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Original poster

Can’t get over husbands porn addiction.

133 replies

ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 20:40

Hi, is there anyone out there that has experienced this? I’d really appreciate any input as I’m lost!

I’m married with kids. I’m just not getting on with my husband. We’ve had a lot of external problems over recent years, which hasn’t helped. I’ve always blamed things on that, but now I’m not so sure.

We don’t have sex anymore, he wants to, but I don’t since I found out he was addicted to porn. I know it’s not cheating but I kind of feel a bit like it was 😞 . He admitted to ‘liking’ girls porn videos, He says it went no further, but I don’t believe this. I don’t like the term ‘Ick’ but it’s given me the ick 🤣.

He says his porn addiction is my fault as I was so difficult around this time (we went through a bad patch). I probably was an arse, it was during covid and I wasn’t that happy.

There were times I tried to initiate sex but he couldn’t perform as he’d recently relieved himself to porn.

He says he won’t live in a sexless marriage (when I have had sex with him, it’s awful and I just feel like an ‘outlet’). He makes no effort anymore. I’m also in my late forties and feel so self conscious that he is looking at younger women.

Anyway, I’m rambling, this was a while ago but I still can’t forget it! Do I leave?

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 16/06/2025 18:10

jsku · 16/06/2025 00:31

It is not about understanding addition really - it is understanding marriages in middle life. And seeing it all unfold around.
Your situation is not unique. And outcome is predictable.

You seem to fixate on his ‘addiction’. I happen to understand addiction on a very personal level - father was an alcoholic. It led him to eventually die, in his early 50s.
I don’t know if your H is addicted to a level where his need for a ‘fix’ is ruining his life - does not sound like it does.
If so - he can get help, it sounds like he recognised it as an issue and is willing to work on it?

Question is more about you. And what you want to do with your marriage. You two are too young to be sexless. Despite you considering yourself ‘old’ - you two are not - and there is at least another 10-20 years of intimacy ahead of you.

Young people are not going to disappear, even if he did’t see them on porn - there are everywhere. He, or whoever you end up with after divorce - will see young sexy women everywhere. Just as you see sexy younger men. It does not need to affect your self esteem in a way it does for you.

If you think you’ll be happier single - then start thinking about how your life will be. Some women are happier divorced. But many are not - it’s bot easy to be divorced in late 40s -
early 50s. After divorce - most men seem to pair up almost immediately. Most women date crappy men aren’t really happier.

So - in your place - I’d at least try marriage counselling. And certainly check for peri- because if does really affect us - and we
tend to make emotional decisions that we regret.

.

Edited

But older men shouldn’t be looking at young women in that way even if he’s surrounded by them.

Crikeyalmighty · 16/06/2025 18:50

@ThisAmpleDenimCrab the no notice of the weirdo - you only have to have the word porn or sex in your post and usually it attracts a load of them - it’s almost like they’ve got an alert set

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 16/06/2025 19:19

RowsOfFlowers · 16/06/2025 17:57

grim.

Show quote history

Well it is quite a good word, but when used in such a smug way - as if wanking off your vile old man member three times a day is an actual achievement then yes agreed. Just think he could be actually doing something supportive instead of wanking ‘thrice’ a day, like washing up some coffee cups or deadheading the dahlia, cleaning the shower, any manner of nice wholesome activities 🤷🏻‍♀️

RowsOfFlowers · 16/06/2025 19:21

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 16/06/2025 19:19

Well it is quite a good word, but when used in such a smug way - as if wanking off your vile old man member three times a day is an actual achievement then yes agreed. Just think he could be actually doing something supportive instead of wanking ‘thrice’ a day, like washing up some coffee cups or deadheading the dahlia, cleaning the shower, any manner of nice wholesome activities 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

1000%
He was absolutely showing off 🥴

SirRaymondClench · 16/06/2025 19:26

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 16/06/2025 19:19

Well it is quite a good word, but when used in such a smug way - as if wanking off your vile old man member three times a day is an actual achievement then yes agreed. Just think he could be actually doing something supportive instead of wanking ‘thrice’ a day, like washing up some coffee cups or deadheading the dahlia, cleaning the shower, any manner of nice wholesome activities 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

I don't think he realises he comes off like one of those chimps at Chester Zoo, furiously wanking away in a corner...pathetic.

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 16/06/2025 19:30

@SirRaymondClench your username is mint - and that made me burst out laughing genuinely 🤣 bring back the laugh button 🤣

SirRaymondClench · 16/06/2025 19:35

Thank you 😁 Me too, I miss that laugh button badly!

RowsOfFlowers · 16/06/2025 19:44

SirRaymondClench · 16/06/2025 19:26

I don't think he realises he comes off like one of those chimps at Chester Zoo, furiously wanking away in a corner...pathetic.

Show quote history

Hahahaha

also I love your username

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 16/06/2025 19:50

Does anyone not so secretly hope that the impossibly virile stud muffin viagra love machine would come back ? Probably too preoccupied doing the ‘thrice’ of the day and leaving reviews on UK Punters though …and popping to the corner shop for more Andrex

RowsOfFlowers · 16/06/2025 19:50

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 16/06/2025 19:50

Does anyone not so secretly hope that the impossibly virile stud muffin viagra love machine would come back ? Probably too preoccupied doing the ‘thrice’ of the day and leaving reviews on UK Punters though …and popping to the corner shop for more Andrex

🤣🤣

Rainbowchicken · 16/06/2025 19:59

ThisAmpleDenimCrab · 15/06/2025 22:54

Yes well, this isn’t a debate on porn as such. I was just asking for help in a difficult time. Wasn’t asking for a weird old wank obsessed man with a shrivelled old prostate comments was I? Enjoy the porn, those girls wouldn’t touch you xxx

Edited
Show quote history

What an amazing reply, love it 😂

SirRaymondClench · 16/06/2025 20:58

RowsOfFlowers · 16/06/2025 19:44

Hahahaha

also I love your username

Show quote history

Thank you 😁

BroccoliPark · 16/06/2025 21:24

I had the ick from my ex's porn use and it was one of the reasons why we stopped having sex. I tried with other men but the sex was disappointing because they also watch so much porn and wank instead of real sex. Some days I don't want to date again but I get lonely and give a new man a try but then he does something like eye up a woman in front of me or turns out he watches porn regularly. I think it would be difficult to find a straight non religious man who controls his lust so I'm not feeling hopeful for my options.

RowsOfFlowers · 16/06/2025 21:26

BroccoliPark · 16/06/2025 21:24

I had the ick from my ex's porn use and it was one of the reasons why we stopped having sex. I tried with other men but the sex was disappointing because they also watch so much porn and wank instead of real sex. Some days I don't want to date again but I get lonely and give a new man a try but then he does something like eye up a woman in front of me or turns out he watches porn regularly. I think it would be difficult to find a straight non religious man who controls his lust so I'm not feeling hopeful for my options.

Edited

This is really eye opening - it’s such a shame that you’ve had such a poor experience of men. Porn it’s disgusting and literally wrecks sex lives and relation ships!

Disturbia81 · 16/06/2025 22:36

Crikeyalmighty · 16/06/2025 18:50

@ThisAmpleDenimCrab the no notice of the weirdo - you only have to have the word porn or sex in your post and usually it attracts a load of them - it’s almost like they’ve got an alert set

Yep just look at the sex board, mostly men..

Shoemadlady · 16/06/2025 22:56

Yes it’s a good enough reason to leave. Is he prepared to get help / support for this and to stop? Does he realise how it’s making you feel? If he does get help would you want to stay?
if he’s not prepared to stop or get support he’s telling you in a non verbal way that he’s doesn’t care about you and your feelings and I’d be voting with my feet. There’s a happy, loving fun life out there for you, this isn’t it x

daddysgirlnot · 18/06/2025 17:27

CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 22:15

I'm 50, married for over 20+ years and I watch porn everyday, it's never got in the way of sex and no my wife doesn't watch it, wish she did though. She isn't bothered in the slightest that I partake in my daily ritual once or twice occasionally thrice. It's good for the prostate, so there are health benefits.😉
It's not worth leaving your marriage over, in my humble opinion.

Edited
Show quote history

It’s only a problem if he’s using porn instead of having sex with his wife, or if he is not reciprocal in the bedroom in anyway… seems likes his habit is having a negtive impact on their sex life, and rather than addressing it, he’s blaming her.

Averefiducia · 19/09/2025 20:21

God, what a brilliant response!

FlumpUp · 19/09/2025 20:25

CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 22:15

I'm 50, married for over 20+ years and I watch porn everyday, it's never got in the way of sex and no my wife doesn't watch it, wish she did though. She isn't bothered in the slightest that I partake in my daily ritual once or twice occasionally thrice. It's good for the prostate, so there are health benefits.😉
It's not worth leaving your marriage over, in my humble opinion.

Edited
Show quote history

Gross

Notthehill · 19/09/2025 23:36

jsku · 16/06/2025 00:31

It is not about understanding addition really - it is understanding marriages in middle life. And seeing it all unfold around.
Your situation is not unique. And outcome is predictable.

You seem to fixate on his ‘addiction’. I happen to understand addiction on a very personal level - father was an alcoholic. It led him to eventually die, in his early 50s.
I don’t know if your H is addicted to a level where his need for a ‘fix’ is ruining his life - does not sound like it does.
If so - he can get help, it sounds like he recognised it as an issue and is willing to work on it?

Question is more about you. And what you want to do with your marriage. You two are too young to be sexless. Despite you considering yourself ‘old’ - you two are not - and there is at least another 10-20 years of intimacy ahead of you.

Young people are not going to disappear, even if he did’t see them on porn - there are everywhere. He, or whoever you end up with after divorce - will see young sexy women everywhere. Just as you see sexy younger men. It does not need to affect your self esteem in a way it does for you.

If you think you’ll be happier single - then start thinking about how your life will be. Some women are happier divorced. But many are not - it’s bot easy to be divorced in late 40s -
early 50s. After divorce - most men seem to pair up almost immediately. Most women date crappy men aren’t really happier.

So - in your place - I’d at least try marriage counselling. And certainly check for peri- because if does really affect us - and we
tend to make emotional decisions that we regret.

.

Edited

You say: "After divorce - most men seem to pair up almost immediately. Most women date crappy men aren’t really happier."

Wow, not my experience at all. The women I know who divorced in their forties and fifties are much, MUCH happier than they were in their crap marriages. True, most of them stay single but that is mainly by intention!!!! I find your comment so strange. Are you a man by any chance?

Jonianee83 · 20/09/2025 01:04

CuarloDeFonza · 15/06/2025 22:15

I'm 50, married for over 20+ years and I watch porn everyday, it's never got in the way of sex and no my wife doesn't watch it, wish she did though. She isn't bothered in the slightest that I partake in my daily ritual once or twice occasionally thrice. It's good for the prostate, so there are health benefits.😉
It's not worth leaving your marriage over, in my humble opinion.

Edited
Show quote history

I’m a woman that occasionally does watch porn but this grossed me out. ‘Daily ritual’ and ‘good for the prostrate’ literally want to vom at your smug dismissal. Your wife probably isn’t bothered because the more you wank the less chance there is of you putting your grubby hands on her 😁

RowsOfFlowers · 22/09/2025 19:07

Jonianee83 · 20/09/2025 01:04

I’m a woman that occasionally does watch porn but this grossed me out. ‘Daily ritual’ and ‘good for the prostrate’ literally want to vom at your smug dismissal. Your wife probably isn’t bothered because the more you wank the less chance there is of you putting your grubby hands on her 😁

Show quote history

I have such the ick. What a vile creature, announcing it on Mumsnet of all places as well!

PoisedAnt · 17/01/2026 22:08

I've just found your post. My problem is very similar to yours, H has had a porn addiction for years. I've given up trying to openly discuss or show concern for his recovery. I feel I've been there too many times, he's never looked for any professional help, he's adamant he can stop on his own! He hasn't yet, so now I'm just distrusting of anything he says or does. We haven't had sex for years, I go to bed feeling so tense incase he rests a hand on my leg!
But our children are still in primary school, and love their Daddy. I haven't told anyone about his addiction because I find it so degrading and cheap. And everyone likes my husband, he's a kind, quiet man. We had such big plans for the future, and we still work together trying to achieve them, but only in a bank money, decorate, move improve sense. Our marriage feels dead, and i don't like the children growing up around stalemate. But I'm terrified of what an alternative looks like. They want to see him everyday, and I don't want to hurt them.

You posted last June, I wondered how your getting on?

Crikeyalmighty · 17/01/2026 23:51

PoisedAnt · 17/01/2026 22:08

I've just found your post. My problem is very similar to yours, H has had a porn addiction for years. I've given up trying to openly discuss or show concern for his recovery. I feel I've been there too many times, he's never looked for any professional help, he's adamant he can stop on his own! He hasn't yet, so now I'm just distrusting of anything he says or does. We haven't had sex for years, I go to bed feeling so tense incase he rests a hand on my leg!
But our children are still in primary school, and love their Daddy. I haven't told anyone about his addiction because I find it so degrading and cheap. And everyone likes my husband, he's a kind, quiet man. We had such big plans for the future, and we still work together trying to achieve them, but only in a bank money, decorate, move improve sense. Our marriage feels dead, and i don't like the children growing up around stalemate. But I'm terrified of what an alternative looks like. They want to see him everyday, and I don't want to hurt them.

You posted last June, I wondered how your getting on?

I totally get you -at 64 I do care about my H , I don’t hate him, but it totally killed how I felt romantically when I knew he was at this multiple times a week, almost every day when I was out - it was brought up twice ( he doesn’t know how I know, but I do ) but he still never stopped - I realise others may not give a shit but killed the romantic aspect dead for me -

Copperoliverbear · 18/01/2026 00:02

Our relationship would be over, he’d be leaving.

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