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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH won’t let me rehome cat

348 replies

ThisCleverAmberEagle · 26/05/2025 07:07

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 26/05/2025 08:22

Why does your cat not go outside? My cat had a cat flap so she could go outside anytime she wanted, she also wasn't allowed upstairs, and I would occasionally keep her in a separate room if needed.
Tell your DH that it is his responsibility to empty the litter tray, if the cat isn't going out.
Restrict access to certain parts of the house.

Ilovelurchers · 26/05/2025 08:26

OP, I hope you aren't reading most of these responses. They are fucking insane. As if the needs of your cat come above the needs of a human, and you must from henceforth endure a life of misery so that your cat can be happy. Even tho your cat could quite possibly be happy in a new home too - irrelevant - your cat must not be inconveniencrd in THE SLIGHTEST WAY, and if that completely destroys your experience of motherhood and your bond with your baby, who cares? Cat comes first.

What's especially insane, is that I imagine at least half of the people saying this eat animals......

Of course you should re-home the cat, OP. Also, respectfully, please consider an appointment with a GP, as it's possible you are struggling with a bit of PND related anxiety. And one good way to tackle this (though not the only way,) will be to remove the source of it. The cat.

And you and the baby need to be your husband's priority now, not the fucking cat. He needs to step up and realise what it is to be a father, and that he can't always put himself first any longer........

Good luck. And honestly, please see the GP. It's important. And stop reading the replies on here. A lot of posters don't care if they risk making somebody's mental health worse, sadly.......

User27563 · 26/05/2025 08:26

I know it doesn't seem like it now but this bit of the baby stage will soon pass!

Shut the cat into a different part of the house if you need a break

Unpaidviewer · 26/05/2025 08:28

People are crazy on MN. It sounds like the cat would be happier in a different home. Do you have anyone in the family that would want him?

IcyPlumOtter · 26/05/2025 08:29

I understand OP. What you are going through is hard.

I had a cat who was my 'baby' before I had a baby. Being Tonkinese she had a loud voice and liked to talk, and she could open doors.

When the Maternal Child Health Nurse came to check on me and baby, the nurse checked the baby's cot for 'sleep safety' (they do that in Australia) - and the cat had let herself into the room and was asleep in the cot. The nurse didn't think that was funny. I became paranoid the cat would smother the baby.

I started thinking of my affectionate cat as a dirty, dangerous animal. She was extremely loud and would wake the baby which drove me crazy. I raised rehoming her but DH wouldn't hear of it. He came up with solutions - he solved the door issue with a door jam so she couldn't get in when we were asleep or not in the room with the baby. He took the cat to the vet and got 'kitty Valium' which greatly calmed her down and helped shut her up - turns out she was stressed by the new, loud mammal in the house.

I'm glad I waited because eventually I loved her as a pet again and she was so gentle and playful with my child as he became a toddler.

Maybe your DH should try taking the cat to the vet for some calm-down meds?

edited sp

Mischance · 26/05/2025 08:30

Ilovelurchers · 26/05/2025 08:26

OP, I hope you aren't reading most of these responses. They are fucking insane. As if the needs of your cat come above the needs of a human, and you must from henceforth endure a life of misery so that your cat can be happy. Even tho your cat could quite possibly be happy in a new home too - irrelevant - your cat must not be inconveniencrd in THE SLIGHTEST WAY, and if that completely destroys your experience of motherhood and your bond with your baby, who cares? Cat comes first.

What's especially insane, is that I imagine at least half of the people saying this eat animals......

Of course you should re-home the cat, OP. Also, respectfully, please consider an appointment with a GP, as it's possible you are struggling with a bit of PND related anxiety. And one good way to tackle this (though not the only way,) will be to remove the source of it. The cat.

And you and the baby need to be your husband's priority now, not the fucking cat. He needs to step up and realise what it is to be a father, and that he can't always put himself first any longer........

Good luck. And honestly, please see the GP. It's important. And stop reading the replies on here. A lot of posters don't care if they risk making somebody's mental health worse, sadly.......

Well quite.

faerietales · 26/05/2025 08:30

Unpaidviewer · 26/05/2025 08:28

People are crazy on MN. It sounds like the cat would be happier in a different home. Do you have anyone in the family that would want him?

The cat doesn’t sound unhappy - it’s the OP that’s unhappy.

InMyOpenOnion · 26/05/2025 08:31

You could try asking around friends and family rather than sending the cat to a rehoming shelter. My friend did this with one of her cats - she had twins and whilst one cat was fine, the other seemed to really dislike the babies. My friend's sister took the cat, and everyone was much happier, including the cat.

LynetteScavo · 26/05/2025 08:31

If you know someone who will give the cat a good, loving home then rehome it. But you can’t just send it off to an animal shelter because you’ve gone off it. Some cats need lots of brushing, it just comes with owning a cat, unfortunately. In the long term, it will be nice for your child to grow up with a pet.
Does it have to be an indoor cat? It might be less needy if it runs off some energy outside.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 26/05/2025 08:31

Sorry but this is a human problem not a cat problem.

If there is hair in the worktops and baby's bottles and dummy then I am sorry but you and dh are not cleaning your house and you have not trained your cat. Yes they can be trained.

I have 2 cats. They know they are jotnallowed on the worktops. If they try they are swotted off.

I have a long haired cat that sheds like buggery but there is never food on plates and the like.

You and DH need to step up. Rehoming the cat is lazy.

Would you rehome your baby when there are toys everywhere or a stomach upset means there is shit everywhere? No...so don't be so ridiculous about the cat

AliasGraced · 26/05/2025 08:32

I had a cat when I had my first child. When the baby was born the cat had a nervous breakdown. It hid in the rafters and only came out for food for months. The cats personality changed completely and I just couldn’t cope with it . It really sounds like your cat needs to be rehomed to someone with more time and no children.

MatildaMovesMountains · 26/05/2025 08:32

Euthanasia may be the kinder choice - that sounds counterintuitive, but being rehomed is incredibly stressful for cats and risks triggering behaviours that make it more likely they'll be rehomed again. Speak to a vet you trust and discuss your options.

AliasGraced · 26/05/2025 08:33

MatildaMovesMountains · 26/05/2025 08:32

Euthanasia may be the kinder choice - that sounds counterintuitive, but being rehomed is incredibly stressful for cats and risks triggering behaviours that make it more likely they'll be rehomed again. Speak to a vet you trust and discuss your options.

This is ridiculous

Vinorosso74 · 26/05/2025 08:33

Rescues are overrun and have long waiting lists. Some have closed their waiting lists. This year has been horrendously for kittens (that's a whole other rant from me). You would be low priority so a long wait.
People's circumstances can change meaning they can no longer give their cat the right care so rehoming via a charity is the option.
I do feel this is the typical baby comes along, don't want the cat now scenario. Your DH needs to step up with regards caring for the cat. As you won't get a rescue place soon, see how it goes.
Cats Protection do a direct home to home adoption which is less upheaval for the cat, although they would still need it to be seen by their vet.

readytotumble · 26/05/2025 08:33

Last in, first out.

Obviously I am not seriously suggesting you put the baby up for adoption, but assuming you chose to have both then you have made a commitment to both, they are both dependent on you and you chose that, not them.

Your poor cat is used to having lots of love and attention and will now be feeling sidelined just the same as many little ones do when a new sibling arrives. The baby stages all pass very quickly and in no time you’ll have a toddler and cat who love each other.

The cat fur everywhere situation in my house is currently at it’s peak as the weather is getting warmer, if you don’t already, it might help if you get one of those brushes that collects the fur as you brush and the releases it when you press the button. Brush the cat daily for best results. My cats absolutely love it. And cat fur won’t harm the baby.

I’d get rid of the dummy though, now they can get pretty yucky, and in any case it’s just another job later having to wean the baby off that as well as the bottle.

OnLockdown · 26/05/2025 08:33

I'd rehome as the cat is making you so miserable and that's no way to feel with a small baby. However, if your husband doesn't want to, I don't know what you can do.
Is there a friend or family that can take the cat for a few months to give you a break? And your husband should absolutely be the one cleaning the litter tray and regularly vacuuming.

category12 · 26/05/2025 08:33

MatildaMovesMountains · 26/05/2025 08:32

Euthanasia may be the kinder choice - that sounds counterintuitive, but being rehomed is incredibly stressful for cats and risks triggering behaviours that make it more likely they'll be rehomed again. Speak to a vet you trust and discuss your options.

Wtf? You can't just have a perfectly healthy cat put down because it's a bit annoying. That's disgusting.

Toddlerteaplease · 26/05/2025 08:34

Your DH is right. Give the cat extra fuss, he’s obviously unsettled by the new arrival.

whitewineandsun · 26/05/2025 08:36

Mischance · 26/05/2025 07:54

The "look" is irrelevant. The wellbeing of mother and baby is what matters.

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She should have thought about it before she had the cat, then. It's not on to dispose of a living being because you're annoyed.

whitewineandsun · 26/05/2025 08:37

MatildaMovesMountains · 26/05/2025 08:32

Euthanasia may be the kinder choice - that sounds counterintuitive, but being rehomed is incredibly stressful for cats and risks triggering behaviours that make it more likely they'll be rehomed again. Speak to a vet you trust and discuss your options.

That's fucking gross.

Ilovelurchers · 26/05/2025 08:37

Wynter25 · 26/05/2025 08:12

Poor cat

Poor woman struggling with PND. Poor baby whose mom is struggling......

Ilovelurchers · 26/05/2025 08:38

whitewineandsun · 26/05/2025 08:36

She should have thought about it before she had the cat, then. It's not on to dispose of a living being because you're annoyed.

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She should have used her crystal ball and realised her mental health would be compromised by having a baby?

Unpaidviewer · 26/05/2025 08:38

faerietales · 26/05/2025 08:30

The cat doesn’t sound unhappy - it’s the OP that’s unhappy.

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I never said that the cat sounded unhappy. I said it sounded like the cat would be happier in another home. The OPs MH will impact on the cat.

Mischance · 26/05/2025 08:39

whitewineandsun · 26/05/2025 08:36

She should have thought about it before she had the cat, then. It's not on to dispose of a living being because you're annoyed.

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She's not annoyed ... she us under stress and struggling.

Rainbowcat99 · 26/05/2025 08:39

Indoor cats are hard work mainly because they’re bored and frustrated…their world is unnaturally small. Instead of thinking about rehoming I’d be thinking about whether you could find a way to let your cat outside more, give it more freedom?

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