Partner has left with no warning

[Confused225]

Hi all just need a hand hold or some advice really.
I've been with .my partner 2 years in general it's been good. However whenever we have a disagreement his reactions are always way over the top.
We have been away this weekend and have had a minor disagreement. His response has been to storm off block me on everything and not come home.
For context he doesn't come from my area and moved here a year or so ago so has nowhere to stay.
All his stuff is here including passport ,driving licence etc. He quite regularly storms off in huff's but not to this level. We have joint bills etc and now I have no way of contacting him. I have a DS and he's really bonded with him. Before when he's stormed off he hasn't been present but now he's aware of what is going on,and is really upset.
This isn't normal behaviour is it? Just feel so confused

I have lived with a man like this won’t be long before it applies to everyone in the household. I admit when I left 10 years ago you could take your pick of private rentals and a lot easier but now I know what I do I’d take living in a tent over living with him. Even coparenting when he couldn’t find anything to call me out on he’d say ridiculous things like why would you put tinned strawberries in her packed lunch. Didn’t even know you could get them in a tin. I call him the petty tyrant. Absolutely pathetic human beings.

sorry cross posted! Wrong thread.

Op so guessing he has somewere to to stay whilst he's sulking,

Pack up his stuff and sod him, you block him too as we can all play that game, put all his stuff in a taxi to his parents home,

What luck that he handed you your key back! I suppose he thought he was 'twisting the knife' the wanker. Enjoy your lovely quiet time together with your son until ex rears his ugly head (probably later on today).

Have a lovely peaceful life without him x

He's doing it to punish you and control you so you don't say things that will upset him.

It's abusive.

Don't be upset, be mad.

Tell him to pack a bag and go. Where ever he has gone to now can keep him.

That’s 8 times too many that he’s done it. 7 if you want to be generous.
It’s over.

Don’t bin his stuff. Can the mutual friend pick it up?

XH did this a lot too. It's a horrible feeling never knowing when they'd go AWOL again. I did try hiding it from the kids, and luckily he'd go AWOL whilst they were at school/me at work....or overnight when we were all asleep. Still shit though, and it was almost impossible to plan much!! So many events and outings were ruined by him.

OP, I'm glad you have a plan in place. Don't be worrying about where he'll be staying etc. He's not your problem anymore. I remember about 4 months after XH and I split (he fucked off with OW - which was nail in coffin), he messaged me on the evening of what would have been our wedding anniversary bemoaning the fact he was sleeping in the disabled WC in the local park in town, and "how had it all come to this". I PMSL a lot and then replied it was down to him and OW to sort but I hoped he would sleep well.

I would post his passport and driving licence to his parents now. If he comes back for it tell him you did it because you couldn't contact him, assumed he was gone forever and wanted him to have his important documents back

I had one of these.

I've said this before, these men spoil special occasions/holidays on purpose. It's tempting to think they spoil it for themselves as well. That's the thing though, they don't. They get way more pleasure from spoiling something for you than they get from seeing you happy. Once you can get your head round that, it makes much more sense.

It's abuse. It won't stop. Ever. This is why he was with you. You tolerated it and so he continued. It's not your fault OP. These men don't think like us, that's why we get blindsided by them.

I'm glad you came on here and can see through it now. It always amazes me to see the same behaviours playing out so many times. The good thing is, if you see this in someone else, they'll be out the door. No second guessing.

This won't happen to you again ❤

Yeah when I've looked back there's been lots of little things where I've had to appease him in order for the huff not to start.
It's utterly exhausting and it isn't I til you write things down you can see what a mug you've been

Don’t be too hard on yourself - sometimes it takes a while to see the pattern, and his behaviour lends itself to you feeling confused and wanting to make things better.

Try and focus on moving forward without him.

Oh you're not a mug.

Appeasement, walking on eggshells and gas lighting yourself is where many of us ended up. It's so confusing. We try to apply normal logic to fucked up behaviour. That's why we don't initially see. It's easy with hindsight because now you know what you're looking at.

There's some complex stuff connected to our hormones that explains why the 'push-pull' dynamic and love bombing are so effective. It gets you chasing the 'nice' version of him that you know is in there - somewhere. We're unaware that the nice version is just a mask and heavily rationed.

These people are sick. Sadly, they are also very good at this. ❤

Don't waste your time OP, he won't change.
Sorry you're going through this and it's not pathetic to feel how you feel, but you're better off without him.

Things will get better but don't let him mess you around.
That's not a healthy relationship.

Being alone, independently, feels completely different to being abandoned. The cocktail of rejection, bewilderment, stress, sadness is so intense. But if you were by yourself, not walking on eggshells waiting for the next outburst, it would be calm and peaceful.

I’m not discounting loneliness, and I’m guessing that there’s probably quite a bit of grief that would surface for you, if you weren’t distracted by this high octane relationship. That pain is ultimately healing, but what you’re putting yourself through is immolation

If it were only a simple choice between being with him, and being alone, that would be one thing. But you can’t even choose to be with this guy because he isn’t stable. The choice here is between being alone, and living in fear of being abandoned anytime for any reason.

And as long as you let him clutter up your life, there is no room for the person who could potentially be a solid life companion. Your actually blocking access to what you want out of life,

@Confused225 are you 100% sure he’s not had a copy of any keys made? I’d be changing the locks regardless, it’s relatively cheap to do. In fact I don’t think its too tricky to do yourself if your DIY inclined.

I have been a mug before it’s ok. We get insecure we overlook things do things and put up with things we never thought we would. I think I’ve gone to the opposite end now I won’t put up with anything.

Hi op, it’s horrible being with someone like that. I have been there, as have others too.
Quite a lot longer in comparison, and then amongst many other things, it became intolerable once child came in to the picture, and all behaviours continue on with now another little person to think about.

I get it that some might do this to let things calm down. But generally this is childish immature behaviour, and actually a form of abuse, because in many situations it will be even when the other person has done nothing wrong.
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How do you feel when he does this?
Because probably quite a lot of it is done to make you feel bad.

You also have your child to think about who is now growing, to not have this man walking in and out.
And not nice for the child to witness things either.

I know what you mean about being alone, but you met this guy, I’m sure you can meet someone else perhaps in the future.
And focus on you and your child.

I've been really overwhelmed with all the advice and messages today some have been pretty brutal but I feel in some cases this is what I have needed to hear.
My DC is the most important thing and I won't allow this behaviour to impact their life,it's not ok.
Like a lot of people have said there's worse things than being single.
Today has given me some strength.

But he's acting like a child a 46 year old child sulking and having tantrums. I'm embarrassed on your behalf.
He's done you a big favour by leaving, for goodness sake don't take him back.
You should be thinking about your kids well being not the fact you might be lonely.

If it’s any consolation, you are not the only mug on this thread 😳. You have only been with this guy 2 years - I’m so stupid I MARRIED a similar type of abusive and controlling man . And then had several kids with him and stayed for 20 years !

I didn’t truly recognise how bad it had been until I had to write it all down for the divorce. When I was with him, I treated each bad event as separate, explained them all away , tried to forgive and forget and not bear grudges, tried to take responsibility ( aka blaming myself ) etc

But when I read the pages and pages of abuse I had written - well it was devastating. The pattern was clear as day and I was ashamed and embarrassed that I had been so stupid. I mean really REALLY stupid.

And I was angry at myself for so many wasted years and what my kids had gone through with him.

So you are TEN TIMES smarter than me @Confused225 😬

I am in your club, too. Met a seemingly lovely man, he had his first huff and storming out 2 WEEKS later and I was so confused/upset. I still went on to marry him and his huffs even though I knew deep down he was a huffy twat.

We're no longer together and he is happily being a huffy twat with some other poor woman.

No warning?!

You've had warning after warning after warning. Times 8.

He's repeatedly shown you what he is. A middle aged strop monkey flounce bunny.

And you're inflicting this on your poor kid again and again and again.

Of COURSE you know what to do.

Change your locks.

Remove his details from any bills.

Inform Council Tax office he no longer lives there.

Pack all his stuff neatly in a box.

Check if you're still blocked. If not, send a clear polite businesslike message saying the box will be on your doorstep on this date at that time and if he doesn't collect it, will go to the tip.

If blocked, do you have contact with any of his friends/family? If yes, send them that message to pass on.

If no contact details, keep the box for a reasonable time - then dispose of it.

Keep records of all attempts to contact him.

Grow your self respect. Step away from the 'any man is better than being single' mindset. Focus on you and your child.

All the best.

Bag his shit up and text him when to pick it up outside on your doorstep. Do not let him in.

This is how he handles disagreements. He's not going to change. This is a middle aged man acting like a fucking teenager. He's stormed out 8 times and you keep letting him come back for the next round. You're in a cycle and it's time to stop being a chump and break the cycle.

@2JFDIYOLO wins!

“a middle aged strop monkey flounce bunny”
😂👏🏻😂👏🏻😂👏🏻😂

Pack up his shit and ask the mutual friend to message him to let him know it’s outside for him to pick up.

Or even better. See if the mutual friend will come get his crap for him and he can pick it up from mutual friends house.

Your son doesn’t need this man as any kind of role model in his life demonstrating poor behaviour. The trash took itself out.

You’ll be fine with him gone. You’ll probably even start to realise soon that you aren’t treading on eggshells anymore. Enjoy having less stress in your life 💐