DH behaved horribly on his birthday - UPDATE

[SecretsSecretss]

Creating a new thread to update everyone. I am a frequent poster sometimes under different usernames about my husband’s terrible behaviour. I am the poster whose husband behaved horribly on Fathers Day last year, another post our son found some iPods on the beach and he encouraged him to steal them whilst mocking me for encouraging our son to be honest and hand them in. Many many more posts over the years including one about him threatening to put our autistic son into care and saying there’s nothing in his head. 😢

Much name calling, threats and horrible behaviour in between being lovely and showering me with gifts and affection.

I want to update you all that with the support of all the lovely ladies on MN I am FINALLY LTB!!

I have a lovely little house lined up, furniture arriving soon, honestly the house is heaven sent - I absolutely love it - I cannot believe how lucky I am to be offered it (HA lovely new build)

H has no idea - this week has been a military operation arranging for furniture delivery, viewings, phone calls etc. I am absolutely bricking it but I will finally be free!

H is acting normal right now, I feel like it would be easier if he was acting like an arse hole!

I plan to tell him next week when I’m away on holiday with DC. Of course I will have to then face him eventually 😱

So thank you Mumsnet - I couldn’t have done this without you all. And to all the ladies who might be trapped in similar situations- you can do it! Xxx Wish me luck! 🍀

Please make sure he has no access to your phone or your DC’s phone

Well done Op. Such good advice for you on this thread.

Well done! I still remember the feeling of relief and peace when I walked through the door of my new place after leaving, knowing I never had to go back. 15 years ago. The peace and relief is still palpable.

Oh amazing! How incredibly lucky to get a new build Housing Association house. I hope you are very happy there.

Great news, but make sure you're being careful with your log in details, posts etc on your devices while you're still there. Tell him after you're out safely.

Good luck to you!

This is just fab. Please be super careful

This is great news op. My friend left her abusive partner last year and is doing amazing away from him. He still tries to control her through the children but it doesn’t work.

congratulations on your freedom. You and your children are going to be so much happier.

Remember to look at your old threads when you look back and wonder if he was really that bad when you’re having a wobble. He was that bad op, in fact he was worse.

Do not tell him you’re leaving, treat it as a normal day and just go and don’t go back.

Well done! The fact that you are scared of his reaction says a lot about him and also how tranquil and peaceful you will find it in your lovely new home. Well done! So brave and totally the right thing to do. I got a lot of support here as well when I left my ex and it was invaluable. It was 10 years ago but I’m still grateful every day for it.

Also you don’t owe him anything. Like leave in the way that’s safest for you and your DC even if it means you are being “rude” (he doesn’t deserve the consideration you give him and he’s conditioned you into being scared of his horrible behaviour so he can have everything the way he wants it ). Be safe and careful. Your new home can be totally free of his arseholery

Such amazing news, OP. I don’t underestimate how tough and scary it must be to take this kind of action, but you’re effectively taking control of your whole future. Difficult paths have inevitable ups and downs, but it’s the start of a brand new life for you and I hope you’re truly happy 💐

I’m so happy for you OP, be careful and good luck 💐

Well done 👏🏻

You are inspirational and no doubt this positive story will impact on those facing similar situations.

Congrats on the new place and the best of luck for your next chapter x

Well done 👏 I wish you all the very best.

Very proud of you XXX

I remember you! Fantastic update.

Well done OP. 💐

Agree with PP. Don’t tell him until you are out. Certainly not while you are away as this gives him time to destroy or hide your things. Or lock you out.

good luck!

Your parents love you. They want you safe and healthy and happy.
The last thing they’re gonna think about is “hey we paid for your wedding!!”
Like other posters said, please be safe.
And good on you!

Well done super proud!

If you are who I think you are please don't tell him till you are safely out

Don't feel guilty - be proud !
You will have done it !!!

as for your parents, surely they only want the best for their daughter ( and grandchildren ) and your marriage was not the best for you - even if your parents did pay for your wedding years ago !

Please don’t let his current tolerable behaviour sway you. It’s an age-old pattern.

Why on earth are you feeling guilty about telling your parents? If you were our daughter we would be proud of your resilience, determination and care for the long-term well being of your children.

Wishing you all the luck in your new life. X

Love and congratualtions.
What does LTB mean?.

Leave(ing) the bastard.

Leave the bastard
It's advice very rarely given out on mumsnet and kept for only the most extreme situations.
Or, the truth. It's a response posters make to someone asking for advice that covers a spectrum of behaviour by their partners from not closing the bathroom door to serious situations of abuse. The tone of the thread will tell you where it sits. This thread is a serious LTB for safety and sanity.