DH won’t let me rehome cat

[ThisCleverAmberEagle]

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

Yes and I support you. I know ‘babies grow up fast’ but that’s exactly the point. Your maternity leave will be over in a few months and you will have spent stressing over this. I would move the cat somewhere else if it was causing such distress. no questions.

I do think though if your husband supported you in this, it’s possible you would change your mind. I think he is the problem, not the cat. But re homing him would be almost impossible now.

All the people on here saying to rehome you do know the chances of that are slim to none and poor Kitty will get uthenised and end up dead because your what bored of having to look after it! 🙁

All this emotive language ... can't be bothered, got bored with etc .... this misrepresents the situation. The OP is not bored with the cat, nor unbothered... she is struggling and needs some help and support.

@Missey85

dont be so dramatic! The cat will be just fine

Exactly! You don't get rid of your kids at the pound if they annoy you but people will happily do it to a pet 🙁

children and pets are not the same at all and just like you would get rid of a dog if it bit one of your children, or you became allergic, this is similar.

If the animal is causing health issues for a family member then the human takes priority. nobody starts out thinking this would be the outcome, she obviously loved the cat at one point but things change, even marriages break up and life can take unexpected turns. It is bad news for the cat to be living in a home where she is now causing stress.

I think you should rehome the cat for sure.

@Missey85

well, yeah cos children and animals are not the same!

I hope you wrote this thread after a sleepless night due to baby care and your brain was a bit fuzzy. When the mind fog clears up you should realise that what you are suggesting is utterly despicable.
Pets are not disposable items you can get rid of just because you change your mind. Do you realise that cats have feelings too? You should have considered this before getting the cat.
You made your bed, you lie in it now.
I hope your husband holds his ground and fights your entitled behaviour with all his might.

I don’t think she ‘changed her mind’ her situation changed.

Oh my the poor cat. Its obviously loves you and you want shut of it. I despair...

Like someone says, build a catio with heated pads in the little high boxed alcoves and get some respite but for the love of the little creature, do not turn it out because your priorities have changed!

And then we wonder why rescues are filled to bursting.

Why don’t you hope instead that her DH stops his entitled demands of his exhausted and struggling wife and looks after the cat with all his might.

If he wants the cat to stay then he steps up and looks after it.

I have a cat, when my baby was a newborn she was a nuisance too, getting under my feet. She likes to race you down the stairs. She sheds a lot, and has a litter tray because shes an indoor cat and I have to hoover up the litter daily, she constantly wants attention and wants to sit on my lap, miaows during the night if a door is shut or she just feels like it....not once have I ever thought about getting rid of her. Shes part of our family.

@TipsyRaven247

OP can do as she likes. If she needs to rehome the cat then she needs to rehome the cat. Soz. The cat will be fine.

Of course she can do what she wants. What an inane observation to add.
She could also kick him out to the street. Nobody is stopping her.
The debate is whether is morally reprehensible or not. To rehome the cat is an evil act akin to abandoning your children.

The fact remains it's not everyone who would cope with attending to a newborn & a cat,especially an indoor cat. It's also not something that could be predicted.

If the OP is distressed she should have no hesitation in finding a home where the cat could take priority in someone's life. I could never envisage bringing up my children along with the responsibility of animal of any description. This doesn't make me a bad person or someone who has no respect or love of animals. I love watching wildlife programmes. I simply don't wish to share my family life with a dog,a cat or any form of indoor pet. The OP is entitled to realise she feels the same. I hope she goes ahead & tries to find a new home for this cat. As long as it is fed & cared for that's all that matters.

I feel like a lot of people are downplaying both the impact on the OP and the cat.

Caring for a new baby is hard, and as someone else pointed out, your hormones and various postpartum mental health conditions can make you protective of your child. I don’t think her husband is being considerate of her feelings at all, by insisting they keep the cat but also dumping all of the care and cleaning associated with it on her.

Cats are more sensitive than you think, and it sounds like this one is particularly affectionate and attached to its humans. Rehoming them is incredibly stressful for them, as they don’t know what happened to their previous owners, or anything about their new owners and home. This is why it’s not uncommon for cats to hide all the time the first few days or weeks after being brought home; they’re scared and trying to figure everything out. They must feel like their life was upended for not reason and that their caretakers abandoned them. Some animals even become depressed after rehoming.

Clearly the solution, as mentioned before, is to have the DH step up with caring for and cleaning up after the cat, and creating space and some cat-free time for OP to decompress. And I’m pretty sure the baby will grow to adore that cat when s/he is older.

But it's a temporary problem, based on being in the thick of the baby stage and feeling run ragged.

In a few months, she may really regret rehoming it.

I think you may regret your decision further down the line, when things calm down.
Can you not allow the cat to go out? Mine have always been outdoor cats and l have a cat flap, and also cat kennels in the garden and shed. They alternate between all three.
It is very tiring and exhausting when you have a baby and things that don't normally upset you can trigger you. Can your partner help out more?I
It's not the cats fault you chose to have a baby. Cats don't do too well in shelters and hate change.

Bollocks. She wants to get rid of the can’t because it wants to sit on her lap and wants attention. Very different to a dog attack no? 🙄

I do understand how op feels. I had two cats when I had my son. Yes it was more work and yes they got in my way sometimes but I never once considered getting rid because I LOVED them and they are a commitment and part of the family. Let’s are not disposable and they’re not “just” a cat or dog or whatever. Yes they may be “resilient” but would you put a friend or family through something painful and justify it by saying “oh well- they’re resilient- they’ll adjust”? If you’re the type of person that answers “yes” to that then you don’t deserve pets.

@TipsyRaven247

“to rehome the cat is an evil act akin to abandoning your children.”

that’s your opinion. Plenty of people would say the two are not comparable. Cats are not on a par with children, end of. They are simply not as important.

Baby and you come first. I think that's ok. A cat will be fine elsewhere. I can't imagine adding this stress to you and your baby's lives, when it could be so lovely for you instead.

"I could never envisage bringing up my children along with the responsibility of animal of any description. This doesn't make me a bad person or someone who has no respect or love of animals. I love watching wildlife programmes. I simply don't wish to share my family life with a dog, a cat or any form of indoor pet."

And because you understand this – and have thought about it – you didn't get a pet. Which is the responsible thing to do. It's also what the OP should have done. Pets are not temporary accessories or "practice babies".

To rehome the cat is an evil act akin to abandoning your children.

I honestly think that statements like this happen when people have taken leave of their senses over domestic animals.

Nobody is suggesting inflicting harm or cruelty to this cat. Rehoming might be the best option for them, or the OP might be sleep deprived and sick of cleaning up after the animal, but will get over these feelings as expressed by pp's.
So whilst it is far from ideal, to liken it to abandoning a child and calling it 'utterly despicable' is in no way proportionate or rational.

I see that the OP hasn't returned, and it is no surprise to me given the vitriol towards her on this thread.

Sometimes things change and you have to rehome pets - it does not feel good, but it is the responsible thing to do. There is a responsible way to do it, and an irresponsible one. Nowhere has OP indicated an irresponsible approach.

OP, I did wonder if this perspective would change for you if you got more help, found alternatives for stimulation for the cat and were a few months down the line. But if not, there is nothing wrong with your decision.

I am going to take up this point from @TatteredAndTorn though.

(And No longer being friends with someone because they rehomed a pet is ludicrous)

Its not the actual decision to rehome, always, it is the behaviour around it. For example, looking at putting a healthy animal down because you cant be bothered to work with agencies to rehome them is truly disgusting. I fell out with a friend because of this. She was desperate to move with with her (obviously reluctant) boyfriend and as a last ditch attempt, he told her she could only bring one of her two cats with her. She called his bluff (yeah, it did not last, big surprise). Having doted on her cats for 10 years, she showed up with the boy at mine, crying and saying if I did not take him she would have to have him put down. I said I would do two weeks while she made arrangements because I had 3 cats of my own at that time, and did not feel I could take on another permanently. Guess what? She did not do shit, just waited it out, ignored my reminders that it was temporary, and when I told her 2 weeks were up, sent me a list of what I could do to rehome him. I did not know at the time she had made zero attempts to rehome the cat. What really finished the friendship was how she was willing to treat me. I had no respect for her after that, and it was clear she had none for me. I found the cat a nice home and made some better friends.