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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner has left with no warning

231 replies

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:38

Hi all just need a hand hold or some advice really.
I've been with .my partner 2 years in general it's been good. However whenever we have a disagreement his reactions are always way over the top.
We have been away this weekend and have had a minor disagreement. His response has been to storm off block me on everything and not come home.
For context he doesn't come from my area and moved here a year or so ago so has nowhere to stay.
All his stuff is here including passport ,driving licence etc. He quite regularly storms off in huff's but not to this level. We have joint bills etc and now I have no way of contacting him. I have a DS and he's really bonded with him. Before when he's stormed off he hasn't been present but now he's aware of what is going on,and is really upset.
This isn't normal behaviour is it? Just feel so confused

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 05/05/2025 09:01

Did the fact he doesn’t see his own child or speak to his own family not set your alarm bells ringing?

Namechangey23 · 05/05/2025 09:02

Haven't read all the responses but he sounds like an unstable tosser. He really has done you a favour if he's already flounced off 8 times in a 2 year period. He could be going after drugs, sex elsewhere, gambling, oyou have no idea what he could be doing. Or he could be bipolar or have a personality disorder. He's also potentially a cocklodger. He doesn't see his own daughter is the biggest red flag of all to me!! But secondary red flag that he's had two other relationships or marriages fail it sounds for similar reasons.
Don't expose your son to such a shit man, if he comes back begging tell him to sod off, you don't need idiots like him in your life in the name of company. A cat is better company than him!

OneDeepReader · 05/05/2025 09:03

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Original poster
Confused225 · 05/05/2025 09:08

@OneDeepReader there's clearing your head and then there's vanishing for days at a time,not going to work and upsetting the house.
I have no issues with space but this isn't that.

OP posts:
ThatsNotMyTeen · 05/05/2025 09:10

Put his stuff in bin bags, and if he’s got a key, change the locks.

Twiglets1 · 05/05/2025 09:10

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It is emotionally abusive though to keep "storming off" rather than attempt to talk through conflict. You may not have seen it that way and no doubt OPs partner would also discount the idea that they have behaved badly. Yet they have a string of broken relationships behind them.

Beeloux · 05/05/2025 09:11

An ex used to pull shit like this (never lived together). He would find any excuse to throw a tantrum then try and scuttle back a few days later like nothing happened.

I later found out whenever he blocked me, he would go back on his dating apps and meet up with woman.

It only went on over a couple of months but I kick myself looking back for putting up with it for that long. I would block him back and he would call on withheld numbers and fill up my voicemail. Looking back it was definitley harassment.

DO NOT waste your time on this twat.

Blackdow · 05/05/2025 09:16

Doesn’t see his child. Doesn’t speak to any of his family. Has two ex wives. Openly told you that he stormed off from them too and is huffy. And this is the man you picked?

You have a child. You need to do better. As a single woman, you can choose whatever loser you want but you’re not. You have a child. This guy was a walking red flag but you moved him in with your kid anyway.

Get rid. For real. Don’t just say you’re doing it and then end up back with him. You have a child; this cannot be their childhood home life. It’s time to grow up.

Blackdow · 05/05/2025 09:18

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If you did it like this man does, then it was abusive.
Did you talk to your partners and say, “I can’t talk about this until I clear my head as i’m not thinking properly so i’m going to take a walk and calm down.”

Or did you scream and shout, storm off and block them on everything?

Bikergran · 05/05/2025 09:18

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:58

Yeah I know it's just a huge over reaction. Not sure what to do with his stuff etc as I have no way of contacting him

Get a load of boxes or bags, go round the house and pack it all up, absolutely every tiny item, be thorough. If you have a garage or outside porch, put it there for collection so he doesn't have to come back in the house. Ideally, drop the lot at the mutual friend's so you don't have to have any contact. Change any locks to which he has keys. Do NOT have confrontation when your child is around.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 05/05/2025 09:19

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:52

@MakeItToTheMoon DS is 8. The argument was about his DD who he does not see. I can't say too much as it would be very revealing.
He's not controlling on other ways just the huffs

DS is 8. The argument was about his DD who he does not see. I can't say too much as it would be very revealing.

I can assure it wouldn't be revealing. A useless man who doesn't see his children isn't exactly a rarity.

SpryCat · 05/05/2025 09:19

He hid this side of himself when you were just friends, his mask has fallen because you are in a relationship with him and he’s counting on your insecurities to allow him to walk all over you. He doesn’t care how it affects you or your child because he only cares about himself. You’ve been thinking back at how nice he was as a friend and wondering why he’s so different now and he’s hoping you will come to the conclusion that it’s because of you, so you try harder to please him. No matter how high you jump it will never be enough for him, he enjoys destroying anyone who gets close to him.

Velmy · 05/05/2025 09:21

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 05:06

He's not a child either he's 46 . This is the first time DS has witnessed the huff and the fallout but it is once too many as it has really upset him. Hes asked where he is and if he's coming back and why he's just asked out.
Obviously I don't want my child seeing this.
He did this in previous relationships with both of his ex wives he openly admits he's huffy but this is next level

Oh my goodness, I read this expecting him to be about 20! 46 and going off in a strop, blocking you on social media...get this absolute bed-wetter out of your life and stop him inflicting his emotional abuse on your child.

Blackdow · 05/05/2025 09:23

SpryCat · 05/05/2025 09:19

He hid this side of himself when you were just friends, his mask has fallen because you are in a relationship with him and he’s counting on your insecurities to allow him to walk all over you. He doesn’t care how it affects you or your child because he only cares about himself. You’ve been thinking back at how nice he was as a friend and wondering why he’s so different now and he’s hoping you will come to the conclusion that it’s because of you, so you try harder to please him. No matter how high you jump it will never be enough for him, he enjoys destroying anyone who gets close to him.

But did he really? If she has known him 14 years then she knew he didnt see his child and had been divorced twice. You don’t have a 14 year friendship with someone without some details about those situations coming out. He also told her he did this, so even if she had somehow not noticed in all their years if friendship, he told her about it. So, after the first or second time she should have been thinking, “eh, wait a minute here.” The only new information was falling out with his entire family which he did as soon as he moved in with her, so that was a big warning right at the start of cohabiting.

She knew this guy wasn’t great. She ignored it.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 05/05/2025 09:23

@Confused225 just put all his stuff in black bin bags and put them at the door! if he comes to collect them you dont need to let him in, just pass out the bags! if you have a porch, that would be better so you could leave them in there, or even the garden shed! he is a big bairn!!

OneDeepReader · 05/05/2025 09:26

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Channellingsophistication · 05/05/2025 09:27

His behaviour is abusive and by going off he is trying to punish you for not doing as he wants. Great he has no keys to your house.

I think best to box up his stuff and drop off at his parents house. After all he has blocked you and doesnt want to contact you. Then you never have to see him again. I guess this is how he behaved with the two ex wives..

I know you want a family for your DS but all he needs is you.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 05/05/2025 09:28

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 08:54

@Nicecuppatea2025 they honestly weren't I had never seen this side at all.

But presumably you knew he had 2 ex wives and a child he doesn't see?

Those facts alone would make him a non-starter for me.

Nicecuppatea2025 · 05/05/2025 09:33

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 08:54

@Nicecuppatea2025 they honestly weren't I had never seen this side at all.

OP but what about his level of parenting of his child, and the circumstances around two failed marriages? What was he like when you were dating? Honestly I think you need to really reflect on why you moved him in so fast given his history.

Loloj · 05/05/2025 09:34

OP - you’re definitely doing the right thing in getting rid of this man.

However you have to stay strong and not accept him back. 100% he will come back if he’s done this 8 times before.

He is not a good man for you and he’s a terrible role model for your child. He is pathetic and abusive. This is his way of trying to control you.

You must take control - he is now your ex. Who cares what happens to his stuff? Bag it up and put it somewhere out of sight until he inevitably returns and he attempts to repeat this pathetic cycle. Do not allow this - his time is up and you have an exiting new chapter of your life to get on with without him. Good luck - you deserve so much better than this.

NeedToChangeName · 05/05/2025 09:34

Twiglets1 · 05/05/2025 09:10

It is emotionally abusive though to keep "storming off" rather than attempt to talk through conflict. You may not have seen it that way and no doubt OPs partner would also discount the idea that they have behaved badly. Yet they have a string of broken relationships behind them.

Show quote history

Going for a short walk to calm down instead of shouting = helpful

Disappearing & avoiding contact = unhelpful

Fernticket · 05/05/2025 09:34

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:54

@MiloMinderbinder925 we've already had that conversation and it's got me nowhere. A mutual friend messaged him and he said we were done and then took his Facebook down.

Pack his things , contact the mutual friend and tell him to tell 'D'P to come and collect them - and return any keys he has to your home at the same time. Give him 24 hrs to do it. If he doesn't comply, put his stuff in the bin and change your locks.

Communitywebbing · 05/05/2025 09:40

This is not fair on your child, OP. You must find a way to leave. Ring a domestic abuse helpline if you can’t get support elsewhere.

MummaMummaMumma · 05/05/2025 09:41

Be glad he's gone. You and your son deserve so much better!
Change your locks when you get home.
Bad enough that you've been putting up with that, but now your son is involved it's even worse.

diddl · 05/05/2025 09:48

Are his parents/work too far for you to take stuff to?

I know you shouldn't have to but if it wouldn't be too much bother it might be worth it just to get rid & be done with it.