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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Random Message DH Affair Part2

923 replies

basilbush · 01/06/2025 10:41

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

Random message saying DH affair | Mumsnet

Hoping for some advice here Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception). I would say we have a h...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

OP posts:
VivaDixie · 01/06/2025 10:45

Oh OP I lurked on the last thread but just wanted to post and say good luck. It sounds like she has the key to whatever is going on here.

Itcosthowmuch · 01/06/2025 10:47

Best of luck OP.

CocoPops39616 · 01/06/2025 10:51

Could it be someone else at the Baby Shower she knows something about?

Tagyoureit · 01/06/2025 10:54

Wow!!

But I read your last thread so I'm here dying to know why anyone would be so horrid!!

Good luck this afternoon!

Itcosthowmuch · 01/06/2025 10:55

That’s a thought @CocoPops39616

cantthinkofausername26 · 01/06/2025 10:56

Wow she sounds unhinged! Are you sure you should meet her? Maybe have DH lurking nearby?

Motnight · 01/06/2025 10:59

Blimey! Good luck, Op.

BurnTheWholeThingDown · 01/06/2025 11:00

Shamelessly placemarking for an update because this is all just so interesting (sorry not sorry)

I saw the first thread but thought 100% scam (there’s loads of similar on Reddit and it’s just from scammers scraping info) but the woman contacting you off the back of the post is intriguing.

Azandme · 01/06/2025 11:00

cantthinkofausername26 · 01/06/2025 10:56

Wow she sounds unhinged! Are you sure you should meet her? Maybe have DH lurking nearby?

I don't think she does, I think she knows something about someone else - ie that person has been saying things about OP/her DH and the post has clicked those things into place for college friends and she wants to tell OP them.

MBJ15 · 01/06/2025 11:01

Oh my. I followed the previous thread, this is crazy! How can people be so vindictive!!

Figgygal · 01/06/2025 11:09

Honestly I wouldnt have the time or inclination to be setting traps and meeting up with her why not just call her and run through it?
You still don't know its her so I'd not out and out accuse either

thenextthingtoface · 01/06/2025 11:12

Be careful OP, it sounds as if it's all getting a bit weird!

mangonut · 01/06/2025 11:13

Can people see/get notification that only they can see a post? There was a post about it here very recently, where a woman had done this and the man it was intended for got some sort of notification so she was really embarrassed. No idea how.

Good luck OP.

mangonut · 01/06/2025 11:13

Or has she read this thread?

greycross · 01/06/2025 11:16

Good luck. Go there with an open mind. She’s said she’s worried about a few things. She could tell you that she knows something about the situation which could be the truth. Or it could be her and she might try to make someone else look guilty. If it is her she will know you’re suspicious now she’s seen your post and you’ve also contacted her, now of all times. Or it might not be related at all.

Jealousy does funny things to some people, even good friends, so I wouldn’t rule friends at the baby shower out either. I’ve been there.

Mareleine · 01/06/2025 11:16

Shamelessly placemarking.

Largestlegocollectionever · 01/06/2025 11:17

How strange! We’re all heavily invested now

MBJ15 · 01/06/2025 11:21

mangonut · 01/06/2025 11:13

Or has she read this thread?

I wondered this!

MyKingdomForACat · 01/06/2025 11:23

Utterly fascinating. I had my money on kids messing about. See what comes to light later eh x

bookwormcrazy · 01/06/2025 11:24

I am really invested in following this. I need to know what happens. Please do keep us updated.

basilbush · 01/06/2025 11:24

My gut tells me she knows something rather than it being her. I’ve tried ringing her but she’s insistent on seeing me to clear the air. It’s all very weird language that suggests she’s got something to do with it.

for the poster asking, I set up a custom friends list with my DH, another friend and her in it for which the post was visible so she didn’t get notified that something was specifically just for her (I practised with DH so think this works)

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 01/06/2025 11:28

Sounds like she knows (or suspects) and will spill the beans later, but doesn't want to leave a papertrail.

Tagyoureit · 01/06/2025 11:29

basilbush · 01/06/2025 11:24

My gut tells me she knows something rather than it being her. I’ve tried ringing her but she’s insistent on seeing me to clear the air. It’s all very weird language that suggests she’s got something to do with it.

for the poster asking, I set up a custom friends list with my DH, another friend and her in it for which the post was visible so she didn’t get notified that something was specifically just for her (I practised with DH so think this works)

Edited

Very "Colleen" of you!

It certainly seems she knows something or think she does!

PeapodMcgee · 01/06/2025 11:32

I think if you post something to just one person on FB, that person can see it's just to them, no? I might be wrong about that, I hope I am, but got a vague recollection of this.

Edited - oh just saw your update, hopefully alright then

NewAgeNewMe · 01/06/2025 11:32

Best of luck. Have you got someone that could go with you for moral support if that’s what you want of course?