Annulling marriage as spouse is trans?

[confusedpasty]

Hi everyone,

I got married 3 months ago. I have been with my now husband for 7 years and prior to the wedding, we honestly had a fantastic relationship. We also have a 14 month old boy. We are best friends and have shared everything together and talked about having more children after the wedding.

Intimacy has trailed off a bit since our baby was born, mostly on my part actually as I haven’t felt in the mood much, but I guess from his side too. Anyway, I thought this was just a phase due to our circumstances and was excited for the wedding.

Slight relevant background - my husband has always been more ‘feminine’ if you can call it that, as in interested in clothes and hair and underwear etc. No problem, loved him for who he was and we got on great.

Fast forward to after the wedding - no sex despite me trying and trying. 12 weeks have now passed since our wedding so I finally sat him down last night and asked what’s going on. He told me that he feels ashamed to admit it, but that deep down he feels he is transgender and his true feelings are that he identifies as a woman and that sex now feels disgusting to him as he’s not behaving like his true self?

Lots of crying and emotion followed - he begged me to support him and stay if he chooses to transition publicly, I feel that I cannot do this. I am torn. He has gone to stay with his mum for a few days whilst I process this.

I know this is a bit of a niche situation, but has anyone out there faced a similar situation? I am considering applying for an annulment, I think this would be fair on the grounds we haven’t consummated the marriage? Husband says he would contest this. I am so, so confused and haven’t yet told anyone in real life.

Why are you still here @Pupinskipops ? I though you'd flounced several pages ago.

May I gently point you in the direction of Specsavers?

It's telling that you hadn't even noticed there is a son involved.

Hope your OK OP.

As the son is a baby I don’t really think he has many thoughts on his dad being a narcissistic lying bastard.

@BrickJoker You say he didn’t feel safe to come out before. Before what? What changed to make him feel safe? (Your post 24/5/25 20.44)

@confusedpasty please stick with your gut instinct. And if you can please, please confide in someone IRL so that you get the emotional and practical support you need.

Interesting question. Marriage I assume, she's now married to him and he thinks that will stop her from leaving.

Thanks so much for this! Amazing video, exactly what I went through with my second husband, I'm so glad I refused to have kids with him and divorced him.
The video sums up everything it took me ages to piece together and research to fully understand after leaving and come to the same conclusions highlighted in this video, I wish this video existed at the time it all unfolded.
Mine was using photos of me without my permission to pretend to be me online and trying to get me to sleep with other men too. I often wonder if he secretly filmed me too, as he once suggested my first husband may have done it and I remember thinking why the hell would you even think of that, obviously since then and since the Giselle Pelicot trail, woman are more now aware of the dangers of secret filming and men secretly sharing things online, men secretly filming sex with women and posting It online. I kept finding out more and more about my ex, I wonder if I only just scratched the surface, he wasn't who i thought he was, who he pretended to be.

I can’t think what else it would be but hopefully @BrickJoker will say what they meant by that.

Alright mate. Shouldn't you be on Reddit?

Agree. I was married for 4 1/2 months and asked for an annulment and was told that it's extremely difficult to prove no sex to consummate, and that I'd have to wait for the 12 month mark to file for divorce.

It'll depend on whether the OP's OH has admitted to this in texts, etc.

"I think most of you here are pretty horrendous people that if OP met in real life she would likely want nothing to do with."

OK, I'll engage. Just why is it that you think most people here are "pretty horrendous"?

Also, why do think that most of us are not "legitimately healthy people"?

Personally, I think that I'm quite healthy indeed, both in mind and body.

I mean both of these as serious questions and I would be genuinely interested to hear your reply.

talk to legitimately healthy people who genuinely don't have an obvious alterior motive.

What do you mean, they have an ulterior motive? They are speaking about their experiences as transwidows. I'd say they have a very genuine motive, in giving other women insight into what it's like to have a husband who suddenly announces that he is a woman.

Try to get proper professional help with people who understand LGBTIA issues.

I think transwidows understand very well about LGBTQIA++++++++ issues, having lived with trans people. What you actually mean is that on no account must they be listened to, because you don't like what they say. So you call them liars instead. That's pretty nasty.

There a very Harry Enfield "Women! Know your place" vibe about some posts on here. They are in no way considering the OP and an agenda is very obvious.

Oh do fuck off. You are one of these men, just like OP's husband, so whatever you have to say to excuse his behaviour is next to worthless.

Check @FairAdvocate's post history, he's not coming to this thread as sympathetic advisor.

We gathered - pretty quickly, I might add 🤣

Honestly, telling women that they should stay in a marriage they were tricked into, with a manipulative, yet incredibly predictable, man - in order to support him, help him on his "journey", give him fashion tips and go on girly shopping trips and spa days, telling him that he is the most prettiest woman ever - even though he has told her that sex with his wife disgusts him - so she has to kiss goodbye to her wants, desires, plans for the future and needs.

People like "FairAdvocate" do not see women as fully realised human beings, beyond an idea, a concept - we are support characters in our own lives, props, validation tools, if you will.

OP's husband doesn't want a wife, he wants personal cheerleader with deep pockets, no life aspirations, and a healthy pension pot.

No.

Right after pregnancy and childbirth, no less!

My partner is trans and no, you aren’t transphobic. He’s being an asshole.

Love the way you proved my point 😊

Where did I say she should stay in the marriage?
I honestly think it's no one's business but hers.
I think her seeking advice from a forum that has so many troubling people in it isn't that helpful to her.
Like I said, reach out to friends, loved ones and professionals and frankly none of us are that.