DH won’t let me rehome cat

[ThisCleverAmberEagle]

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

Yes. You made a commitment to the cat and you can't just get rid of it because it's inconvenient. Get an outdoor catio and put him out there for a couple of hours a day.

It does seem like you want to get rid of an animal you chose to take care of because it's now no longer convenient. That's never a good look.

You are responsible for the cat. It would be very distressing for the cat to be moved out of a home he’s happy in.

It’s not easy to just “rehome”’a cat as the shelters are bursting. I think Cat Protection offers to try to re home cats who stay with their owners until they are rehomed. It’s better than dumping in a shelter.
I also feel strongly that when you commit to take on a pet, you do so for its life.

Does it need to be an indoor cat?

Your DH is right.

Of course you can't re-home your cat just because it's annoying you.

I get that cats are annoying when you have a newborn baby - mine were too. But their lives have been completely turned upside down and they're looking for reassurance. Do you have a room you can shut them in for a while? I used to shut the door to the conservatory and leave the external door open sometimes, so they had access to outside and inside but couldn't get in the main house. And we shut them downstairs at night.

This. And re Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?
You're supposed to be a responsible person and keep the cat for the cats sake.
Will you not be back at work soon after mat leave and dc will be in childcare so less stress?

My best friend did this recently, and we’re no longer friends. I have no respect for people who commit to caring for a pet and then give it up because they decide it’s no longer convenient. Your husband is right.

Kindly @ThisCleverAmberEagle having owned cats for 40 years and during the baby stage, why are there cat hairs in the pram and around the baby's bottles

You can buy a net for the pram to stop the cat going in and as for the baby's bottle, you make the milk, feed the milk and wash and sterilise the bottle.

This reads as though you are simply fed up with the cat and making excuses. The cat is having to get used to a new baby and is stressed and wants cuddles. She's probably sensing your mood towards her. Try a couple of felloway plug ins.

It may be sensible not to have another baby as your older child is likelybto be clingy, want more cuddles and to be at the messy stage. If you do and things are too bad, I guess you could contact SS and put the older one up for adoption.

Honour your commitment to the poor cat. This is awful.

How much has dh stepped up to take on more of the responsibility? You have your hands full at the moment so it is down to him to be more proactive with cat care, litter trays, cleaning, etc. Does the cat need deshredding? More frequent grooming by him will reduce some of the hair around the house. Also consider whether being a partly outdoor cat might help, although I do understand this is partly due to cat preference. We have one very people orientated cat and sometimes we do encourage her to go out in the summer which she enjoys and gives us all a break.

Rehome it -you can’t risk being tripped up by it

@ThisCleverAmberEagle also, this thread really needs to be in "the litter tray" where there are experienced cat owners to advise you.

Getting up on the night to your baby is temporary.

How you feel now is likely temporary because you've recently had a baby.

I get that you're struggling and your focus is your baby, but try to find alternatives for the cat. Can it be shut in another part of the home at night? Or does it need more stimulation and perhaps dh could play with it and give it attention more in the evening to tire it out?

You just need to think through ways in which to keep your cat separate when you are tending to your baby. I know the cat will meow and scratch at the door, but after awhile they'll get used to the new routine. Then at other times be sure to give your cat plenty of attention to make up for this. Also make sure your cat gets a good grooming daily especially at this time of year to remove the shedding fur. Give that job to DH!

Your DH is right - your cat is a family member and it would be wrong to rehome.

I do agree with all PP that rehoming for your convenience is not good, so you should look at things that can help.

When you get up in the night, ask your husband to keep the cat with him, shutting them in the same room.

Do you have a tumble dryer? They really help reduce the level of cat hair in the home when it is removed from the laundry via the dryer.

I also agree with the catio idea.

Rehome it if it really is too much the hairs on baby stuff would drive me mad but at the same time the baby won't be a baby forever.
Sounds like you're overwhelmed if Ur husband wants it to stay he needs to step up.

Usually I would be thinking all of the above OP, but it sounds like your cat is desperate for attention, would it not be kinder to rehome to another household that will have the time to give your cat the attention that it craves? I totally get and can empathise that the last thing you want is cat sitting on your lap when you get a rare few moments to yourself. I had two under two, it’s bloody hard. We still kept our lovely dog and three cats, but they did go out. If DH wants the cat let him comfort him and feed him, litter box etc.

I'm with your DH on this one. It seems like your cat is no longer convenient for your lifestyle and you want rid. Not a good look. If you'd said that the cat was being aggressive towards the baby, that'd be one thing. But just because it still wants attention, it really doesn't warrant rehoming. I can't imagine just switching off my feelings for my dog like that. For context, I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I have a very clingy, cuddly dog who loves human attention. She's been in my life 4 years. I'm nervous about the change in circumstances, but even the mere thought of "what if she hated the baby and we couldn't keep her" literally makes me sob. Rehoming would very be much Plan Z, and would only be an option if I thought she was a danger to the baby. I've done a ton of research through pregnancy preparing to introduce them and how to build up their relationship so that this doesn't need to happen.

It's only been 4 months, the cat will slowly adapt. Can't you give it some toys or treats to occupy it whilst you feed the baby, or have some rooms which are out of bounds where you can feed the baby in peace? Do some research online into adapting to a pet/baby household and see what strategies are suggested. There's loads online for dogs, I'm sure there must be for cats too.

I strongly feel that a pet is a lifelong commitment, and as PPs have said, they're part of the family too. You wouldn't get rid of an older child because they still wanted attention whilst you were busy with a newborn, so a pet shouldn't be any different (to be clear, I am NOT comparing pets with kids - my point is that a cat is much easier to manage and adapt with than multiple children would be!).

OP, you sound generally quite irritable and possibly stressed by relatively minor things- do you think there are bigger issues underlying these?

To answer your question- yes it’s wholly unreasonable to rehome your cat.

Speaking as somebody who had dogs and cats with a newborn- it’s not a huge issue but I do understand that when you are tired, struggling in general even the littlest of things can seem huge. The cat isn’t really the issue.

I think you’re tired when you are getting up at night and irritable about the additional pressures of a baby. Rehoming your cat will not solve these. Having a baby isn’t easy.

Maybe discuss how you’re feeling with your DH.

This. I just can’t get on board with people giving up on pets when they become parents.

The cat is being a cat. I was expecting you to say the cat was attacking the baby or something.

Im with your husband. You shouldn’t rehome the cat.

I’ve got two dogs one who is a rescue and has extra needs. When I had my baby 18 months ago is was an adjustment but getting rid of family members never occurred to me…

When I took on my dogs I made them a promise, a home for life.

Why is he an indoor cat? With respect if he's stuck inside all day he's going to be underfoot and wanting attention. Maybe he's bored. There's also going to be more fur around the place as he never goes anywhere!

This is an even more ridiculous reason to get rid of a cat. Best not let the kid have any toys either in case they cause the OP to trip too. Maybe move into a bungalow while she's at it - stairs are a real hazard.

I hear you, when my first child was a baby I found my dogs quite overwhelming and irritating in a way I would never have anticipated before having kids. I really struggled to cope with their idiosyncrasies, like barking etc, as I had so much else to deal with, but it had never bothered me before. I loved my dogs so much before kids but seriously considered re-homing them, albeit to family and on a temporary basis.

i think your husband really needs to step up to help with the cat, put it in a different room when you can’t cope with it and maybe get a catio. You need, and I include your dh in this, to try to find a way to cope as in all likelihood this feeling will pass and you will probably regret re homing the cat. However if it doesn’t, re homing a cat to another lovely home where they can get the love and attention they want is not a sin and not something to be ashamed of, it is doing the best for the cat and for you especially if the alternative is an unhappy cat and an unhappy you.