Why are people long term single?

[loveyoutothemoon]

So people that want a relationship and are single more often than not, is it more because they're difficult to get along with, insecure etc? Or could it be more down to luck?
I suppose I'm looking for personal experiences really.
For me it's fussiness and impatience and insecurity, which I'm having counselling for.

I don't think there's anything wrong with men, most men. I get along very well with them and find them fun and interesting to talk to. I already have my children and my house, I don't know what a relationship would add for me. If someone happened across my path and we got along I'd date them but I presume they'd have kids too and it just starts to become a pain in my arse.

I prefer peace and quiet. Men have such loud booming voices! Ds is no exception.

I generally find them too rumbustious. They often drink too much too. Such a turn off.

This is why I’m single

dc at dads on a Friday night.

i come home.
bath / steam my face / facemask / mini pedicure
take away
wine
film
go to bed

wake up
emails
gym
shower
currently breakfast in bed / films

then dc will come home

no man to cook breakfast for
i get a mini break weekly
dont have to have the house immaculate
tidy after a man

every few weekends we take dc out to central London for walks / Mayfair / Hamleys etc

Seeing men in supposedly happy marriages hit on women at work, has put me off

Yes there are many unfaithful ones out t here. If not the majority!

This is an unanswerable question really because it is multifaceted and as complex as people are but the vast majority of both males and females I know who are long term single and actively want a relationship lack self awareness about their part in their own singleness. Sadly many have gone to therapy and still remain clueless because of this lack of self awareness means they are not reporting an accurate perception of the issues they are dealing with.

Patterns of them getting dumped for the same reason, them chasing the same type of partner who for whatever reason doesn’t suit their personality, them having behaviours that are very incompatible with relationships like being extremely needy or avoidant or controlling etc.

There are often reasons and it is rarely about the superficial stuff.

Same here - divorced for 7 years and utterly single since then.

I’ve been hit on by so many married men. They all try to hide it and then say “oh but we’re separated and just staying for the children”. It’s literally the same line every time. Given I am divorced because my husband cheated on me, why do these twats think I’m going to be interested?

Because they are sick to death of men and their shit.

This one nailed it for me.

Plus, after being a single parent for so long - I can't be bothered contemplating another person's needs.
My time to myself is MY time and I enjoy being very selfish (and usually lazy) with it!

I can’t now imagine now coming home from a hard day at work and having to have a conversation with someone 🤣

I am someone who was divorced many years ago and dates on and off. I meet men but find it rare to have a connection.
I also have quite a large batch of female friends who haven't dated in over 10 years and are scared/apprehensive about sex - simple as that really.

@GustyBaloo can't fault you on that ❤️

I’d say they’re sensible. X

I'm not single, I'm married but my husband and I live separately. Both of us prefer having our own space. I can do what I want, when I want. We get together for dates, hikes etc, and enjoy each other's company, laugh a lot and have a wonderful time. Then I get to go home and be in peace and quiet with my two cats. I have friends, a bookclub, a job I love. He has his friends and hobbies. We are both independent and self-sufficient. We live a 10 minute drive apart from each other.

We have a few married friends and we all get together sometimes. I think they think our living arrangement is a bit strange! But we like it and that's what matters.

We're in our 40s with no kids (by choice). Maybe as we age we might want to move in together in order to help each other if one of us gets sick or frail. But for now we are happy with how things are.

If we split up or he passed away I wouldn't bother dating again. It took me a long time to find someone who suits me so well and I doubt it will happen again. Also I doubt there are many men who would be happy living apart; most want to be mothered.

im just coming out the other side of bringing my son up on my own and have no interest at all in meeting another man . I did give the dating apps a go it was awful . Met this guy who seemed really nice but I think he saw me as a quick hook up when he was free . I think I will concentrate on trying to rescue a dog far less hassle. No one is getting near my dunelm quilt set without putting in some groundwork first 🤣

I was single for many of what might stereotypically be seen as my 'better' years - latter half of my twenties into my early thirties. I didn't date or sleep with or even snog anyone at all in that time.

I'd like to say it was for positive reasons like many of those listed by others here (a desire for freedom and independence etc; being happy in my own company) but honestly it was more about low self-esteem. A sexual partner insulted my appearance and technique and I let it absolutely crush me. I was low in confidence generally before then too - other partners had treated me a lot better, in some cases been very complimentary and lovely, but I'd always tended to end up going out with very troubled people with shit loads of issues and had to recognise that the common denominator was me.

All in all I became convinced that a) neither my looks nor personality would ever be sufficient to attract someone I really liked and that b) I didn't deserve love anyway because I was too unbalanced and 'toxic' as a person. I roll my eyes at this now incidentally as I was always pretty pleasant to everyone but I jiet developed this all-consuming dark view of myself. I also didn't want to face the humiliation of dating again. The people who did show an interest in me in real life were all not people I fancied and I felt I'd rather be alone.

It's not like I spent that time moping about though. With my mind off dating (and no longer bouncing between depressing relationships) I had more energy to have adventures of my own, follow new work opportunities and generally get to know myself and what I cared about. When I did happen to meet someone I liked - and who luckily liked me too - I was better prepared to take the risk of opening myself up to the possibility of something, however terrifying it was.

Incidentally, I still remember how incredible it was to sleep with someone for the first time in 6 years... and for it to be good for us both!

Because it makes them happy.
What an odd question.

My DH and I used to say things like this. We said could only be together because we were both so independent. Two cold fish who happened to be swimming together. We prided ourselves on it and I used to think I'd be fine alone. Then he died. It has taken me a decade to be fine alone.

I think that sounds perfect! I’d have done the same if DH had been up for it.

Getting used to it and becoming happy single means you only want a partner if they make you even happier, and as stats will show us most men drain women and take years off their lives

I love being single. I have had a few relationships but they never really last. I never feel happy. I think i just had them because its what society expects .

I’m single but would like to be in a relationship. I enjoy the company of men and while I agree that many are quite selfish I also think there are lots of good ones out there too. I’m single because I’m a lone parent without much time to date and I find it hard to find men I’m attracted to. I think a lot of it is luck but also giving people a chance to- nobody is perfect so if you want a relationship it generally does involve compromise.

Because I have only met substandard men so far that want me to be their mummy.
I'm sick of them, I'd rather live on my own than waste my time with men that don't want to work and think I'm going to look after them.
If there are good men out there they are in hiding.

You call men one thing in first paragraph, then admit to doing the same in 2nd paragraph.

Funny...

Also my experience has been it's always me, the guy, who has to be the one to bend over backwards and be subjected to immature and selfish behaviour.