Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

Wow, all sounds a bit bizarre! Hope you get some answers .

Honestly over the years I have seen perfectly educated sane normal type people suddenly do unhinged things. So nothing would surprise me - I think if it’s this “friend”.

Following with interest. Stay safe OP

edited to say, wondering if she’ll say she’s been hacked and she knows it looks like her but it isn’t.

I wouldn’t have responded if I was her seeing a post like that unless I was involved in some way - I’ve seen quite a few distant ‘friends’ post weird shit at times but wouldn’t respond over and above posting on the post - certainly wouldn’t contact them individually

Hang on a minute! Given that you and your DH aren't splitting up, you are going to have to tell this friend, that you created that fictitious post, just to trap her. That's going to be pretty embarrassing, and is going to ruin any friendship you have. 😳

I rarely get invested in threads but I’m hooked.

I had something similar done to me and the Police are wrong, they can and should look into it. It comes under the malicious communications act and as the sender was abusive about you when you didn't originally bite and you have proof it's slandering your DH, it more than qualifies.
Clearly whoever has sent this has a real grudge, and I would be insisting that the Police intervene for your safety, and that of your DH and DC. The person has proven erratic, because they became angry when you failed to respond.

If you do meet the possible sender, make sure it's in a public place and you aren't alone. Record the meeting.

I find with the police and malicious communications, unless you actually tell them you're aware of that law they do nothing.
They have far more power than you do, WhatsApp will have location data and details of sign up that you can't access.

@basilbush "clear the air" is a really weird thing to say!!! can you set your phone to record the conversation when you meet. you wont be doing anything with this recording apart from letting your husband hear it. you wont remember everything she says.

Good luck today.

It must be connected to her.. otherwise she'd just text, not insist on a face to face meeting the next day.
Interesting if she doesn't know that you've twigged yet...

I think it's 100% her. However, be prepared she may make up some BS story to cover her tracks. Way too many coincidences here- she knew about the baby shower, she knew about other social events mentioned in the texts, she knew about your specific insecurities from college?- all of which were mentioned in the texts

My guess is she'll hint she "knows" your DH is cheating and is "concerned about you" at this meeting but wont admit it was her that sent the messages. She'll probably throw in a couple of red herrings to throw you off the scent.

ITS HER and there is something very wrong with her.

Until you have come across a lunatic it’s hard to believe. We had with a teen “friend” of one of our dds making awful crazy stories up about Dd and our family. Dd was temporarily rejected by her peers as a result. It was actually devastating at the time. We felt powerless. .

The teen later admitted it was all made up she was bored and jealous 🙄. I can’t ever forgive her. Kids fall out fine but this was next level. Plus Dd hadn’t even fallen out with her!

OP I’m shamelessly place marking. I do - as other have said - think her wanting to ‘clear the air’ is really rather odd.

Hoping all goes ok with today and that you get some answers

Another shameless place mark, this is such an odd story, need to see how it turns out...

Yesss!!! Absolutely this!

Hi. If it was only her seeing your Facebook status How would it be someone else sending you those WhatsApp messages?

totally invested! I really hope you get to the bottom of this!

Yes it will have said only visible to her (or is lists the people it’s visible to)

Shamelessly placemarking! Good luck OP!

I haven’t read all comments on the previous thread is it 100 its the friend who texted her to meet up? Wouldnt she text her from the fake number instead

You’re going to a lot of effort for someone who believes their husband.

Ok so then she will know she is the suspect, even if it’s not her. Of course she will want to meet up and talk if that is the case. Maybe in her eyes OP is the crazy one.

No because the fake number is hiding their identity - they wont tell the OP who they are. They want to ruin OP's marriage but wont admit who they are in real life.

Why would this friend want to "clear the air" too if she had absolutely nothing to do with it

How bizarre. I hope that you get to the bottom of this.

Has this friend got a partner and/or family of her own? Could this be some some weird jealousy thing?

Also intrigued how you're going to play it this afternoon. Will you play along with the story that you're splitting up? And how will you explain it if it turns out she's innocent?

Also she could just screenshot OP’s post and text it to anyone. And impossible to take back a rumour like that.