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Original poster

DH won’t let me rehome cat

348 replies

ThisCleverAmberEagle · 26/05/2025 07:07

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

OP posts:
SmoothRoads · 26/05/2025 08:01

MrTiddlesTheCat · 26/05/2025 07:19

Your DH is right.

Yes, but he is also a hypocrite. A pet is a family animal. Op is doing all the caring for the cat and the husband is not pulling his weight here.

Mischance · 26/05/2025 08:03

I am mind boggled by the replies on this thread!
If you can't cope with the cat then it will have to go elsewhere. It is as simple as that.
You do not have to throw it out on the street. You have to make proper provision for it. But you are not obliged to keep it.
My DD has a cat that was rehomed with them in just this situation. It is a very happy cat with them. They did not judge the person who was unable to care for it any longer. I think it was done via Facebook, and it was done with care and consideration.
It is no great drama.

Sayshesheshe · 26/05/2025 08:04

butterflies898 · 26/05/2025 07:52

I loved my cats dearly before having my baby. In the newborn days I distinctly remember hating them and wanting to get rid of them. I hated most things at that time! However, two years on, things have settled, they are a delight with my daughter who is obsessed with them and I am so glad I have them still. Don’t do anything you might regret while you’re in the new baby era.

It’s surprised me just how much I am annoyed by the cats after having a baby, for 7 years they were the loves of my life but the characteristics I adored before (clingy, loud, cuddly, playful) I’m finding so irritating.

but I know it’s a sleep deprivation adjustment phase and I hope that in the future they’ll be best buds with the baby - she’s already obsessed with trying to touch them!

So I say ride it out of you can and get your husband to feed them and do the litter.

Mischance · 26/05/2025 08:05

NattyTurtle59 · 26/05/2025 07:58

And yet somehow plenty of mothers have been managing babies and pets since the beginning of time ........

Edited
Show quote history

Everyone is different in what they can cope with. What others do is irrelevant. This mother is struggling and, rather than judge her, she should be helped and understood.

Mercurial123 · 26/05/2025 08:08

I really hate it when people rehome pets when a baby comes along. You really didn't think this through did you?

Sunnyside4 · 26/05/2025 08:09

No disrespect, but you've now got a baby as well as your fur baby and your love and time are divided right now, and many will understand your attention right now is on your newborn. However, things change, you'll soon be in a much easier routine and have more time, so I think you'll seriously regret rehoming him. Also, how you're going to make your DH feel - could he help a bit more with cleaning, hoovering etc when he's around as a compromise.

I had a lovely little cat who'd constantly sit on me. I managed both. Babies bottles can be cleaned, excess fur can be removed from bedding if it gets on there. I kept the house as clean as I could when I had DD but other than essential child checks, a mouth accident and having her appendix out, she only needed to see the GP twice when growing up! - she was a very healthy child, got over colds/bugs quickly, so any fur obviously didn't do her any harm.

PermanentTemporary · 26/05/2025 08:10

Of course you could rehome the cat. (I have 5 of them and wish I didn't, I will discharge my responsibilities as well as I can but if eg dp's son decided to take one to live with him I would be delighted).

Talk to your dh again. If he absolutely won't allow it, what is he going to do about it? Will he sleep with the cat and keep it out of your way, clean up the hair etc?

Mercurial123 · 26/05/2025 08:10

Notellinganyone · 26/05/2025 07:35

People on Mumsnet are nuts when it comes to animals. Of course you can re home your cat. I’d put my foot down with DH. It’s a cat not a baby.

Or most of us are responsible pet owners who live happily with babies and pets.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 26/05/2025 08:11

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 26/05/2025 07:22

How much has dh stepped up to take on more of the responsibility? You have your hands full at the moment so it is down to him to be more proactive with cat care, litter trays, cleaning, etc. Does the cat need deshredding? More frequent grooming by him will reduce some of the hair around the house. Also consider whether being a partly outdoor cat might help, although I do understand this is partly due to cat preference. We have one very people orientated cat and sometimes we do encourage her to go out in the summer which she enjoys and gives us all a break.

I absolutely agree with pps. But also… why are you the one that’s cleaning the litter tray? The food dishes?

you’re clearly struggling. Now is the time for your DH to step up and do these with for the cat you jointly own!

and I second the suggestion of a catio if at all possible.

The clinginess is also why indoor cats shouldn’t be kept alone. Cats aren’t solitary animals. He doesn’t have any cat friends (or enemies…) so you’re the one he comes to fulfill all his social needs. Poor boy.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 26/05/2025 08:11

mintandpistachio · 26/05/2025 07:20

My best friend did this recently, and we’re no longer friends. I have no respect for people who commit to caring for a pet and then give it up because they decide it’s no longer convenient. Your husband is right.

And what help and support did you offer your 'best' friend before everything got to much for her? Or did you just ignore her issues and relish an opportunity to be sanctimonious as you have been here?

Notquitegrownup2 · 26/05/2025 08:11

When you get up for the baby, just wake your dh and tell him the cat needs him to cuddle her, whilst you feed little one. He can take it back to bed if he wants but he needs to look after it.

faerietales · 26/05/2025 08:11

I’d my DH wanted to rehome one of our cats because of this I’d tell him to bloody suck it up too.

Wynter25 · 26/05/2025 08:12

Poor cat

Flashahah · 26/05/2025 08:13

littleblackdress26 · 26/05/2025 07:27

Rehome it if it really is too much the hairs on baby stuff would drive me mad but at the same time the baby won't be a baby forever.
Sounds like you're overwhelmed if Ur husband wants it to stay he needs to step up.

Step up and what? How can he solve the fact that OP
has decided she no longer likes having a cat?

category12 · 26/05/2025 08:13

Mercurial123 · 26/05/2025 08:08

I really hate it when people rehome pets when a baby comes along. You really didn't think this through did you?

Its not a case of she didn't think it through. She didn't expect to feel this way.

Hormones, tiredness, being a parent for the first time can throw you for a loop.

Just got to remember, it passes.
The baby stage passes,
PND passes (with help).
How she feels is temporary.

SisterMargaretta · 26/05/2025 08:13

The relationship with your cat can change when you have a baby. My cat was very used to lots of lap time and there just wasn't able to be as much time for that when I had a newborn. She was always "my" cat and DH and she were just mutually tolerant of each other so she didn't sit on his lap. I don't think the cat ever got over it fully but she was still contented enough and certainly a lot happier in her familiar territory than being left in a shelter. This is absolutely the worst time of year for cat shelters as they are overwhelmed with kittens.

Your baby is still young and it might take a while for you and the cat to adjust. Your DH should step up more with things like the litter tray. Is there a special reason for being an indoor cat? Being able to go outside might offer him some freedom away from the baby.

UrbanMonstrosity · 26/05/2025 08:13

You’re free to do whatever you want op and need to be able to prioritise your and your baby’s wellbeing.
If your dh isn’t on board with this, then you need to reach a compromise somewhere and he needs to step up.

DeffoNeedANameChange · 26/05/2025 08:14

There's no harm in approaching a shelter and seeing if they'll work with you to find a more suitable home for him, especially as lots of older people specifically want a cat that will sit on their lap all day. It might be that you put out feelers, but haven't found anyone after 6 months or so, and actually everything is feeling calmer at home by then anyway.

I love my pets, but your own mental health must come first. Ignore anyone ridiculous who says it's like putting a toddler up for adoption😒

cherrymaoam · 26/05/2025 08:15

Why is he an indoor cat? He would be much less clingy and happier if he could go outside. Cats are natural roamers and need the stimulation of being outdoors. Can you get a cat flap fitted?

WhatANightForADance · 26/05/2025 08:16

I hope this is a wind up. If it’s real, I really can’t say what I’m thinking as I’d be deleted, but people that get rid of animals because a new baby has arrived make me sick. FFS. 🤬

Humans are awful sometimes.

BabyDoge · 26/05/2025 08:17

This happened with me too. In retrospect I think it was another symptom of my PND, but when we had DS I absolutely hated our cats. I just saw them as an inconvenience while I had something more important to look after. I found that my feelings changed as DS got older and more capable, and I had more head space for them again. Although the fur does still get on my nerves.

Just to add though it's not easy to rehome a cat. My mum is trying to rehome her cat and they've been on the waiting list since October. And as PP have mentioned, even when you reach the front of the queue they keep the cat in your home until a suitable home is found.

ladycarlotta · 26/05/2025 08:18

Totally sympathise - I could say exactly the same, word for word, about our cats since I had DD2. In fact I purposefully held off getting any pets until DD1 was older and less dependent, I knew I was touched out and genuinely couldn't face the thought of clearing up anyone else's shit. But then I had another baby and now we have cats and a baby 🙄🙄🙄

What I will say is that this phase is likely to end. So it's on you to decide whether you want to risk feeling regret about giving them away later. Personally I feel it's worth persisting as I want the kids to grow up with pets. I'm probably at an advantage as I can see DD1's lovely relationship with them. But I don't think you'd be making the wrong decision to rehome if you find this unbearable. As you say, it's kinder to everyone.

MaySea · 26/05/2025 08:19

As the cat was there first surely you should rehome the baby.

CatsWhiskerz · 26/05/2025 08:20

Your DH is right, but you need to make adjustments. Your DH maybe needs to step up with the cat and sort the food / litter. Catio is a brilliant t option as the cat maybe feels it's been replaced. I suspect he would enjoy a companion too, my two boy cats entertain each other all day, they bother me for food and love but only when they want it! Also give the calms feliway spray and cat nip sessions as they both help destress cats

its2346 · 26/05/2025 08:21

If you do get rid of your cat, please don’t ever get another pet in your whole life. You clearly don’t love it the way you should or you wouldn’t even be considering this.