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FWB more interesting in the B than the F

266 replies

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 08:42

I've been in a FWB type arrangement with the same guy for over 5 years. Known him as a friend for a bit longer than that beforehand.

We were never mad close texting everyday type friends, but he knows a lot of stuff about me that very few others do, and vice versa.

I've noticed in the past couple of months that he seems to be pulling away from the friendship side of things, and only seems to be interested in the benefits.

E.g. we've gone from meeting at least once a week to meeting about twice a month, and always on his terms.

He's stopped texting me socially and I now only hear from him when he wants to arrange our next meet up.

He no longer stays and chats after the deed. I usually get a "really sorry but I've got to go", or he just starts getting dressed again as soon as he's finished.

Don't get me wrong. The relationship is casual, and that's exactly how I like it, but it's just starting to come off a bit selfish.

He came round on Tuesday and afterwards we made arrangements that he would come back last night and spend the night. Didn't hear anything at all from him all day until 8pm when he cancelled on me. It was a closed-off message which invited no conversation - "Sorry not going to be able to come round tonight, need to be in work early tomorrow. Hope you have a good evening".

I won't hear from him again now until the next time he wants his dick sucked. Sorry for being crude, but thats what it feels like. He got what he wanted on the Tuesday, so I was already expecting him to cancel last night.

Don't really know why I'm posting. I suppose I just wanted to vent, and ask what should I do now? Do I raise it with him or do I just accept this situation is becoming a bit too one-sided than I would like, and call time on it?

OP posts:
buffyandspikeandfaith · 05/06/2025 13:47

inkognitha · 05/06/2025 09:05

It has run its course.
But WTAF did you keep that going for 5y?
FWB are temporary arrangements, not long term solution.

Ha, I kept mine for 16 years on and off

CC222 · 05/06/2025 13:52

I think you should just be upfront, say you’ve noticed a change in his communication style to you lately and that the lack of effort outside of the physical deed doesn’t leave you feeling good. Ask what’s up with him…
You’ve known each other long enough that you should be able to have this kind of open conversation without it needing to cause tension.
Time to clear the air and understand what’s changed with him…

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 05/06/2025 13:52

End it.

NCtoavoidsniggering · 05/06/2025 13:53

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 09:18

I know he's having issues at the moment with his elderly parents. And he suffered the death of a close family member back in December. Maybe he's still trying to process everything.

Bollocks. As others have said, he’s moved from FWB to FB. To be blunt, you’re just a fuck if he’s feeling horny, you’re always available and he needs to make minimum effort before or after.

Solaire18381 · 05/06/2025 13:53

Doesn't sound like FWB at all. Sounds just like a sh*g, on his terms as you say. I'd be getting rid and finding someone else.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 05/06/2025 13:59

Sounds like you want more. Chats. Cuddles. Time. All these denote respect. He doesn't respect you.

If that's not important to you, then carry on being treated badly even in the B relationship. There is no friendship.

Coconutter24 · 05/06/2025 14:04

I won't hear from him again now until the next time he wants his dick sucked.

Then just don’t answer!

He has either met someone or gone off you.

SandyY2K · 05/06/2025 14:16

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 09:16

I was thinking about making myself "less available" to him, and see how he reacts. But we're both grown adults so perhaps I should just ask him what's going on.

He probably wants to move into a fu£k buddy relationship.

Panama2 · 05/06/2025 14:18

Is he always the one that calls the shots? Do ever call him for a booty visit?

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 05/06/2025 14:21

You need to call a halt.

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 14:21

SandyY2K · 05/06/2025 14:16

He probably wants to move into a fu£k buddy relationship.

I'm fine with that. It would have been good if he told me first though!

OP posts:
SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 14:23

Panama2 · 05/06/2025 14:18

Is he always the one that calls the shots? Do ever call him for a booty visit?

I have in the past. 9 times out of 10, he instigates it.

OP posts:
Todayisaday · 05/06/2025 14:35

You are wanting more, he is wanting less. He is showing you he is not interested in anything other than sex. He has probably started a new relationship. If it was always FWB then at some point one of you would pull back when you found a potential partner.
Time to call it a day.

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 14:40

Todayisaday · 05/06/2025 14:35

You are wanting more, he is wanting less. He is showing you he is not interested in anything other than sex. He has probably started a new relationship. If it was always FWB then at some point one of you would pull back when you found a potential partner.
Time to call it a day.

I don't want "more". I've been more than happy with our arrangement up till now. This is about the shift in attitude for the last 3-ish months.

OP posts:
BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 05/06/2025 14:51

So basically, he turns up for a service and then goes away again, without even being friendly.

You know what you have to do. Just say no.

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 14:52

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 14:40

I don't want "more". I've been more than happy with our arrangement up till now. This is about the shift in attitude for the last 3-ish months.

oh come on op, you do want the chatting back don’t you? So you do want more than he is currently offering up

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 14:57

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 14:52

oh come on op, you do want the chatting back don’t you? So you do want more than he is currently offering up

Maybe I misunderstood. I took pp's "want more" to mean "more than our setup was before".

Yes, I would prefer to keep the friendship side of things going.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/06/2025 15:02

I thought you meant bum not fanny 🤣🤣

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 15:04

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 14:57

Maybe I misunderstood. I took pp's "want more" to mean "more than our setup was before".

Yes, I would prefer to keep the friendship side of things going.

Stop navel gazing about the past I would. That’s gone. Someone else means something to him but he’s not quite ready to let sex with you go.

So you can limp on with this op, or you can finish it. Ball is in your court atm but I suspect decision will shortly be taken out of your hands anyway

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 15:04

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/06/2025 15:02

I thought you meant bum not fanny 🤣🤣

Ha! Brilliant. Grin

OP posts:
SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 15:09

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 15:04

Stop navel gazing about the past I would. That’s gone. Someone else means something to him but he’s not quite ready to let sex with you go.

So you can limp on with this op, or you can finish it. Ball is in your court atm but I suspect decision will shortly be taken out of your hands anyway

I don't think I'm navel gazing. I'm sure anybody would be wondering what's going on when someone you've known for years suddenly starts pulling away from you.

OP posts:
Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 15:14

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 15:09

I don't think I'm navel gazing. I'm sure anybody would be wondering what's going on when someone you've known for years suddenly starts pulling away from you.

Op you have spent all day on this thread wondering why your FWB has stopped chatting with you.

We have told you…. Doesn’t want to talk any more, can’t be arsed to anymore OR he’s keen on someone else and for more than FWB

TENSsion · 05/06/2025 15:15

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 15:09

I don't think I'm navel gazing. I'm sure anybody would be wondering what's going on when someone you've known for years suddenly starts pulling away from you.

OP, this is not casual sex for you. Move on. You’re kidding yourself.

SoopriseSooprise · 05/06/2025 15:17

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 15:14

Op you have spent all day on this thread wondering why your FWB has stopped chatting with you.

We have told you…. Doesn’t want to talk any more, can’t be arsed to anymore OR he’s keen on someone else and for more than FWB

Edited

With all due respect, the only person who can tell me why he's stopped chatting is him Grin

I did say there was no real purpose to this thread other than to vent.

OP posts:
Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 15:21

But even wanting a “vent” is energy wasted op about a FWB who’s no interested in the F bit anymore

why do you think he’s changed his approach if… no longer interested in talking or found someone else that he wants to talk to more?