Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

No, it isn't. The police do act on texts and also on tweets. I don't know why you think they don't when it is documented that they do. Just because you feel they haven't been attentive if you've had an issue doesn't mean anything really. Do you actually have experience of them 'not coming out to burglaries' or is that just something that you parrot?

This thread is becoming silly.
The police would not be interested in a few nasty texts between two middle aged women about a man.

I do have evidence of the police not coming out to a burglary of a very elderly neighbour in her 90s.
They said it wasn't a priority and to use their recorded message phone line.

Maybe it just depends on the area? That’s really sad re the burglary.

I started on Mumsnet because I was TTC and went on those support threads. 🤷‍♀️

There may be "plenty" of non parents on here. But it's certainly not obvious people without kids would be drawn to a site called "Mumsnet."

But a lot of people find websites (including MN) because they're searching for something else eg "trying to conceive", "my husband isn't supportive", "living on £100k salary", "teachers leaving the profession because parents are shit". They might then be drawn to other threads or areas of the site.

Lots of non mums use this site. There is plenty of other things around fashion, relationships etc.

I gotta agree on the police thing. No way would they prioritise it and would probably put it down to domestic dispute or something. I can't see them sending officers out over this - unless they alresdy caught all the criminals and had nothing else to do.

I was pretty invested but the story has so many twists and turns I've actually lost what the hells going on now.

Glad the OP found some closure of some kind I guess

That doesn't mean anything. Do you actually understand how policing works?! You don't appear to understand how quite a lot of things work, frankly. The same goes for one or two others who keep trying to derail this thread with nonsense.

There may be "plenty" of non parents on here. But it's certainly not obvious people without kids would be drawn to a site called "Mumsnet."
Of course it's obvious to non parents.

Salacious articles are always been lifted and put into the Daily Mail and regional newspapers on line,that draws people in.
Word of mouth is another way and as others have said Google search for something completely non kid related can bring you here.

Well I have been really invested in your post and am really grateful for the updates when you have had time. I think it's great that you didn't let it get in the way of your day to day life. That way she truly would have been getting the rise she desired. If you hadn't got such a strong marriage, who knows where this would have led. You do write really well and that's been part of keeping me engaged! Please ignore the negatives on mn, you always get that sort on any forum.

It has been obvious for years to most folk.

apologies for momentarily de-railing @basilbush

THIS kind of post is exactly why we still need the "funny" emoji. (with ref to its demise)

Really happy for you that it's ended up just being a shit weekend and not a marriage ending experience. It really difficult to prove a negative and had it happen to the wrong person or to be when your husband didn't have someone who was with him that you trusted, it could have been life altering.

I'm impressed that you were able to get to the bottom of who was responsible, I think I would be similar as I tend to be a bit of a "dog with a bone". I suspect CF might be a bit more culpable than she'd like to admit or events just got away from her but at least she was honest enough for you to have piece of mind.

To El, if you did find these threads, I get that life can be really shit/unfair sometimes and you can be thrown a curve ball that's enormously difficult to live through. I certainly have and am forced to live a life that nobody else would choose. Anger is a stage part of the coming to terms with things but if you can find a way to deal with it in a more constructive way, you will end up feeling better. It's easy to forget there's another person who reads the things we type in the privacy of our home but we do have a responsibility for the things we send to each other. If you had managed to break a marriage up and leave two innocent kids with a broken home, I don't think you would have felt better about yourself. Id definitely suggest some therapy to get to grips with your emotions and find a way to have a meaningful happy life.

Lastly I guess these two threads are a warning to all of us to curate what we share on social media and with friends. We are all interconnected nowadays and it's highlighted that someone who has malicious intent can be very damaging and use it against us. Privacy is important and it's not just "if you are innocent then you have nothing to hide".

The posters saying unlikely people are on here if they haven't got children is simply mind boggling

LOADS of posters havent got kids

I never understand those people. Do they only ever read and post on threads about parenting? Have they not noticed all the rest of the threads and topics that have zero to do with children?

I first came her for the feminist posts. Stayed for the banter and the company.

I haven't got children but i worked with children for 20 years. Done all the college and uni courses l, i was special educational needs coordinator / Worked closely with school, nurseries and local councils, so have lots of knowledge of SEN, Children's Mental health and general health
I know how the school systems work etc

I have had alot of usernames over the 10+ years i have been on here.
Made multiple threads which iv had solid advice on and also gave advice on hundreds of threads, only about half are to do with children

Everyone can get advice from parents / Non parents about all sorts of stuff

Plenty of threads about weather, Talking late in the night, what have you eaten today, weight loss, Cheating husbands, Work issues, friendship or parent in law issues, Health & mental health issues, Hand holding threads, Chronic illness threads, House threads, and lots of random funny ones too etc

To think that people may think just because you arent a parent it would be strange to be on here is rather insulting to be honest

Perhaps you missed this @ExercicenformedeZ it was in PART 1 - but the OP and her DH have already spoken to the police. They said they would log it but there was no case and if they escalated it there would still be no case.

I fully get how policing works but maybe you don't. There is a 2 year wait for rape cases to be brought to court. Theft and burglaries aren't dealt with. This exchange of texts (and don't forget OP's fake social media posts trying to elicit a response) won't go anywhere.

Well I completely missed that. When did it go?

An excellent post.

Back in the day we did it to stay under the character limit didn't we, and then predictive text would store & suggest your typical word usage so I can see why some people might continue it habitually.

I think someone else has said it but this probably is how OP's DH communicated in his 20s, I'm a similar age and would have used text speak then and babe/baby was used by people who've since grown out of it - I remember having similar conversations with a new bf in mid 20s about how it gave us the ick.

What kind of weird phone doesn't a ) have contacts in alphabetical order and b) a search function?

That is way more odd that anyone finding a contact in milliseconds

Mine 😊