Annulling marriage as spouse is trans?

[confusedpasty]

Hi everyone,

I got married 3 months ago. I have been with my now husband for 7 years and prior to the wedding, we honestly had a fantastic relationship. We also have a 14 month old boy. We are best friends and have shared everything together and talked about having more children after the wedding.

Intimacy has trailed off a bit since our baby was born, mostly on my part actually as I haven’t felt in the mood much, but I guess from his side too. Anyway, I thought this was just a phase due to our circumstances and was excited for the wedding.

Slight relevant background - my husband has always been more ‘feminine’ if you can call it that, as in interested in clothes and hair and underwear etc. No problem, loved him for who he was and we got on great.

Fast forward to after the wedding - no sex despite me trying and trying. 12 weeks have now passed since our wedding so I finally sat him down last night and asked what’s going on. He told me that he feels ashamed to admit it, but that deep down he feels he is transgender and his true feelings are that he identifies as a woman and that sex now feels disgusting to him as he’s not behaving like his true self?

Lots of crying and emotion followed - he begged me to support him and stay if he chooses to transition publicly, I feel that I cannot do this. I am torn. He has gone to stay with his mum for a few days whilst I process this.

I know this is a bit of a niche situation, but has anyone out there faced a similar situation? I am considering applying for an annulment, I think this would be fair on the grounds we haven’t consummated the marriage? Husband says he would contest this. I am so, so confused and haven’t yet told anyone in real life.

"I just keep getting interrupted by people" - women just wont shut up and let me pontificate on about my mens rights agenda without disagreeing with me, bitches.

We see you.

Yes OP, please don’t feel any obligation whatsoever towards this narcissistic, selfish man who used you and lied to you. I feel very sorry for you and your son. This isn’t the father you wanted for him any more that he’s the husband you thought you were getting. Take your time to grieve/get angry and I hope in time you are able to meet a decent man to have the children you want with.

I think that given the one sided advice to the OP from those posters, the failure to show any empathy for her or to direct advice in her interests, focusing almost exclusively on whats best for her husband, just because there's a trans issue involved; it's hardly surprising their movement is losing support at an alarming rate. When responding to a question about annulling a marriage that no one should be expected to tolerate is 'transphobic' if the advice fails to urge support for the man, it really shines a light on how much is expected by this movement. The bar - sacrifice yourself entirely on the alter of someone's wish to be the opposite sex, or its not good enough - has been set way too high for most reasonable people's comfort.

And I suggest you move along and stop pestering betrayed women. Is that constructive enough?

Agreed.

I'm hoping that the OP has someone in RL in whom she can confide.

I'm wondering whether the MIL knows what the situation is? If not, if there's further contact from her I'd be telling her precisely why the marriage is no more.

OP has her child to focus on, but she needs to make sure that she's eating.

I'm assuming that solicitors' offices are closed today, but she can start to look up phone numbers ready for tomorrow. As others have said, annulment is possibly the better option for her with regard to her financial situation.

I'm hoping that she can ensure that only she has access to her financial information.

I'm not sure I've come across any comments that match that description, though admittedly I've been so busy fending off the pitch forks aimed at me that I haven't had the opportunity to read many other comments.

I would say, though, that "movement" isn't the first word that springs to my mind when I think of people who understand that not everybody is like them and that their differences don't make others evil (dangerous, rapist, paedophile - all descriptions attributed here to one half of the failed marriage because of their gender).

The advice given to the OP here hasn't always considered that this is a family unit breaking apart and that's a tragedy for all involved, and has focused aggressively solely on the husband's gender. It's a misdirection, in my view.

To be honest this is not (or should not be)a trans issue. Swap out tans for open marriage for example.

one party has, shortly after marriage made a huge life choice that alters the fabric of the marriage recently entered and their role as husband & father.

The other party in the marriage, whose quality of life and marriage will be majorly impacted, has every right to consider their options and decide whether this is how they want to live.

any emotional blackmail or threats to the right to make this decision illustrates narcissistic traits which will made the way forward difficult.

P.s. men have left/abandoned women for much less e.g. pregnancy/childcare/younger women.

I wasn't aware that responding to people's comments addressed to me was pestering them, nor am I aware that anybody I've responded to has been betrayed. How would I know that? If you have, then I'm sorry for you.

If you're referring to the OP then, as most of the pitchfork bearers have done, you've manipulated my comments to fit your narrative. My comments have not been directed at the OP and I haven't responded to her at all, so that can hardly be seen as pestering her any more than your persistent attacks on me can be regarded as pestering the OP.

Yep. Stevie Wonder could see the DARVO and the twisted narrative of this MRA agenda.

This. 100% this.

Did you miss the post accusing the OP of being selfish? Implying that she was not sufficiently invested if 'sex and appearance' was what mattered? As though your husband telling you he no longer wishes to be your husband or have sex with you, is somehow akin to a minor mismatch in sex drive, or not liking him with long hair? The posts that urged the OP to gain understanding of him rather than supporting her in answering the question she asked? As for you trying to create a division between posters on the basis of those that understand some people are different and those who don't- I think that's simplistic and disingenuous. It's entirely possible to acknowledge and respect difference without extending that to mean that being 'different' affords one additional sympathy, rights and priority over other people, which tends to be the case when the 'difference' in question is a preference to be the opposite sex.

Go away

Op was going to talk to her spouse Wednesday eve. There won't be any room left for her on her own thread as it stands. Should we stop with the posting/detail until she gets back?

P.s. men have left/abandoned women for much less e.g. pregnancy/childcare/younger women.

Gosh yeah this absolutely.

It’s crazy how much crap women are expected to tolerate, when men leave for all sorts of frivolous reasons and no-one bats an eye.

Men are raised to go after what they feel is in their best interests and do what suits them, women aren’t and it shows.

Show me a man in his 40s expected to stay celibate immediately after marriage because his wife has decided she will now be a man and can no longer have sex with him as a woman.

Thankfully women are waking up to this nonsense double standard now.

ETA: yes we don’t want to fill up the thread before Wednesday . I won’t post any more until then. Hopefully Op can make a second thread if it does fill up though.

I hope you're ok @confusedpasty and have someone IRL you can talk to safely about how to end your 'marriage' quickly and move forward from there.

Well now you know. You're bothering us and you're being a pest and you're not welcome on this thread. Presumably you will stop posting on it now as you are if course oh-so-reasonable.

You do continue to tell on yourself though with this comment, on a support thread for a distressed woman: "My comments have not been directed at the OP and I haven't responded to her at all" - says it all really.

I won't be posting again so the OP has some space to come back, if she wants to and the MRAs haven't ruined that for her.

If you're not here to support OP, then why are you here?

Oh, wait a second, you were looking for a captive audience to lecture women as to why they SHOULD prostrate themselves, and put themselves second to their husbands whims and desires, and our own desires should be cast aside if we were married under false pretenses.

Well, you failed. Miserably.

Women are allowed to put ourselves first, this isn't the 1950's and we certainly won't be putting up and shutting up about shitty behaviour from men, however they identify.

Go back to Reddit, or whichever rock you crawled from.

Sorry for typos above. Meant derail, not detail.

There seems to be a lot of manipulative, sociopathic men and trans maidens infiltrating this thread, trying to sway this poor woman into remaining at the mercy of this abusive man and join their ranks.

I hope the OP sees their attempts to minimize the harm being done to her and recenter the abuser as what it is: an attempt to normalize the sacrifice of women for the sake of pathological men, blatant misogyny and clear psychological abuse. Your feelings are valid, OP. They matter. You and your son have been discarded for the sake of your imposter husband’s paraphilia. Remove him from your life and make room for a real man who will prioritize you and love you the way you should be loved.

You have been deceived and manipulated into a loveless, sexless marriage with a man who resents you, your femininity and your ability to create life. Remain with him and you will be destroyed. Allow people who promote this ideology to stay with you and you will suffer needlessly—all to prop up and benefit someone who is using you.

Please think of yourself and your child and make room in your life for a real loving relationship with a real man.

"Bully", "Bigot" oh come on, add "Transphobe" too, then I will get a full house! I might win a Wendy House!

I am a considerate, tolerant, decent human being, however, I know abusive bullshit when I see it. Being "considerate, tolerant, decent" doesn't mean anyone has to be a pushover.

I am not sorry in the slightest if me not being a pushover, or holding your bollocks to account upsets you.

How can I manipulate your words? You said them 🤣

You don't give a toss, yet here you still are, moaning away that women are openly telling other women to walk away from abusive, manipulative men.

Yeah umm…. Who’s the third person? Are you on the right thread?