing to address his wife's concerns, she might have stayed with him.

I concur with her assessment btw, and so would every other woman reading this.

Then you accuse her of a strawman argument, which seems like a case of projection.

So your entire exchange here has unnecessarily put people's backs up, and suggests that you're not here wanting to understand something, rather, you want to troll the thread out of spiteful male aggression.

There's plenty of such trolls on MN. I don't think you're one, having read your thoughtful comments elsewhere on topics that do not relate to porn. That's why I am bothering to explain what you've done wrong here. Otherwise I'd ignore you.

If you really wanted to know whether the pornsick H could have turned things around (yes, it's possible), you should have read the room that you're standing in and couched your question more respectfully.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/03/2026 12:30

@LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta well said - I think what many men don’t get too is that their habit may well not affect their sex life, they may well still be interested but with plenty of women if they know this is what you are doing ( whether or not they choose to tell you and many women are aware and say nowt) they see you in a totally different light and mentally ‘get the ick’ - you start to feel annoyed just getting undressed in front of them or asking for something ‘in particular’ - so plenty of men then are stuck in a viscious circle, using it because wife not interested, wife not interested because she knows you spend your time whacking off to hard core porn and often not ‘occasionally’ either . Nearly always in secret after pretending they aren’t interested . Not all women have an issue, but plenty do

moderate · 13/03/2026 12:38

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 13/03/2026 11:11

This is a predominantly women's site and you've chosen to comment on a thread where women are very upset about the deleterious effect on their sex lives and relationships of men wanking themselves to porn to the point they can't have sex with their wife. Some of the women here also find porn a form of cheating. Many are also disgusted by porn itself because it involves rampant sexual exploitation of vulnerable girls and women, not to mention the heinous violent nature of a lot of porn. Then the temperature on the thread was raised by a mansplainer who came along to cheerily inform the OP that she's exaggerating, because he can get it up with his wife and HE wanks to porn 3 times a day. He then happily told everyone that he is not bothered in the slightest by the ethical issues in porn and he even said that women are exploited in other work places anyway, so what's the problem? Cue mass revulsion.

So you, a bloke, come on this thread to ask the OP:

"Did you leave him, in the end? I assume so, as it didn’t sound like there was any action he could have taken that could have turned things around for you."

Coming from a bloke, that sounds accusing to OP and commiserating with the pornsick H: poor man, he can't do anything right.

Women are rightfully sick of the bro-code, where men either whitewash the shit behaviour of other men or blame women for it. So suggesting that OP is a meanie who won't give her H a chance to redress the problem is going to be met with staunch opposition on this thread.

You then take something that OP said as definitive - that she's lost the desire to fix things by forcing her porn-sick H to stop porn and drag him to therapy - and you pick a fight with @SirRaymondClench when she says the situation is not black and white, that if the H did ANYthing to address his wife's concerns, she might have stayed with him.

I concur with her assessment btw, and so would every other woman reading this.

Then you accuse her of a strawman argument, which seems like a case of projection.

So your entire exchange here has unnecessarily put people's backs up, and suggests that you're not here wanting to understand something, rather, you want to troll the thread out of spiteful male aggression.

There's plenty of such trolls on MN. I don't think you're one, having read your thoughtful comments elsewhere on topics that do not relate to porn. That's why I am bothering to explain what you've done wrong here. Otherwise I'd ignore you.

If you really wanted to know whether the pornsick H could have turned things around (yes, it's possible), you should have read the room that you're standing in and couched your question more respectfully.

Coming from a bloke, that sounds accusing to OP and commiserating with the pornsick H: poor man, he can't do anything right.

Ironic that you should go on to accuse me of projection.

Try reading what I wrote again without damning me first, and you'll see that I'm not being accusatory in the slightest.

SirRaymondClench · 13/03/2026 17:59

moderate · 13/03/2026 12:38

Coming from a bloke, that sounds accusing to OP and commiserating with the pornsick H: poor man, he can't do anything right.

Ironic that you should go on to accuse me of projection.

Try reading what I wrote again without damning me first, and you'll see that I'm not being accusatory in the slightest.

Take your own advice and try reading what others have written.

You've made yourself look a complete fool on this thread.

@LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta wrote a comprehensive and thoughtful reply to you and as standard you've ignored everything she said and missed the point yet again.

Get well soon.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 13/03/2026 18:14

SirRaymondClench · 13/03/2026 17:59

Take your own advice and try reading what others have written.

You've made yourself look a complete fool on this thread.

@LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta wrote a comprehensive and thoughtful reply to you and as standard you've ignored everything she said and missed the point yet again.

Get well soon.

"missed the point yet again."

Yep.

moderate · 13/03/2026 18:48

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 13/03/2026 18:14

"missed the point yet again."

Yep.

There's plenty of such trolls on MN. I don't think you're one, having read your thoughtful comments elsewhere on topics that do not relate to porn. That's why I am bothering to explain what you've done wrong here. Otherwise I'd ignore you.

If you believe I'm thoughtful, why assume the worst of me here?

Clearly you think I've written something on some other porn thread that indicates I'm pro-porn. I would appreciate it if you could link to that, or quote it here.

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