I spent my twenties, thirties and some of my forties in and out of short and longer term relationships without feeling like anyone was "the one" although there was a guy in my30s/40s who I really thought was it but it didn't work out and fucked me up for a better relationship for a long time. He sort of hung on in my life in the weirdest way and it's only been sorted very recently. How so? I was stuck for cash for a new phone deal so he gave me £12 a month which was supposed to be for a short while. Fast forward well over a decade, with me asking on a less and less regular basis for him to stop the standing order whatever and him just ignoring it. Out of the blue, for reasons of momentary insanity I thought it would be nice to hear his voice, so called his number for the first time in over five years? And he surprised me by answering the phone. Awkward because I had nothing to say to him, but also something big. Annoyingly something had changed my voice a lot so I could have pretended to be a wrong number, but my head was foggy. He was odd and I heard a partner in the background asking if I was some drunk ex. At about 8pm on a Sunday evening with the sound of Antique's Roadshow, er no. I was just some woman he used to know ... all of this was actually good because I was a tad annoyed. Got off the phone, apologised for bothering him. Texted him, please for the love of god stop the £12 payments, it feels like some covertly useless stalking nonsense. Btw, I'm seriously ill, so stop it now or you'll find out when I'm actually dead which I think might be a bit much to hear about some woman you used to know. Hallelujah, the payments stopped. All it took was the threat of death.
Anyway, and there I'd been wasting years with him, thinking about him being £12 a month "stalked" by him.
Since then I did have a lovely fwb with a thorougly decent man, a couple of goes around and been single for just over a decade and I love it. I could never live with someone again. I would be difficult because on and off through life I've lived alone. I love my own company. I love socialising but need a day or two to decompress if I do too much socialising, i.e. three or four evenings/days in a row. My libido went on holiday a few years ago and hasn't come home yet. We don't miss each other, but I have realised that I think that life would have been different if I'd realised that I definitely like women more than men but if I'd opened myself up more to relationships with women rather than being a slave to the cock which is often just no use whatsoever. Also if I'd not been fixated on intercourse as the be all and end all and not having sex as abnormal. So, I think I'll die an asexual lesbian and I've told someone I've only met recently that I have a crush on her, but it's pretty asexual and I'm pretty sure I could fall in love with her. It's reciprocated in the manner in which it's given. Sexless but intimate, real and tender.
So, that's my experience!