DH won’t let me rehome cat

[ThisCleverAmberEagle]

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

Rehousing isn't disposing of. Stop being so dramatic. The OP is obviously struggling.

Yes, I think re-homing is the best option here. Your cat is probably lonely and needs more stimulation.

It’s also obviously making things difficult for you with the baby and your husband isn’t being very supportive. Why isn’t he responsible for feeding the cat and cleaning out the litter tray?

I have cats but they’re outdoor cats with cat flaps so they tend to lie next to me or on the top of the sofa rather than desperate to be on my lap. There’s also two of them (brother and sister from the same litter) so they have each other for company.

Urgh, I have no respect for people who want to get rid of their pets just because they've had a baby.

Cats can be annoying, but there are ways around every issue you raise. If the cat is on the worktop, shut the door to the kitchen when you aren't around (their food can go elsewhere). Shut the door to your bedroom, and take what you need to bed for bottle feeding - my setup was such that I didn't even get out of bed for it!

Shedding season will soon be over and the amount of fluff will reduce.

You don't just get rid of a family member because you have a more important one arrive. Millions of us (including me) have had cats and babies, it's not that hard. I say that as someone who managed with a baby, a toddler, a friendly disabled cat and a very aggressive and difficult cat who could open door handles. We managed. I'm sure you can manage with just a baby and a friendly cat.

Your husband should be stepping up though.

Things didn’t get “too much” - she got pregnant and before the baby was even born they had given the pet away (and initially looked into putting a perfectly healthy, young animal to sleep). If you make a commitment to get a pet, then you look after the pet. It’s simple. (And it’s no one else’s responsibility!)

Vile. Assuming the OP is in the UK, no reputable vet will euthanise purely on the grounds that the cat is no longer wanted (edited to add: I know this does happen in shelters if animals can't be rehomed, but unlikely to be followed through as a direct request from an owner). Plus there is another factor here - the husband actually wants to keep the cat. I imagine that, if the OP proposes to her DH that they just kill the cat instead of rehoming, she will quickly find herself divorced and in an even less comfortable position than she is currently.

Your cat just needs time to adjust to the baby being there. A pet is for life, it isn't a baby substitute that you can just dump when the real thing comes along 😠

Of course you can rehome your cat, your wellbeing comes first. It's a companion animal, supposed to improve the quality of your life, while also of course deserving a good quality of life itself.

You can't give it the attention it needs, and it does sound quite stressed and may well be happier in another home.

Your husband isn't being effected by the cat's neediness, only you, so he should be much more supportive of you, especially as you've just had his child! A PP suggeated that he gets up and cuddles the cat when you're feeding the baby, this might help him see how demanding the cat is, but no help during the day when you're home alone.

It’s always helpful when people say things like
fur baby
rehome the baby
people have had pets and babies since the beginning of time
because you know not to bother reading the rest of that persons advice as they are not very clever.
if your partner wants the cat the cat needs to be his responsibility and he can deal with it. If not then of course rehome, there is no comparison to your human child.
Good luck OP

It's not nearly as vile as the great British merry-go-round of endlessly recycled, disturbed, distressed cats and dogs 🤷‍♀️.

Surely that is the DH’s job. If he thinks the cat should stay and he can see the OP is overwhelmed right now, then he should step up. He can’t force the OP to cope because he tells her to, he needs to take some of the burden off her.

People talks about rehoming pets as if there is a perfect loving home out there just waiting for their pet.

Thats often not the case. Your cat could spend months even years in a cage at a shelter. Your cat could be adopted into a home where he isn’t taken care of very well at all. Your cat could be put down by a shelter.

he is inconvenient to you now. But you made a commitment to him. Awful.

You absolutely cannot rehome your cat. The poor thing sounds like he just wants some reassurance and love with the new baby here. Mine did the same when my little girl was born and I struggled for a little while to give him what he needed from me but eventually it became easier again and now I am back to being able to giving him lots of love and attention and my little one loves him.

Not once though did I ever think about rehoming my cat he is my family and he's been my rock over the years he might be irritating but so are children! Your child will grow and probably become best friends with your cat.

OP, I felt exactly the same when my daughter was born, I adored my cat before she was born and afterwards I felt almost resentful towards him (for all the reasons you've listed above). I didn't get rid of him and just got on with it and I am so glad I did, 17 years later he's still around and part of our family.

If you know someone (friend, family) who would like the cat and you know they would give him a good home then I would consider rehoming him. Other than that - no. Shelters are full, it's kitten season, he would struggle to find a good home. You took the cat on, you have a commitment to him and you can't send him to a shelter because you're fed up with him being clingy.

If there is that much fur flying around you need to (a) brush the cat regularly and/or (b) let him go outdoors.

Also, as many others have said above, could you not just let him outside? You won't see him for dust then ;)

Get a chip activated cat flap and an automated biscuit feeder (we've got a petlibro but there are others). Ours is also very food motivated but hassles a lot less now he has 6 small meals a day, the biscuit robot as DS calls it dispenses at; 6:30am
12 noon
5 pm
9pm
he gets wet food at 7:30/8am and about 7pm.

He's getting the same amount of food overall but smaller portions more frequently and we only have to think about the two wet feeds.

I'd also make sure he has plenty of toys to keep his brain occupied things that he has to play with to get a treat out of, those catit track and ball sets that can be configured in different ways too.

Adult cats are very difficult to re-home unless you have a friend or family member who wants them. I agree with your DH it's a cat not a snappy dog, it's really not a major issue. You'll find he's a lot less clingy if you let him actually go out and be a cat.

She's struggling, but it's likely to be very temporary.

The baby's not going to stay tiny for long, she'll start getting sleep and reduce disturbed nights, she might have PND which if treated will get better.

If her dh would do more with the cat and she rides it out, she'll probably be glad she kept it.

Well, rehoming an animal because you hav something you love more is a pretty dick move, but, having witnessed this happen in a family I know (and the cat, after being adored and loved for several years, suddenly being shouted at and ignored) is probably not a good thing ,so if you know anyone who will look after her properly then let them have her. And learn a lesson from this - don't get any more animals.

OP, you seem to have had a very hard time on here. Rehoming animals is something people feel very passionately about.

We had a similar situation. We had cats prior to having children and, once my LO was crawling, it became clear that they were allergic to cat hair. I have always been a little allergic but had developed a tolerance.

Our cats were also indoor cats and very high maintenance. It was clear over time that they were quite distressed at not getting as much attention as we used to be able to provide them with.

I posted on here at the time and had a very similar collection of replies. Lots of people suggested we wait it out or try to get our cats outside instead; but our cats were (kindly!) stupid indoor cats and sending them outside could have had awful consequences. One of them was also too lazy to leave the house!

Ultimately we made the difficult decision to rehome them. We were only getting more stressed and it was a hard time.

We didn’t put them in a shelter though. They wouldn’t have coped with that distressing environment. Instead we asked around for people who were looking for cats. Thankfully a local family were looking to adopt indoor cats and they were gone after a couple of weeks.

We’ve not kept in touch too much as I found it upsetting - in a lot of ways they were our first babies and our house felt very empty when they were gone. But I do know from friends of friends that they are happy and healthy in their new home.

You know what’s right for you and your family. All I do know is that the indecision and conversations about it caused a lot of stress - I would kindly suggest you decide what you’re doing and stick to it. It felt like a weight off our shoulders once we found them a new home.

Why on earth would you keep a cat indoors? That's unbelievably cruel in the first place, and if it was going outside like it's meant to, you wouldn't be having this issue. It sounds like it needs cat loving owners, in truth, and rehoming it would be a kindness.

I felt like you when I had a baby and a cat. It felt like there was fur everywhere and it seemed unsanitary. I would suggest limiting the cat to certain rooms, if possible a room with a door into the garden so it can come and go. If not then catio idea is great.

OP owes it to her cat to give it a chance. Her baby is only four months old - not the time to be making permanent decisions about an animals' welfare.

If you'd read any of my previous comments on this post you would know I've already expressed my strong feelings on this. Every dog I've owned has been a rescue, and I've worked bloody hard to rehabilitate them all, so I fully understand how the system works from repeated firsthand experience. My stance is if you can't guarantee you're committed to it, don't even consider getting an animal in the first place.

Of course I do understand that circumstances can unexpectedly change, but having a child is not unexpected. You have 9 months to learn how to adapt your life to manage both. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I currently have a dog. I've done so much research and training throughout my pregnancy to prepare for my dog and baby cohabiting. We've been making adjustments to the dog's lifestyle long before baby's arrival, so it won't be a lot of dramatic and sudden changes when baby arrives. For example, the dog used to sleep upstair, but for a good 5 months now she's not been allowed upstairs at all - she's now used to it as upstairs will be where baby is sleeping. There's been baby furniture and a pram in the living room for 2 months so she's used to it. I've even been carrying around a baby doll so she's used to me having something else in my lap 😂

The only acceptable grounds for rehoming, in my view, would be a change in circumstances that means the animal's needs can no longer be met (owner illness, loss of home etc), or in the scenario of having a baby, if the animal is showing signs of being dangerous to the baby. In this case, nothing the OP has said sounds like it can't be adapted to.

What the fuck?!