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Relationships

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FWB more interesting in the B than the F

266 replies

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 08:42

I've been in a FWB type arrangement with the same guy for over 5 years. Known him as a friend for a bit longer than that beforehand.

We were never mad close texting everyday type friends, but he knows a lot of stuff about me that very few others do, and vice versa.

I've noticed in the past couple of months that he seems to be pulling away from the friendship side of things, and only seems to be interested in the benefits.

E.g. we've gone from meeting at least once a week to meeting about twice a month, and always on his terms.

He's stopped texting me socially and I now only hear from him when he wants to arrange our next meet up.

He no longer stays and chats after the deed. I usually get a "really sorry but I've got to go", or he just starts getting dressed again as soon as he's finished.

Don't get me wrong. The relationship is casual, and that's exactly how I like it, but it's just starting to come off a bit selfish.

He came round on Tuesday and afterwards we made arrangements that he would come back last night and spend the night. Didn't hear anything at all from him all day until 8pm when he cancelled on me. It was a closed-off message which invited no conversation - "Sorry not going to be able to come round tonight, need to be in work early tomorrow. Hope you have a good evening".

I won't hear from him again now until the next time he wants his dick sucked. Sorry for being crude, but thats what it feels like. He got what he wanted on the Tuesday, so I was already expecting him to cancel last night.

Don't really know why I'm posting. I suppose I just wanted to vent, and ask what should I do now? Do I raise it with him or do I just accept this situation is becoming a bit too one-sided than I would like, and call time on it?

OP posts:
Helpmeplease2025 · 05/06/2025 08:44

I wasn’t aware people were actually friends with their FWB’s. If so, aren’t you basically looking for a normal relationship?

Sounds like you want different things

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 08:45

I reckon he’s falling for someone

CottageGoblin · 05/06/2025 08:46

If you no longer like the terms, then it’s no longer for you.

Menendall · 05/06/2025 08:48

Sounds very sleazy. Why would you even entertain this. He’s clearly only interested in you for sex.

Bumpitybumper · 05/06/2025 08:48

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 08:45

I reckon he’s falling for someone

Absolutely this! He has had his head turned and his attention is elsewhere. You are being used and he doesn't really care about you at all. If you're happy with that then crack on but I imagine your self respect is nagging at you that this isn't really good enough.

SummertimeFeelingFine · 05/06/2025 08:49

Helpmeplease2025 · 05/06/2025 08:44

I wasn’t aware people were actually friends with their FWB’s. If so, aren’t you basically looking for a normal relationship?

Sounds like you want different things

Edited

Of course they were. That's why it's called Friends with Benefits as opposed to a booty call.

SummertimeFeelingFine · 05/06/2025 08:51

CottageGoblin · 05/06/2025 08:46

If you no longer like the terms, then it’s no longer for you.

This.

It's a risky thing to try anyway, although it can work well if both parties are on the same page.

But this isn't friendship; he doesn't value you as a friend.

Time to end this arrangement.

Profpudding · 05/06/2025 08:51

You are basically an unpaid prostitute, Why would you tolerate this?

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 08:52

Perhaps I am expecting a bit much from him. I'm not expecting him to gaze lovingly into my eyes after we've finished. Just take 10 minutes to have a chat and catch up with what's been going on lately.

I think I'm just pissed off because he cancelled so flippantly, when I've done plenty of compromising, including taking off work early, for him in the past.

OP posts:
Lighteningstrikes · 05/06/2025 08:53

Time to stop this arrangement and putting yourself through it.

Helpmeplease2025 · 05/06/2025 08:54

SummertimeFeelingFine · 05/06/2025 08:49

Of course they were. That's why it's called Friends with Benefits as opposed to a booty call.

He clearly views it more like booty call, that’s the issue with these arrangements; one person is usually ends up more invested than the other.

Either way, if OP doesn’t like it, she should end it.

Lighteningstrikes · 05/06/2025 08:55

He’s treating you like crap.

What are you going to do about it?

S0j0urn4r · 05/06/2025 08:55

Far too much fuckwittage. This arrangement is no longer serving you. Dump.

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 08:56

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 08:52

Perhaps I am expecting a bit much from him. I'm not expecting him to gaze lovingly into my eyes after we've finished. Just take 10 minutes to have a chat and catch up with what's been going on lately.

I think I'm just pissed off because he cancelled so flippantly, when I've done plenty of compromising, including taking off work early, for him in the past.

OP he will very shortly stop even the benefits

He has fallen for someone and not FWB but a proper relationship, so no need for him to have the chats etc with you.

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 05/06/2025 08:58

Op, to be blunt, do you both get off?

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 08:59

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 05/06/2025 08:58

Op, to be blunt, do you both get off?

Yes, we do.

OP posts:
Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 05/06/2025 09:00

I'd call him out on it and ask him what happened to the F part of your arrangement, give him a chance to explain/put things right given its been over 5 years and if he doesn't then yes absolutely call time on it

jsku · 05/06/2025 09:00

Sounds like you are expecting more than FWB now. The way you write is almost like you are complaining about a guy you just started dating.

The F in fwb is not a real friend. I’d probably describe it more as a ‘friendly’ F-buddy. He is being that. But you clearly want more - you want an ‘almost’ relationship, without defining it as such.

Get out before you get more resentment. Or - just enjoy sex and start dating other people to find what you are actually looking for

Lifeishardwork · 05/06/2025 09:02

He is using you for free sex.
If you don't like this then stop offering him it.
It sounds quite humiliating that he doesn't like you enough to spend time with you apart from the physical sexual act.

Leapfrogslight · 05/06/2025 09:03

I’ve had FWB situations before but we’ve not been very close friends, we have got on but I haven’t really messaged them outside of arranging meet ups etc. If this has happened it is because I’ve wanted more than a FWB relationship.

Sounds like it’s just run its course and is no longer working for you so probably best to just end it.

ThatWildMintSloth · 05/06/2025 09:03

He's probably started seeing somebody

DiamondThrone · 05/06/2025 09:03

Sound like you were focusing too much on the F...

After five years, OP, isn't it time to find someone who wants all of you? Maybe this arrangement has been stopping you progressing...

redtrainmuddle · 05/06/2025 09:04

It sounds like you’re not valuing yourself very well. I wonder why you don’t want him to stay or look at you lovingly, I’d start by really addressing that within myself if I were you. If the situation isn’t serving you as you’d like any more then listen to that discomfort and step away from the arrangement. But definitely look at your own values for yourself before you step into any future arrangement. FWB sounds fun and free but really it’s just avoidance.

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 09:05

I'm definitely not looking for more than a casual sex-only thing. It's just starting to feel a bit one-sided because he used to be good at "after care" and was always consistent in the past. It's just in the past couple of months it's completely changed.

OP posts:
inkognitha · 05/06/2025 09:05

It has run its course.
But WTAF did you keep that going for 5y?
FWB are temporary arrangements, not long term solution.