Why are people long term single?

[loveyoutothemoon]

So people that want a relationship and are single more often than not, is it more because they're difficult to get along with, insecure etc? Or could it be more down to luck?
I suppose I'm looking for personal experiences really.
For me it's fussiness and impatience and insecurity, which I'm having counselling for.

Deluded single men are chasing women decades younger believing they have a chance.
Im in my 50’s and the brief period I tried OLD I was approached by men in their late 60’s and 70’s all the time.
The oldest one I remember was 79 and hit quite aggressive when I politely turned him down.

I’ve never met a man I considered worth the hassle.

For a stress-free life.

Because I'm in my mid 30s and don't want a joint mortgage, marriage or kids - and the very few decent, single men available do. I want to live separately but also have a romantic relationship.

As a single, childfree, financially secure cat lady with hobbies, a social life, and her own house, I may be an attractive prospect when I'm older (?) but right now I don't attract decent men, only cocklodging dross looking for a shag or a nanny with a fanny.

I am not ugly.

Some have called me beautiful.

I have had the same experience. Zero interest for three years.

Oh well.

I know single men who want a relationship - cringeingly, it’s all of 5 seconds to see why they haven’t got one.

I’m not sure if they’ve thought for a moment what they’ve got to offer, but they’re certainly keen on what they ‘need’.

Same. Everything is on my terms in my life and I’m very happy. I do go on dates when I feel like it but 99% of the time find that it’s just not worth for me to take it further. I’m often thinking maybe I should try dating women..

From past experience of being long term single… I’ve been successful as in own house, good job, car - then after a few years it’s come to light the guys have been a sponge or already had their fun and are paying off credit cards from previous relationships, so the relationship has broken down and I’ve realised for my own happiness a companion is best for me to enjoy my life. I don’t rely on anyone and I definitely aren’t looking for a relationship to be in with someone who relays on me financially at 35…

I am edging towards singledom (still in mutually supportive cohabitation with DCs' dad) and this thread is so encouraging. Looking forward to when finally able to live in a 'single' household.

Covid lockdown.
Then I had agorophobia for 2 years.
Not ideal.

*agoraphobia

For me being single and having absolutely no interest in finding someone for casual sex or a committed relationship is when men show interest in me. And I really don’t want them to, I just want to hang out with friends and hit the dance floor.

In the distant past when I had been single for a long time and was wanting to find someone it just didn’t happen.

Also, I remember going clubbing with friends in my youth. It was those of us in relationships or single but not interested in hooking up that seemed to attract men where as the ones in our group who were sick of being single and were actively looking were the ones who had no luck. It’s almost like people can sense it and find it off putting somehow.

However, I have had friends who when they want to find someone to hook up with they go out deliberately to find someone and are successful every time. But, they were quite flirtatious and didn’t feel desperate to hook up.

Lol this is me!

So initially I think it was because I wasn’t confident or was scared of dating. Then I ended up getting my own place and living alone in my early 20s and kept getting promoted at work etc. I ended up travelling often for work too and dating just ended up not being a priority, especially as I still had that residual lack of confidence. Plus I saw people I know like friends or colleagues in shit relationships and in a sense I was glad I was self reliant and not dealing with that BS!

I've been happily married for 37 years so no complaints from me.

Several of our male friends are bachelors, never married. Nice guys, not gay but they have a similar view about women, perhaps not as extreme as a vast proportion. They have their own independent life, house, car, pets, holidays etc why would they risk that.

So as far as I can see it doesn't matter if your male or female, a lot of people are single because they prefer it.

Some single parents regard themselves as single but really they're not as they have children to care for so don't have that lack of attachments.

I was in a 20 year marriage that was utterly crap until nearly two years ago, when we split up. He was very high maintenance and I am having a well-earned rest. Perhaps for the rest of my life, who knows? I like my own company. If someone came along and was just what I wanted, then fair enough but I'm extremely picky these days.

Im 26

It turns out that I'm not brilliant at being single. That feels like a confession these days. I can do it, I had a house and an income and a social life and a sex life and all that, but life is a lot better with dp in it. So I conclude that people who are single are much better at it than me.

Well observed for either potential participant in a relationship.

Sorry this post originally mistook the sex of a pp. Edited.

Single parent. 48. Exhausted. Angry. Tired. Tired. Work full time. Tired. I have nothing left to give. Equally, I’m just happier on my own. Men in my life have all been shit.

Yep.. that covers my reasoning. I don't have to put up with anyone's crap and can be fussy nowadays

Many are selfish and unkind.

I’m wealthy capital wise and the vast majority of men are a lot poorer than me and hate it and need to put me down constantly to feel adequate about themselves.

They provide no emotional support like girlfriends do

They want to be the man but go 50/50 and look for a way to rip you off like suggesting moving in with me so they can rent out their own homes, without asking me if I’d like that.

The sleeziness of some of them makes me want to puke.

I want my money when I die to go to my son

When you’re older men hate it if your child is smarter and more successful than theirs. They can’t Lord it over you if your child is off to a top university and theirs struggles.

Ive spent so long raising my son on my own as his Father hasn’t even met him that I’m disillusioned by what men say vs what they do.

Men are not gentleman these days I dated one who threatened to leave me in the countryside as I closed my passenger door too loud, stormed out a 3 star buffet breakfast hotel for not standing up to air kiss him on arrival another day he stormed out as I gave a passing smile to a Muslim lady as apparently they hate us. I also dated a South African who was thick, racist and misogynistic. He spoke about blacks in a dehumanising way. They force their bigoted views on you. I’m not woke I would consider voting reform but I feel incredibly uncomfortable with men’s views and it’s not unusual I’ve seen it many times. Then you listen to their views on women you'd never wish to date again.

Then there’s the ones who fall out with you dramatically only to crawl back thinking they’re getting control. Controlling weirdos!

An equally wealthy, intelligent, caring man with good morales like myself would be great but that’s a pipe dream and I’m asking too much.

Absolutely this.

I'm not prepared to compromise anymore and put myself in second place. None of my relationships, including a long marriage, actually enhanced my life, the negatives were far greater than the positives.

Plus being single rocks. I am whole and I am enough.

That’s grim, as if you want a pensioner in your 50s. I just ignore the chancers but mostly have people my own age interested, but yes do get the extreme younger and older too.