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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner has left with no warning

231 replies

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:38

Hi all just need a hand hold or some advice really.
I've been with .my partner 2 years in general it's been good. However whenever we have a disagreement his reactions are always way over the top.
We have been away this weekend and have had a minor disagreement. His response has been to storm off block me on everything and not come home.
For context he doesn't come from my area and moved here a year or so ago so has nowhere to stay.
All his stuff is here including passport ,driving licence etc. He quite regularly storms off in huff's but not to this level. We have joint bills etc and now I have no way of contacting him. I have a DS and he's really bonded with him. Before when he's stormed off he hasn't been present but now he's aware of what is going on,and is really upset.
This isn't normal behaviour is it? Just feel so confused

OP posts:
2024riot · 05/05/2025 05:28

He will be back once he has finished sulking
the worst thing to do is pander to it

itsnotachicken · 05/05/2025 05:31

2 ex wives? It really could be my ex! I was unfortunate enough to be the 2nd one! But I really don't think he's been with his current gf for 2 years. You don't live on the south coast do you?

Dump him. Don't be the current girlfriend the ex wives feel sorry for.

ConcernedOfClapham · 05/05/2025 05:36

46?
2 wives behind him?
storms out 8 times in 2 years?

this is no way for you to live, you must be on constant eggshells. Take particular note of how this is affecting your son and put his needs above all else. He needs to see you putting your foot down and refusing to be treated like this. Eventually this pathetic wretch will contact you; either to get his stuff or to worm his way back in for a while, until you say / do something he doesn’t like and the whole pattern will repeat again. And again. Until you get over this fear of ‘not being alone’. Because, believe me - you are better off alone than with this waste of space. You are better than this, you deserve better than this. So take control and tell him so.

good luck, I hope you can extricate yourself from this toxic relationship and move on.

MadinMarch · 05/05/2025 05:36

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 05:17

@user1492757084 I can't contact him as I'm blocked on everything

Be thankful he's blocked you as it gives you some peace to think things through.
If he's stormed off 8 times in two years then it's a very regular occurrence and he's very unlikely to change! This is no way for you and your son to live, and you're much better off without him. Pack up his stufff and leave it by the front door as he sure as hell will contact you sooner or later for his stuff, or asking to come back home. Don't let this loser back into your home or your life!
I also wonder whether he may actually be deliberately causing an argument so that he has an excuse to storm off and go awol at short notice- maybe to meet someone else, or go on a drugs or drink binge? Is this a possibility?
You sound lonely and being a single parent can be very lonely. In your shoes, I'd happily finish the relationship, and concentrate on building up a friendship and support network for yourself and son.

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2025 05:43

Pack his stuff so you can hand it over quickly when you next hear from him. That should be the end of this story, op. There is no other right decision for you to make here

arcticpandas · 05/05/2025 05:44

So he's got the maturity of a teenager. Worse actually; a teenager will just slam his door to be alone. I would not put up with this at all. It's very passive agressive and you and your child should not be subjected to it.

dapsnotplimsolls · 05/05/2025 05:47

Pack up his stuff and change the locks. If he hasn't contacted you by Thursday, drop his stuff off at his workplace.

DoRayMeMeMe · 05/05/2025 05:48

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 05:06

He's not a child either he's 46 . This is the first time DS has witnessed the huff and the fallout but it is once too many as it has really upset him. Hes asked where he is and if he's coming back and why he's just asked out.
Obviously I don't want my child seeing this.
He did this in previous relationships with both of his ex wives he openly admits he's huffy but this is next level

I think it is the next level, and it continues until he gets dumped. This is how it is from now until ever more.

Just dump him. He’s a liability in your life.
He has no issue with storming off creating all sorts of drama, so he can deal with the consequences.

This is a profoundly immature person that will neither communicate nor reflect. You don’t want him in your life.

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 05/05/2025 05:52

dapsnotplimsolls · 05/05/2025 05:47

Pack up his stuff and change the locks. If he hasn't contacted you by Thursday, drop his stuff off at his workplace.

I agree with this. He is not a good role model for your child.

Explain in words your child will understand that sometimes people are fuckwits and when they are, we don't need them in our lives any more. Explain in words your child will understand that sometimes it can feel sad for a while but in the long term making wise choices is always best

Please protect your child

abracadabra1980 · 05/05/2025 05:58

I'm older than you. The relationships IMHE that have survived are simply the ones where conflict can be resolved maturely. The volatile communicators have all long split up. Communication is absolutely vital to a healthy relationship and I'm sorry to say this one, if it lasts, which is 99.9% unlikely, has the potential to damage your child. I have zero tolerance for children being emotionally damaged by the negative antics of any adult in a relationship. You should end it for all of your sakes.

KTSl1964 · 05/05/2025 06:06

He's not healthy is he - he's very damaged and will not be good for you or your son. Pack his things and tell him to jog on - this will not get better. Put your "love for him" aside and protect your son.

AgentJohnson · 05/05/2025 06:15

Without warning!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s done this eight times before and again in his previous two marriages. You labelling it a huff is you minimising a very abusive habit he chooses not to break. THIS IS NOT FAIR ON YOUR CHILD! If your fear of being alone has opened you up to this toxic twat then you need to work on that fear with a professional.

Stop making his excuses! He’s pulled this stunt so many times before, you know he’ll be back. Take his shit with you or put it out with the trash. When he does contact you his stuff will be ready for him to collect because. If you have any self respect and or concern about your child’s well-being, this man is now is officially your EX.

littleblackdress26 · 05/05/2025 06:29

If you can't do it for you do it for your son is this the role model you want for him?
Being alone n single is better than this , U deserve better than this , don't you think?
This relationship is kinda new in the grand scheme of things it's not going to get any better than this, better to get out now rather than 5, 10 years later before it's done damage to you and your son.
He's shown you who he is can you live like this for the rest of your life?

TotemPolly · 05/05/2025 06:35

Pack up his stuff , contact his work to tell him to collect it or ask a friend of his to collect it and store it .

Lilactimes · 05/05/2025 06:44

MadinMarch · 05/05/2025 05:36

Be thankful he's blocked you as it gives you some peace to think things through.
If he's stormed off 8 times in two years then it's a very regular occurrence and he's very unlikely to change! This is no way for you and your son to live, and you're much better off without him. Pack up his stufff and leave it by the front door as he sure as hell will contact you sooner or later for his stuff, or asking to come back home. Don't let this loser back into your home or your life!
I also wonder whether he may actually be deliberately causing an argument so that he has an excuse to storm off and go awol at short notice- maybe to meet someone else, or go on a drugs or drink binge? Is this a possibility?
You sound lonely and being a single parent can be very lonely. In your shoes, I'd happily finish the relationship, and concentrate on building up a friendship and support network for yourself and son.

Show quote history

I really agree with this too.
being a single mum can be good if you’re not worried about someone else’s’ behaviour/ walking on egg shells, worrying if someone will return after storming out.
Pack his stuff, explain to your son that it will hurt for a bit as others have said! ( in more detail).
And then really concentrate on building up your network with your son.
Try and arrange meet ups/ nice things to do with your son with other mums. Try and have an outing planned for most days that gets you up and out. And then on special evenings have a movie night. I used to invite fellow single mums over for dinner once our kids were asleep anything that gives you companionship and calm. I think if you can do this for a bit, it will help.
Good luck x

TwelveBlueSocks · 05/05/2025 06:48

Hi OP,

I'm sorry that this is happening. I think psychologists would say that your partner is struggling with emotional regulation. He needs to go and see a clinical psychologist really and talk through why that is happening with him.

It may just be something he was born with, that is very hard for him to control.

Lilactimes · 05/05/2025 06:58

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 05:10

@CurlewKate no I'm not frightened of him. I don't really have anyone else my parents died a few years ago. I have two siblings but they live about 200 miles away from me so don't see them very often.
I think I'm scared of being alone ,which I know sounds pathetic.

Hi @Confused225 … I’m sorry you feel scared of being alone. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot and I do really know that feeling too but from a long time ago. I definitely learned to overcome it.

your son is quite a good age and primary school mums were my lifeline at this time.

Maybe I got lucky but I did really try to make an effort with mums at school when I could.
Perhaps if you’ve been focused on a relationship and keeping someone sweet so they don’t walk out, you’ve taken your eye off building up networks of support and friendships??
Think of anyone you know and quite like in your area annd message them for a meet up. And slowly start to build up things to do over the weeks ahead with you and your son. Asd in some regular video calls with your siblings too maybe? . In addition to having friends/ single mums over for dinner or lunch at weekend - I would also do long video calls once the kids were asleep with friends further afield. Invite friends to stay for the weekend… anything to keep you occupied to start with and then gradually you will also start to treasure the peace of being in your own space..and the calmness of knowing your son is upstairs asleep and you’re watching something you want to or phoning a dear friend. It can ease. Please don’t stay with an idiot because of a fear of loneliness because you really can make a rich life with your boy and friends and family xx

Firenzeflower · 05/05/2025 07:02

Sorry OP but you are alone because he is really useless. Get rid of him and start thinking about other ways of getting people into your life. This is no good for you or your child.

wrongthinker · 05/05/2025 07:06

Put his stuff in a box and drop it round to his friend's house. Change the locks on your house. Explain to your DC that he is fine but having a temper tantrum and that you won't be living together anymore. You will need to help your DC through their feelings about this.

Then get a hobby, make some friends, and vow that you will never let another abusive man child near you or your family again.

MadeForThis · 05/05/2025 07:07

He won’t change. This is his way of controlling you and punishing you. Get rid of him before your DS is hurt or learns the behaviour.

MyDeftDuck · 05/05/2025 07:08

Focus on your DS and yourself, keep the two of you safe and get on with life. The very fact your OH has behaved so erratically with TWO ex wives speaks volumes about his nature.

Pack his personal stuff up in boxes/bags and look to a future with your son, everything will fall into place. The two of you will be fine, look at this as a lucky escape.

LBFseBrom · 05/05/2025 07:08

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:50

Yeah he lives with me . He's done it about 8 times now but this is most definitely the worst. We were away when he stormed off this time and I have no idea where he is or anything.
Messaged me to say he wanted his work stuff then sent another.message to say he didn't want it then blocked my number.
I'm unsure what to do next

I think you need to end this relationship.

I've heard it said that people storm off after a minor disagreement and disappear for a while when they have someone else. I'm not saying that is the case here but it's a thought.

Whatever, you can't be expected to put up with this dreadful, repeated behaviour. You've not been together very long.

Better to be on your own with your child than have the stress of not knowing what is happening. You might even find you like being single. Presumably you go to work.

He is, frankly, appalling. I bet he doesn't even apologise.

Original poster
Confused225 · 05/05/2025 07:16

Hi everyone sorry I drifted back off to sleep earlier, my lovely cat came for a cuddle .
Thank you all for your replies. I have woken up and thought about all the incidents that have been spoiled by him. This is just the latest one he has done this on foreign holidays and other trips and events.
I had forgotten about some of them but they have all been a similar pattern with him storming off and leaving but in each case it has gotten progressively worse,longer periods of time and yesterday was the worst it's ever been .
I think I've been so desperate for a family home that I've put up with things as they didn't effect my DS. Now I can see that they are starting to and I agree with all of you on here that he cannot grow up like that.
I am not going to contact now ex partner. I will give him a few weeks to call for his stuff and if not I will post his passport etc back to his mum and dad's ( he doesn't speak to them or any of his siblings either ) as I know their address and get rid of his stuff or ask a mutual friend to drop it off. He has nowhere to live as he knows nobody here so I'm unsure if he may have gone back down the country ,who knows.
We have been friends for 14 years prior to being a couple and I had no idea this side of him existed. Perhaps this is why I've continued to make excuses for him.
I will update when I can but thank you all again x

OP posts:
AgnesX · 05/05/2025 07:17

Eight times in two years? You're better off without the drama and him.

Going on past performance he'll be back but do you really want a 46 year old brat?

EleanorReally · 05/05/2025 07:19

dont let him back in your life