DH behaved horribly on his birthday - UPDATE

[SecretsSecretss]

Creating a new thread to update everyone. I am a frequent poster sometimes under different usernames about my husband’s terrible behaviour. I am the poster whose husband behaved horribly on Fathers Day last year, another post our son found some iPods on the beach and he encouraged him to steal them whilst mocking me for encouraging our son to be honest and hand them in. Many many more posts over the years including one about him threatening to put our autistic son into care and saying there’s nothing in his head. 😢

Much name calling, threats and horrible behaviour in between being lovely and showering me with gifts and affection.

I want to update you all that with the support of all the lovely ladies on MN I am FINALLY LTB!!

I have a lovely little house lined up, furniture arriving soon, honestly the house is heaven sent - I absolutely love it - I cannot believe how lucky I am to be offered it (HA lovely new build)

H has no idea - this week has been a military operation arranging for furniture delivery, viewings, phone calls etc. I am absolutely bricking it but I will finally be free!

H is acting normal right now, I feel like it would be easier if he was acting like an arse hole!

I plan to tell him next week when I’m away on holiday with DC. Of course I will have to then face him eventually 😱

So thank you Mumsnet - I couldn’t have done this without you all. And to all the ladies who might be trapped in similar situations- you can do it! Xxx Wish me luck! 🍀

Remove everything of yours that is of value to you from the house before you tell him. He is likely to turn that and destroy or refuse you access to anything you don't already have out.

Be very careful OP, you are now in the most dangerous part of this.

Just remember why you’re doing this - because it’s his fault. Good for you. Stay strong.

Well done we're so proud of you. You'll never regret it 😃😍

Keep us posted?

Oh this is brilliant news ❤️ your life starts here! You’re going to feel ten stone lighter without that miserable millstone around your neck. I’m excited for you!

@SecretsSecretss please don’t feel annoying - sometimes you need somewhere to let it out and it’s not always as simple just to leave as some people think -

Don't forget to redirect your post. Royal Mail can confirm via email and won't tip h off via post!
Rooting for you op.

I left when dh was at work..

Oh well done. I remember the birthday thread. You and your dc will have a much happier life.

Please ensure you have fully moved out be for you tell him.

This is a great post OP, congratulations and good luck.
Keep us updated!

Brilliant! Time to start living again.

Freedom is going to look so good on you xxx enjoy :) xx

Bloody fantastic news.💐

I posted on your thread the other day saying I’ve recently done the same…I recognise some of your older stories too but didn’t know that was you. But just to say I was also crapping myself about telling my parents, was literally laying awake at night worrying about it for ages (it cycled between fear of telling them/him/the children). I ended up emailing them (parents ) a few weeks before I left him. They were shocked (well my mum was, dad said he’d always seen it coming) but in their own way were supportive. I also left my partner by email so maybe it’s my preferred method 😜 but telling my parents was nowhere near as bad as I expected. I know the last days/weeks before you go while you’re planning it all are SO hard but just keep going, you can breathe deep when you’re out and in your new home. Big hugs to you OP

Thank you, I also plan to tell my parents via email or text! I’m a coward I guess! I plan to say we’ve separated and that I’ll see them face to face very soon to explain more. I’m so guilty cos they paid for our wedding etc. H I’ll also text or email him a brief message.

Hope you are doing well now and well done for having the courage to leave.

Thanks! I’ve definitely felt very annoying when I’ve posted multiple times.

It’s a difficult one when it comes to the financial side of things especially UC. We claim currently as a couple and ideally I will tell STBEX soon so I can put in a claim as a single person, same goes for removing my name from my current bills otherwise there will be an overlap where I’m paying for both properties. It’s difficult but i definitely understand how it’ll be safer to tell him when I’m gone. It might be 3 weeks until all the furniture and white goods are delivered and I can move in. It’s currently completely empty apart from a kettle! (The most important thing 😉)

@SecretsSecretss remember. do not tell him your new address ever!!

Well done, OP, I remember some of your threads and I'm so pleased you're getting yourself away from this drain of a man. Onwards and upwards.

You wouldn’t be doing this if you were a coward… you are stronger and braver than you can imagine (that means I am too, haha!!). Joking aside I’ve been amazed by the support I’ve had both on MN and in real life. I’m only about 6 weeks into the separation and it has its challenges (he doesn’t accept that it’s over…) and honestly I still feel flat. I’m starting some counselling next week and hoping that helps as it doesn’t feel right not to be experiencing big emotions that go with the big changes in my life.
But the joy of going back to my own place after i had spent time with him over one of the Dc’s birthday recently was indescribable 😀

Well done OP!

Well done you for being so brave 👏 It must be a wonderful feeling going home to your safe and peaceful house. I feel very strange right now, when I was in my new place the other day it was such an odd feeling, discombobulating. I think it will feel very odd for a long time as I’ve been in my current home for 14 years, it holds so many memories but I’m looking forward to starting fresh somewhere new.

Excellent news, well done you….good luck and stay strong as I’m sure he will try and reel you back in/ be a complete arsehole/ make threats/ promise he will change….delete as applicable !!!! Remember you are strong and brave and when you are away from him and his awfulness then stay away……you deserve the very best of everything and I’m rooting for you and your child xx

I would absolutely echo this. My husband's Granddaughter is going through a divorce from her abusive husband... the nemesis for all of this was was a terrible row one night after years of coercive control, she kept her phone on record and a neighbour hearing the row escalating telephoned the Police who attended immediately. Thank God for that neighbour who called for assistance. Please be careful love.