Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Random Message DH Affair Part2

923 replies

basilbush · 01/06/2025 10:41

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

Random message saying DH affair | Mumsnet

Hoping for some advice here Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception). I would say we have a h...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

OP posts:
Kimithy83 · 01/06/2025 13:04

@DoYouReallyhow is she unhinged?? Whether she trusts her husband or not this is someone trying to destroy a relationship! Surely any normal person would want to get to the bottom of it!! if it was your situation you’d just write it off? I think not.

Peanutlicious · 01/06/2025 13:04

Did the college friend reply to the breezy message you sent yesterday saying you had a random question for her?

JessCil · 01/06/2025 13:05

Brilliant, we have’t had a multi thread drama for a while have we?

You sound batshit @basilbush , but I’m here for it!

JessCil · 01/06/2025 13:07

On the slim chance this is legit, imagine a plot twist where the DH has been shagging around all along!

basilbush · 01/06/2025 13:08

Peanutlicious · 01/06/2025 13:04

Did the college friend reply to the breezy message you sent yesterday saying you had a random question for her?

Yes, she replied saying she was free yesterday for a call but I binned it off and said it was a WhatsApp meant for someone else and apologies, I had a lot going on. Then I set the FB post

i know that was a bit clunky and may let on something isn’t right but I’m just going to let her lead the convo this afternoon

OP posts:
Imintruugednow2025 · 01/06/2025 13:08

JessCil · 01/06/2025 13:05

Brilliant, we have’t had a multi thread drama for a while have we?

You sound batshit @basilbush , but I’m here for it!

She doesn't sound batshit at all, she's not working herself up, not being dramatic, not inciting anyone to join in ect. She's taken the advice of mumsnetters regarding a little trap..... and it worked?

CharlotteLightandDark · 01/06/2025 13:11

Saw your last thread this morning, the person from work sounded a more likely suspect but maybe the personal comments suggest otherwise

QueenBee2202 · 01/06/2025 13:14

Just commenting because I need to know what happens at your meeting this afternoon! 😂

Schweden · 01/06/2025 13:15

On the plus side, if your husband does ever cheat, he now knows the lengths you will go to in order to get proof. And that he will have to get up early to be ahead of you when it comes to hiding things.

DoYouReally · 01/06/2025 13:15

Kimithy83 · 01/06/2025 13:04

@DoYouReallyhow is she unhinged?? Whether she trusts her husband or not this is someone trying to destroy a relationship! Surely any normal person would want to get to the bottom of it!! if it was your situation you’d just write it off? I think not.

I really wouldn't.
It just seems like such a waste of time and effort.
I don't but into "crazy people" or give them much air time, especially when OP is 100% that the "evidence" she has been give it pure nonsense.

Clearinguptheclutter · 01/06/2025 13:17

Hope you get this all cleared up somehow

Theundertakerswidow · 01/06/2025 13:19

Very invested-be careful!

basilbush · 01/06/2025 13:19

Well she’s just messaged to say she’s running 15 mins late as needs to sort something out first. All very ominous but annoying as I’d like to get it sorted and still have an afternoon!

OP posts:
IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 01/06/2025 13:19

Just place marking because I'm weirdly invested!

Good luck OP.

Iamfree · 01/06/2025 13:20

Sorry placemarking I am today living my life vicariously through you OP. Please update as soon as you can. And PLEASE record the conversation so you can play it back

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 01/06/2025 13:20

mangonut · 01/06/2025 12:21

Ok so then she will know she is the suspect, even if it’s not her. Of course she will want to meet up and talk if that is the case. Maybe in her eyes OP is the crazy one.

If it's not her, she won't even know the allegation has been sent to the OP.

Mummyratbag · 01/06/2025 13:22

Those thinking OP is batshit for caing who this is - better find out than be forever wondering, suspecting various friends, getting a bit paranoid and overthinking anything anyone says. I would totally want to know!

basilbush · 01/06/2025 13:23
Independence Day Usa GIF by Broad City

I’ll see you all on the other side. I’m going to have some lunch now and get ready. I promise I’ll update after I’ve spoken to her

OP posts:
mumuseli · 01/06/2025 13:24

If it is her that's responsible for the poisonous Whatsapping, then she must be pretty unhinged and that unfortunately means that she might come out with more twisted stuff today. I think you're right, OP, to let her lead the conversation. She's the one who reached out for this meet-up, so let her do most of the talking first.
Sending strength to you!

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 01/06/2025 13:24

Best of luck OP. This is really an insane situation that you've found yourself in and you totally deserve some answers.

wordywitch · 01/06/2025 13:24

Good luck! Really hope you get the answers you’re looking for.

Kreepture · 01/06/2025 13:25

remember, they only turn into multi-thread posts because people keep posting on them and filling them up. I almost wish we could have one for the OP to post on and one for everyone else to discuss it xD

Merryoldgoat · 01/06/2025 13:25

@basilbush I rarely think ‘this OP sounds fab’ but you do.

Not hysterical, very practical, firm but not bonkers. All round class.

BulldogMumma · 01/06/2025 13:28

Another one shamelessly placemarking. Hope all goes well and you get the answers

Thecatandme · 01/06/2025 13:28

And me placemarking