Annulling marriage as spouse is trans?

[confusedpasty]

Hi everyone,

I got married 3 months ago. I have been with my now husband for 7 years and prior to the wedding, we honestly had a fantastic relationship. We also have a 14 month old boy. We are best friends and have shared everything together and talked about having more children after the wedding.

Intimacy has trailed off a bit since our baby was born, mostly on my part actually as I haven’t felt in the mood much, but I guess from his side too. Anyway, I thought this was just a phase due to our circumstances and was excited for the wedding.

Slight relevant background - my husband has always been more ‘feminine’ if you can call it that, as in interested in clothes and hair and underwear etc. No problem, loved him for who he was and we got on great.

Fast forward to after the wedding - no sex despite me trying and trying. 12 weeks have now passed since our wedding so I finally sat him down last night and asked what’s going on. He told me that he feels ashamed to admit it, but that deep down he feels he is transgender and his true feelings are that he identifies as a woman and that sex now feels disgusting to him as he’s not behaving like his true self?

Lots of crying and emotion followed - he begged me to support him and stay if he chooses to transition publicly, I feel that I cannot do this. I am torn. He has gone to stay with his mum for a few days whilst I process this.

I know this is a bit of a niche situation, but has anyone out there faced a similar situation? I am considering applying for an annulment, I think this would be fair on the grounds we haven’t consummated the marriage? Husband says he would contest this. I am so, so confused and haven’t yet told anyone in real life.

Except trans people have far more rights than anyone else. The discrimination is against females.

I appreciate your thoughtful response, but I do think you’re judging a whole group of women very harshly, and I’m not sure why. Overwhelmingly here, women are worried about other women and children’s well-being. It’s not an easy thing to do at times, and many people here have had real life impacts to put their heads above the parapet. Overwhelmingly, as I’ve said, it comes from a well-intentioned, caring and brave place. If you read a little further, you should see that.

There is no such thing as a 'womans brain' or a 'mans brain'. That pseudoscience has long been debunked.

The real issue is that being transgender has been so unacceptable in society that some people who are actually transgender are quite repressed to the point they don't even understand the thoughts they are having.

This gaslighting and deceit is abhorrent. Trans are so popular in society that they are the most powerful, most privileged, and most protected sacred caste in society. Never has a group been not just so accepted, but so revered and lionised to the extent their wants and 'rights' are prioritised over every single other group. Gay people never had this level of privilege or power.

Also, that you first came on this site throwing your weight around and dictating the terms of your discussion in your thread proves you think with Male Pattern thought process and Male Privilege. No actual woman would ever do what you did. That was a very male thing to do. Your mindset and actions are very overtly and distinctly male.

OMG- Reread my opening post.

To keep it simple I have worked in a sector and an area of the UK with the highest number of trans identifying women.
In the work that I was involved in NOT one single “client” woke up one morning and went OMG 😱 I am transgender or I think I must be a “furry 🙀”

Virtually every person said “ I have being living a lie.”

What did they mean by that? That they lived a lie denying their 'true' gender ie were in the closet as trans?
Or that being trans was a lie?

Anything less than 100% subservience to males is considered 'discrimination' and 'hate'.

Citation needed 😅

The right to violate female boundaries, female sport, the right to change their sex on legal documents, the right to have even law courts mis-sex them and put them in female prisons... just for starters!

I think it's because there's a difference between having genuine worries for someone and then also using this womens concerns to air your general grievance with transgender people.

So let's slightly re frame. If her partner came out as gay suddenly would all the same things be being said? Maybe but nowhere near to the same level. It's not the fairest example because there are nuanced differences but it's definitely similar.

I just ultimately don't think this is the right environment for help with this. She needs a more neutral outlet and I don't think that's going to come here.

Yeah I've heard this a thousand times. It's not something I'm going to reply to because it's honestly a waste of my life.

I think when you strip the context away to that level of disingenuousness, sure

So let's slightly re frame. If her partner came out as gay suddenly would all the same things be being said?

Yes, I think some of it would still be said given the timing and that he would have, to some extent, included her life in the lie he was living. But it’s not an equivalent as being gay is simply who you’re sexually attracted to / fall in love with and is not infringing on other’s material biological reality.

I was born transgender, never needed identity honestly.

But welcome to your first one then. I realised suddenly. It's quite common actually. In slang amongst transgender people it's called 'when your egg cracks'. I'm surprised you don't know that if you work with so many of us.

Of course acknowledging facts that are pointed out to you is going to be a 'waste of my life' for you...

The disingenuousness is denying the facts.

No one is born 'transgender'. Because no one is born with a 'gender identity'. That, which is basically personality, develops over time.

Being homosexual and being transgender exists entirely on the same psychological evidence.
In fact the same argument is used against it.
I.e 'it's against what is natural'. Meaning, if you were born as a male you were born naturally to have sex biologically with females. To have sex biologically with males as a males is against what is biologically natural and invades the natural order.
The very same thing is said against transgender people.
You were born with a male body to naturally grow up to be a man and not a woman. Going against thay biologically is going against what is biologically natural.

This is why Conservatives tend to dislike both groups as Conservatives tend to like what is 'natural in the natural order'.

This is often why I tend to ask lesbians who dislike transgender women what makes them gay? Because the only real answer is 'because I feel I am gay'.

Speaking as someone at age 4 who had thoughts like that for no reason, I just disagree

The problem is they aren't facts. It's ideology that twists facts so far beyond what is decent that I get a little tired of hearing the same things over and over. It's nonsense.

To honestly answer your question.

Trans is just an umbrella term to describe a societal group. The reasons why members of this group believe that their biological sex differs from their gender identity are varied and complex. And it is interesting to analysis this group by biological sex and age.

Gender and Gender Identity are again just terms used to describe a societal group.
eg Lesbian is not a gender. it is a biological woman who is attracted to other biological women.

If you ignore the concept of gender and then you have:
3 levels
Biological Sex
Sexual Attraction
Sexual Arousal - this can cover “vanilla “, BDSM, AGP, Domination, etc

so in most cases the people I worked with either lied about who they were sexually attracted too or what aroused them sexually.

what worries me the most are the efforts by certain groups to convince the young that biological sex is a social construct and that they can be whatever gender ( sex) they want. In reminds me of the efforts of PIE in the early 70’s

The problem is that they are demonstrably facts. With actual evidence. That's the problem. It's your male entitlement ideology that causes you deny the proven, evidenced truth.

It's a FACT that males violate female boundaries and enter our spaces. Evidence? India Willoughby, Eddie Izzard.

It's a FACT that males are in female sport. Evidence? Lia Thomas.

It is a FACT that trans have the right to change their sex on legal documents. Evidence? Birth certificate, GRC.

It is a FACT that trans have the right to have even law courts mis-sex them. Evidence? Court reports that reference opposite sex pronoun.

It is a FACT that males have been put in female prisons.
Evidence? Isla Bryson.

See, you cannot deny the above. What I say is evidenced. Denying this happens is you lying.

I am extremely curious to hear how you know that you were born transgender as most people have absolutely no memories of their early years.
unless you were born with a DSD and that is not my business.

I am familiar with the term “when your egg cracks.” But this is used primarily by young people across social media platforms.

Denying all this will make you look very, very stupid.

OP, in the end it is up to you to consider what is best for you, your child, and whatever is left of your 'family' unit. I hope you have some real-life support with you, and agree that you should not meet up with him alone nor let your child be alone with his mother, at least until you have got some proper legal advice and importantly documentation of the situation. Wishing you all the best.

I would just point out that the 3 or 4 BeKind posters, when you boil down their posts, ultimately mean the same thing:

Your role is to be a partially-sentient support biped for the real actual person in his starring role, his epic journey, to self-actualisation euphoric utopia. And the only reason why you are acknowledged to even have partial sentience, is because you have to be capable of being scolded into BeingKind, Having Supportive and Loving Emotions, and of course being castigated and blamed for your Bigoted Thoughts and Bad Feelings if you malfunction in your performance. It is played out on this thread itself. The focus must always be all about the Person-of-Gender.

Well here we disagree. Being gay is simply finding only the same sex attractive. Transgender is the belief that you are the opposite sex to your biology.

I don’t doubt that transgender people’s feelings are real and that it must be very difficult to be at odds with your biology but it doesn’t change reality.

It’s potentially incredibly uncomfortable for lesbians to be asked to justify their attraction to biological women by men. They shouldn’t have to do this.