Why are people long term single?

[loveyoutothemoon]

So people that want a relationship and are single more often than not, is it more because they're difficult to get along with, insecure etc? Or could it be more down to luck?
I suppose I'm looking for personal experiences really.
For me it's fussiness and impatience and insecurity, which I'm having counselling for.

I actually think it's high confidence and self worth more often than low.

I've got pickier as I've got older.
So as though I'd love a partner, they'd have to be someone who really, really enhanced my life. Especially considering I don't want kids but also don't want to go back on birth control again. Certainly won't unless I find the right guy for me (and tbh, I'd want him to get the snip if we were still together in a year... Which I was going to say is a big ask but actually it's not because he also won't want kids if he's right for me).

I don't think I'm that fussy tbh. To simplify they'd have to be a solid 7.5 personality wise and a 6 (in my opinion) looks wise and hold down a steady job, no serious mental illness or personality disorders and good hygiene. But even that seems impossible to find these days.

I've been (mostly) single for 9 years before I met my DH. I loved the idea of being in a relationship, but the physical presence of a man always turned out so stressful and not worth all that hassle, just disappointing. I really miss it sometimes, at any given time I could stay home, eat ice cream, do a 10 step skincare routine in my living room, order sushi, and not have to listen to a man breathe. Then go sleep diagonally in my bed. Or just do a 2-hour bath, wine, then watch Pride and Prejudice for emotional stability. I miss being able to just lay on my bed for an hour without having to explain it to anybody. It was pure freedom.
I think I need a divorce 😂

Men don’t really offer much these days

i wouldn’t be with someone unless they could significantly enhance my life and have emotional stability and empathic

otherwise, im a single mum, earn v well, enjoy my space, don’t have to look after a man child and deal with expectations etc.

co parent with dc father really well and enjoy the benefits as thought we are a family at the weekend but no relationship expectations.

who knows what could happen with us in the future. But for now, I’m building a career and want to buy a bigger house, nicer car/ holidays and options for private school for dc when older.

The people I know who are single are so due to a number of reasons.

one is concentrating on their career, another does not trust men after a bitter divorce, another because hey are perfectly happy on their own.

Id like to have a partner but I’m not prepared to go through the hell that is app dating. I go out and have fun but never meet single men/ or they don’t seem to be interested. I don’t really flirt, which is probably why. I think the only way it’s going to happen is if I meet someone through work or hobbies and start out as friends. Very unlikely at my stage of life. I’m not unhappy being single and I won’t settle.

It was literally today that I saw an absolutely standard 50 yr old man putting the bins out. Tummy overhanging. Bald hair patch. Just normal. And my immediate thought without thinking was ‘thank goodness I don’t have to live with that.’ Don’t care if he’s nice, my friends are nice.

I'm quite the opposite. Would love companionship, but closed for business after menopause - no thanks!

I actually think it's high confidence and self worth more often than low

Agree, it’s having very high standards and having the confidence to know you don’t have to put up with any crap because at the end of the day I don’t need a man

This is my life right now!!

I would love to be married but then I get reminded there will be a man in my bed :/

shudder

Because I don't want a partner. Simple as that.

Even married a long time myself but my best friend has been single for a few years now after a long marriage. I think marriage out her off a bit. She’s more confident in her own skin and has clear boundaries. She’s having a lot of fun dating but no one long term as there’s not one she’s met that doesn’t seem to have issues. She says most of the sex is alright - one or two guys really did know what they were doing, it the majority are just looking for a shag about.

it’s made me realise I couldn’t hack dating now (am 50). Too many game players. If/when I end up by myself I’ll just get more cats.

They could be single for lots of reasons but a few that jump immediately to mind are:

Busy life
Freedom to do as you please
Unable to find a good partner

I'm currently single but have had 2 very long term relationships.

There are advantages and disadvantages to everything though?

Single parent, I don't have the time or energy to have another man in my life.

It can get lonely once the kids are in bed and I'm just sat on my own. But then I remember my ex would burp, fart and breathe and I cba with that again.

There are as many reasons as people, surely? Ranging from not being interested in having a relationship, focused on other stuff incompatible with a relationship, preferring short-term flings to anything committed, burnt after an abusive or unhappy relationship, being happier alone, open to a relationship but not finding much in the dating pool or being unlucky, or wanting a relationship but with behaviours that put off potential partners etc etc etc

I was widowed three years ago, I was lucky that we had a really good relationship and a lovely marriage but I am in absolutely no hurry to try to replicate what we had.

The thing is, we're whole and complete within ourselves anyway. Surely it's the default state. The only reason we should be in relationships is if the person really make our life happier and better. But I think we are brainwashed from youth and throughout life, into thinking if we are single, we are only half of a whole. That relationships are completions. That they are happy ever afters.

And so we jump into things we don't need to be in. And many people just can't BE. Let alone be single. They can't sit with themselves because they aren't happy with themselves. Or have codependency issues. Or, need codependent partners to feed their egos.

The question should not be 'why are you single?', it should be 'why are you in your current relationship?'.

I'm in my 40's and was widowed over 10 years ago and I'm a solo parent. It's not really choice, obviously the pool of suitable men narrows as you get older.

I don't like OLD and rarely get the chance to socialise in bars etc, even if they're not the place to meet anyone these days.

I have been asked out on social media by solo dads, but none that I've liked the thought of and I've not wanted to take more children on, maybe when they're independent, but not young children. I've already been through that.

In a way I've calved my own life out and I'm comfortable with everything. It would take someone pretty amazing to enter and stay in my life, to make it better, not worse. That may never happen of course. In my teens and 20's I would meet potential BF's every week, there was a large pool of suitable candidates back then! Sadly it's not like that anymore.

I have a nice peaceful life with my daughter and I'm not looking to disrupt that. I also have a very comfortable arrangement that sorts out the physical needs - everyone is happy, life is good...
Why mess up a good thing?

I saw a post on Facebook saying if women have been single for a long time it’s not because they can’t find someone. It’s because they are actively choosing to remain single because life is calmer and better without dating or having a man in their life who behaves like some of the examples on here.

No-one wants me. I've tried everything to find a partner but I'm always the fling before the one they go on to marry. I think I'm pretty normal, I've got good friends, kind, decent job, lots of stories to tell etc. It's obviously a me problem but I no longer cry myself to sleep about it thankfully.

Yep this.

Slim pickings for sure!

Loving all the replies! Would love to reply to all of them, sorry!
@Dweetfidilove Good for you. Think that's really what I want to find 🤞

You know that makes no sense right?

Can I have a glass of whatever you're drinking? 🍷

As for the OP's question. I actually don't know many single people. Are there really that many people long term single?

Love this.

Once I reached my 40s and was comfortable and confident with who I was, the pressure to try and find a partner lifted and I reached the blissful state of not feeling I needed to try. I also realised that I had a far more interesting, varied and satisfying life than so many of my married friends with children. It became clear that even in a good relationship with a loving partner, there is a lot you can lose as well as gain. I now have a living together apart relationship, which suits me to the ground. I don't end up cooking and cleaning for him. We spend quality time together, we go away together, and when we spend the night together it's a positive choice for us both, not just something we always do. I would recommend it.

Because I'm pretty content without having further uncertainty in my life and whilst there are downsides I just don't want it enough to take the risk again. He would have to be literally perfect with a crystal ball.