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Original poster

Can’t get over husbands porn addiction.

133 replies

ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 20:40

Hi, is there anyone out there that has experienced this? I’d really appreciate any input as I’m lost!

I’m married with kids. I’m just not getting on with my husband. We’ve had a lot of external problems over recent years, which hasn’t helped. I’ve always blamed things on that, but now I’m not so sure.

We don’t have sex anymore, he wants to, but I don’t since I found out he was addicted to porn. I know it’s not cheating but I kind of feel a bit like it was 😞 . He admitted to ‘liking’ girls porn videos, He says it went no further, but I don’t believe this. I don’t like the term ‘Ick’ but it’s given me the ick 🤣.

He says his porn addiction is my fault as I was so difficult around this time (we went through a bad patch). I probably was an arse, it was during covid and I wasn’t that happy.

There were times I tried to initiate sex but he couldn’t perform as he’d recently relieved himself to porn.

He says he won’t live in a sexless marriage (when I have had sex with him, it’s awful and I just feel like an ‘outlet’). He makes no effort anymore. I’m also in my late forties and feel so self conscious that he is looking at younger women.

Anyway, I’m rambling, this was a while ago but I still can’t forget it! Do I leave?

OP posts:
Missedthis · 15/06/2025 20:50

He says his porn addiction is my fault

He can fuck off.

There were times I tried to initiate sex but he couldn’t perform as he’d recently relieved himself to porn.

He can fuck off some more.

(when I have had sex with him, it’s awful and I just feel like an ‘outlet’). He makes no effort anymore.

And a bit more

Hes a crap shag because he gets his rocks off to women who may have been exploited, abused or otherwise harmed.

That is in no way your fault and he’s a bellend for suggesting it is,

The porn use would be a red line for me.

Do you want to be with him still?

Definitelynotem · 15/06/2025 20:55

Why would you want to have sex with this man OP?! Sounds like he is projecting his addiction on you rather than dealing it. If it were me I’d want to see a commitment to stopping the porn and some kind of therapy but it doesn’t sound like he’s interested in any of that. You’re well within your rights to leave, I think I’d do the same

Crikeyalmighty · 15/06/2025 20:56

I have a great deal of sympathy - I’m in my 60s now but realised my H had same issue about 8 years ago - he doesn’t know that I know . Still the same, totally gave me as you say the ick’ just don’t feel attracted in same way - all secretive stuff when I’m out - problem is he created a viscious circle, probably watches it more because I’m not interested sexually and I’m not interested because of this ( amongst other things too) - i don’t see it as cheating but do find it sleazy and not ok as he knows how I feel about it as an industry

Sodthesystem · 15/06/2025 20:58

Why would you forgive him?

He's gross and he has contempt for you.

Sex is an act for mutual pleasure. It's not an owed service.

Tell the arseholes to sling his hook and never darken your door again.

Original poster
ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 21:02

No I don’t! I know all of this, but is it good enough to leave?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 21:08

Missedthis · 15/06/2025 20:50

He says his porn addiction is my fault

He can fuck off.

There were times I tried to initiate sex but he couldn’t perform as he’d recently relieved himself to porn.

He can fuck off some more.

(when I have had sex with him, it’s awful and I just feel like an ‘outlet’). He makes no effort anymore.

And a bit more

Hes a crap shag because he gets his rocks off to women who may have been exploited, abused or otherwise harmed.

That is in no way your fault and he’s a bellend for suggesting it is,

The porn use would be a red line for me.

Do you want to be with him still?

No, I don’t at all. I just don’t know whether to blow my children’s lives up over it 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 21:09

Crikeyalmighty · 15/06/2025 20:56

I have a great deal of sympathy - I’m in my 60s now but realised my H had same issue about 8 years ago - he doesn’t know that I know . Still the same, totally gave me as you say the ick’ just don’t feel attracted in same way - all secretive stuff when I’m out - problem is he created a viscious circle, probably watches it more because I’m not interested sexually and I’m not interested because of this ( amongst other things too) - i don’t see it as cheating but do find it sleazy and not ok as he knows how I feel about it as an industry

Thank you. Did you stay with him?

OP posts:
CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 21:13

What do you mean he's addicted to porn?
What's the criteria for addiction?
Genuine question.

Sodthesystem · 15/06/2025 21:13

ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 21:02

No I don’t! I know all of this, but is it good enough to leave?

Edited

Honey, a third of it is good enough to leave.

Put it this way op, I recently found a lump. It grew big and it grew fast. The doctor thought it might be cancer. I had a long wait to get it seen (and luckily it doesn't look like it is according to initial tests). But for that fortnight, when I thought I might be off to swim with the fishes soon, the thing I kept thinking about was - I wish I hadn't wasted so much time around arseholes.

Time is finite. Do you really want to waste it on a man who doesn't love you? Hell, who doesn't even like you. Sorry to be blunt but, I think you know this.

Do you really want to grow old with a dirty letch who blames you for his degeneracy and controls you through sulking if you don't shag him?

If you find out tomorrow, you only have say...1 year left to live...would you want to spend it with him?

As for your kids, would you want them to model their future relationships on this one?

Original poster
ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 21:23

CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 21:13

What do you mean he's addicted to porn?
What's the criteria for addiction?
Genuine question.

No problem. I don’t think there’s a criteria as such. He used to not be able to have sex with me because he’d relieved himself to porn. So, it’s not about the amount of times someone has used porn, but it is a problem if said person prefers porn to real life. I don’t think there’s any ‘criteria’ for any addiction really is there?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 21:33

Definitelynotem · 15/06/2025 20:55

Why would you want to have sex with this man OP?! Sounds like he is projecting his addiction on you rather than dealing it. If it were me I’d want to see a commitment to stopping the porn and some kind of therapy but it doesn’t sound like he’s interested in any of that. You’re well within your rights to leave, I think I’d do the same

I think he would do it. But I’ve lost any desire to do that!

OP posts:
CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 21:42

ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 21:23

No problem. I don’t think there’s a criteria as such. He used to not be able to have sex with me because he’d relieved himself to porn. So, it’s not about the amount of times someone has used porn, but it is a problem if said person prefers porn to real life. I don’t think there’s any ‘criteria’ for any addiction really is there?

Show quote history

Even with daily masturbation I think most men can garner enough momentum to have sex in the physical world. Maybe they have ED or wider psychological barriers. Certainly blaming the OP is highly inconsiderate, they are masking a wider problem I imagine. Porn is no substitute for the real thing, it helps if both parties are turned on so it's not just a functional chore for either.

Original poster
ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 21:53

CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 21:42

Even with daily masturbation I think most men can garner enough momentum to have sex in the physical world. Maybe they have ED or wider psychological barriers. Certainly blaming the OP is highly inconsiderate, they are masking a wider problem I imagine. Porn is no substitute for the real thing, it helps if both parties are turned on so it's not just a functional chore for either.

Show quote history

I assume you’re saying this from a young persons view? We’re quite old and it’s not quite the same. You’ll get there one day. Why the opposition? Assuming you love a bit of porn? 🤣

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 15/06/2025 22:09

@ThisAmpleDenimCrab yes I stayed but it’s complicated as we work together and not that easy at 63 just to sail into the sunset - we don’t own a house etc either

CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 22:15

ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 21:53

I assume you’re saying this from a young persons view? We’re quite old and it’s not quite the same. You’ll get there one day. Why the opposition? Assuming you love a bit of porn? 🤣

Show quote history

I'm 50, married for over 20+ years and I watch porn everyday, it's never got in the way of sex and no my wife doesn't watch it, wish she did though. She isn't bothered in the slightest that I partake in my daily ritual once or twice occasionally thrice. It's good for the prostate, so there are health benefits.😉
It's not worth leaving your marriage over, in my humble opinion.

Gymbunny2025 · 15/06/2025 22:18

A lot of people genuinely did behave out of character during covid. I think if it’s all in the past then counselling may be worth a shot? Either to save or agree to end your marriage.

ChaliceinWonderland · 15/06/2025 22:22

Sodthesystem · 15/06/2025 21:13

Honey, a third of it is good enough to leave.

Put it this way op, I recently found a lump. It grew big and it grew fast. The doctor thought it might be cancer. I had a long wait to get it seen (and luckily it doesn't look like it is according to initial tests). But for that fortnight, when I thought I might be off to swim with the fishes soon, the thing I kept thinking about was - I wish I hadn't wasted so much time around arseholes.

Time is finite. Do you really want to waste it on a man who doesn't love you? Hell, who doesn't even like you. Sorry to be blunt but, I think you know this.

Do you really want to grow old with a dirty letch who blames you for his degeneracy and controls you through sulking if you don't shag him?

If you find out tomorrow, you only have say...1 year left to live...would you want to spend it with him?

As for your kids, would you want them to model their future relationships on this one?

Edited
Show quote history

You nailed it

RowsOfFlowers · 15/06/2025 22:25

Eww, I have the Ick just reading this. Run for the hills, OP. Leave him to pornhub and his box of Kleenex, the lousy prat.

BeenThereBackThen · 15/06/2025 22:25

Yes, i’ve been there OP. Except my exH didnt want to have sex with me because porn was all he was into. It took me some time to uncover it all and realise this is what i have to look forward to.
We were together for 11 years, married for 5 out of those. 2 kids.
Sex was 1-2 times a year and it was bad. We also had no sex from after 2nd was conceived till i divorced him 5 years later. It was grim.

RowsOfFlowers · 15/06/2025 22:27

CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 22:15

I'm 50, married for over 20+ years and I watch porn everyday, it's never got in the way of sex and no my wife doesn't watch it, wish she did though. She isn't bothered in the slightest that I partake in my daily ritual once or twice occasionally thrice. It's good for the prostate, so there are health benefits.😉
It's not worth leaving your marriage over, in my humble opinion.

Edited
Show quote history

Of course you would say that though, you sound close to a porn addict yourself.

PomeloOud · 15/06/2025 22:29

Why would you even want to ‘get over’ it?

Men who objectify women and get their rocks off to porn are tragic, pathetic morons.

Leave him to it and find someone better.

Original poster
ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 22:30

CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 22:15

I'm 50, married for over 20+ years and I watch porn everyday, it's never got in the way of sex and no my wife doesn't watch it, wish she did though. She isn't bothered in the slightest that I partake in my daily ritual once or twice occasionally thrice. It's good for the prostate, so there are health benefits.😉
It's not worth leaving your marriage over, in my humble opinion.

Edited
Show quote history

And how did I know this was written by a man? 🤣🤣. Instantly I did. What are you even doing here on a mums forum? Enjoy your wank x

OP posts:
CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 22:31

PomeloOud · 15/06/2025 22:29

Why would you even want to ‘get over’ it?

Men who objectify women and get their rocks off to porn are tragic, pathetic morons.

Leave him to it and find someone better.

Aw, just because we have kids and a lot of things together x

OP posts:
NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 15/06/2025 22:33

🤮disgusting …time for a divorce so seedy how their horrible little minds work makes me feel sick genuinely