DH won’t let me rehome cat

[ThisCleverAmberEagle]

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

I agree with your points, but I also think that very often euthanasia is a kinder option for an animal. They have no powers of reasoning or fear of death, and while you obviously work incredibly hard with your rescues, this is the exception rather than the rule.

There's no need to call me vile for holding this view 🤷‍♀️

Cats are the cleanest animals on the planet. It really isn't worth worrying about.

We had 2 cats when we had our babies. Babies were curious - cats ignored them.

But I agree that letting the cat go outside will be very helpful.

Ignore people on here OP, of course you can rehome the cat @ThisCleverAmberEagle

What the actual fick...

Like others have said, you need to let the cat out now. Get a catflap. When I had my baby my cats used to leg it out the cat flap as soon as they heard me coming with the baby in the morning. Your cat will be happier too, as it will have a much more interesting life outdoors.

Great chat 👍

Thank god, I thought I was going nuts!
Mumsnetters can be so supportive to new mums who are clearly struggling.
Yet here is a mum who is absolutely at the end of her last nerve, being treated like crap. I don't get it.
OP, your wellbeing and that of your baby is more important than your cat. If your DH wants to keep the cat then he has to step up and find ways of keeping it out of your way, and keeping the cat hairs down. You have enough to do caring for a new baby. If he won't help, introduce your cat to the great outdoors or find someone who will temporarily or permanently take it on. Ask your DH how important your mental health is to him. Wait for his answer.

I don't know why you've singled me out when multiple users have quoted you who clearly disagree with you too. Plus I didn't say "you're vile". That's your interpretation.

@TheCurious0range You cannot just suddenly allow an indoor cat to go out! It wouldn't last 5 minutes.

@MarySueSaidBoo No, it is not cruel to keep cats indoors, that is a very outdated way of thinking. Indoor cats can have very happy lives.

YABVU. Poor cat.

My cats always lived indoors until one of them showed severe signs of stress (which nearly killed him) and our vet told us that we needed to let him out for his own well being. So, summer came and out they all went as adults - never had a single issue with any of them and they're all thriving to this day.

Who said it needs to be sudden?

Those supporting OP - do you not think there's a chance she'd regret rehoming the cat in 6 months? She's in the thick of it now with a small baby but it really is a transient phase

Absolutely rehome the cat! I’m a cat lover, owner and I fosters for RSPCA. A young, healthy happy & loving cat will be snapped up. I’d suggest DIY through pets 4 homes website and vet people yourself. You’ve got to prioritise you and baby sanity.

That is absolutely horrendous advice.

The little voice in your head whispering: “Get rid of it,” is just hormones. Ignore it and it will go away. The newborn stage is stressful but it passes. I think you would regret bundling out your pet down the line.

Let the cat go outside. The poor thing is begging for attention because it is bored and under-stimulated. Yes, there is a certain amount of risk in letting them out but they love it. And it is better than being sat in a shelter competing for the chance of a home with this season’s batch of incredibly cute kittens.

Get a robot hoover, a net for the crib/cot, a brush for DH to use on the cat and close the door of the baby’s room.

I have had two DC and each time I had cats. The cats, wisely, tried to give the new noisy things a wide berth in the early days but as time went on it was lovely to see how relationships developed between them. I have very fond memories of one lovely, tubby, placid girl in particular, who allowed herself to be treated as a living teddy bear by a toddler.

Both my DC grew up to adore cats, and the cats were, and are, an unending source of comfort and companionship for them. Heartbreak, exam stress, friendship breakdowns, family squabbles and so on - there have always been one or more friendly, cuddly cats happy to see them and snuggle up to them.

Don’t make a decision you will regret.

I think you need to give it a bit more time. I have so many friends who fell out of love with their pets when they had a baby for a period, and then got it back once they were more settled and in a routine.

you’re in a high stress period of a new baby, little sleep and probably feeling a bit touched out and overwhelmed. Also then having a pet to look after too can feel too much. But it does and will get better!

I’m also saying this from experience from having 2 dogs!

Yep, you see it quite a lot.

People rehome their pet, and then next thing you know they're getting another one. 😣

Her husband loves it.

OP, your wellbeing and that of your baby is more important than your cat.

They're both important. The baby is only four months old - now is not the time to be making permanent decisions about animals and where they live.

Poor cat. You want to take it from its home, where it is clearly happy and settled just because its annoying you.

Your DH is right. You made a commitment when you had the cat to take care of it. You can't just get rid now you have a baby. The cat is part of your family so find a way to cope with it. Make some adjustments.

You think euthanising a cat when 'it' is no longer 'convenient' is acceptable?

I'll say what the actual fuck!

It’s probably safer that OP rehomes the baby, as an adult can sustain a trip but it’s just too dangerous to have a baby around…

Yes, because a human child is exactly the same as a pet cat.

When first ds was born I felt the same way about my cats I went from loving them to feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I never suggested they be removed as I wouldn't have been able to go through with it and dh wouldn't have agreed anyway but I regretted getting them. Now my dc are 1&3 and I think having pets is one of the best things for them. It teaches kindness, understanding of animals, how to be gentle etc. They are very much part of the family and when eldest talk about his family he says mum, dad, baby bro and cats names. His favourite plate has a painting of our cats on them.

Try reading some of the Judith kerr mog books to baby as they grow bigger it's a nice way to think about how they will interact in the future.

Best advice i was ever given was 'don't make any important decisions you dont have to for the first year after having a baby'

Give it a year and if you still feel the same have another conversation with dh but chances are you willl feel very different

Also when I'm feeling stressed I find my cats are the best listeners