Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

Oooo exciting

Record her! __

I can't imagine what you're thinking. Someone is betraying you somewhere. This friend is being really ominous.

If I knew something about a friend that would have devastating consequences I'd want them to know ASAP. I'd be picking up the phone for sure.

On what basis have you decided that?!

she didn’t fall for the trap OP set and it’s entirely possible that she’s just a bit of a drama queen who wants to insert herself in OPs “divorce”

It certainly points to a vindictive person making up lies, I hope this is the case and you super sleuth them out!

Record the conversation on your phone OP. That way whatever she says you have proof. Can always delete it if it’s innocent or not connected.

Will be thinking of all of you today. As others have said, stay safe.

So invested in this! Good luck OP, very strange use of language for her to use if she’s nothing to do with it. I just hope you manage to resolve the horrible situation.

What are you going to say to her?

Hope you get to the bottom of this OP x

Back from swimming. Just a couple of things

-regarding the FB post. As said above, me and DH tested it first and he wasn’t notified. I also didn’t set the post just for her

-I’m not worried about the friendship. Before March I hadn’t seen her in c20 years so honestly don’t care

-although she is FB friends with other mutual friends, I know from speaking to her in March she isn’t in regular contact with any of my friends so I’m not worried about a rumour starting!

-me and DH were originally going to call her yesterday afternoon but then saw the suggestion on the last thread of setting up this trap and went with that

-we’ve looked into recording the conversation and although it’s not illegal to record someone, you can’t then use it or some such. I’m going to record anything incriminating if I can if only to go back to the police after I logged it but it depends what she says really!

-im going solo. We’re meeting in a pub and even if she gets weird and rude, I don’t think I’m in physical danger. DH is taking the kids to the park

Wow, OP! Colleen would definitely be proud! Good luck this afternoon.

Hmm good luck. I would just be worried about her making me look unhinged to other people telling them I have posted that on FB..

How weird OP! Placemarking, stay around other people cuz she’s definitely a loon.

Oooh glad to see part 3.....let me catch up on part1 first 😁

Oooh glad to see part 3.....let me catch up on part1 first 😁

Perhaps she has seen the threads or perhaps the baby shower host you told has told others and it has got back to her that way.

Surely, I can't be the only one who things thst you are beginning to sound as unhinged as her with the sleuthing and plotting?

Maybe I've a simplistic view but doesn't it come down to whether you trust your husband or not and you do, then the messages are irrelevant really.

Honestly I don’t care. We have 9 mutual friends on FB other than my baby shower fiend (who knows what’s going on). All of these people are those I went to college with and most I haven’t seen in two decades. If she posts something about me afterwards and those few people think I’m weird then so be it.

i also don’t intend on letting on I know anything or that the post was fake until she spills the tea-whatever that is

Good luck getting some answers this afternoon.

This is fantastically sherlock holmes. I hope you get some good clues.

If people do hear about that post, just say your account was hacked and it wasn't you that posted it. That happens a lot.

She doesn’t have children nor seem to have a big online presence. I’m betting she isn’t on MN

And my baby shower friend has a newborn and more things to worry about. I’m pretty certain she won’t let anything on. They are work colleagues rather than solid friends

If your dh is there and it is her, if he's guilty you'll know and if he's innocent he can tell her, if its her, next time any more shit like this he's going to the police.

Hope all goes well this afternoon, I would need to know too.
Stay safe

I’m also simplistic which is why from the off I trusted my husband. But I can’t just shrug off that someone with very personal information about me has been so nasty.

And the sleuthing and plotting has consisted of I reply to the WhatsApp and one post on FB. I haven’t exactly wasted a lot of time on it (other than on Mn!). Whoever it is hasn’t actually thought it through very well at all