Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner has left with no warning

231 replies

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:38

Hi all just need a hand hold or some advice really.
I've been with .my partner 2 years in general it's been good. However whenever we have a disagreement his reactions are always way over the top.
We have been away this weekend and have had a minor disagreement. His response has been to storm off block me on everything and not come home.
For context he doesn't come from my area and moved here a year or so ago so has nowhere to stay.
All his stuff is here including passport ,driving licence etc. He quite regularly storms off in huff's but not to this level. We have joint bills etc and now I have no way of contacting him. I have a DS and he's really bonded with him. Before when he's stormed off he hasn't been present but now he's aware of what is going on,and is really upset.
This isn't normal behaviour is it? Just feel so confused

OP posts:
MyOliveHelper · 05/05/2025 08:21

What did you say about him and his child?

Dery · 05/05/2025 08:22

@Confused225 - great to hear you’re binning him. This man is utterly toxic. He falls out with everyone to the extent he has a child he doesn’t see but it’s everyone else’s fault. It doesn’t matter why he’s like this. What matters is that this is how he is. An utter self-centred, abusive arsehole. It would be hugely damaging for your DS to grow up around this.

It will hurt a bit at first but you will be so much happier without him. As will your son.

SallyCinnamon92 · 05/05/2025 08:22

Don’t do a thing OP! He’s a miserable entitled middle aged loser, you’ve pandered to it before and look where it has gotten you. Be glad you are blocked, take that as his confirmation that this is over. You have to be strong, pack his stuff, and when he comes crawling back because he has nowhere to live say you’ll be putting it out on the street at X time and he can collect it. That is that. Move on with your life and focus on your son. Being just the two of you would be preferable to this upheaval constantly. It appears the two women previous to yourself also came to that conclusion and I’d bet they’re happier now. You cannot role model this behaviour to your son. No matter how you are feeling pull yourself together and stick to your guns. You will get over this but you have to be willing! Good luck x

JudgeyJudie · 05/05/2025 08:22

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:45

After this weekend I don't think I can just feel very flat . I've no family apart from DS so perhaps some of it is I'm scared to be alone.

Better to be alone than to have a man child who needs a place to stay

JudgeyJudie · 05/05/2025 08:23

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:50

Yeah he lives with me . He's done it about 8 times now but this is most definitely the worst. We were away when he stormed off this time and I have no idea where he is or anything.
Messaged me to say he wanted his work stuff then sent another.message to say he didn't want it then blocked my number.
I'm unsure what to do next

I know.
Bundle all his crap up and leave it outside

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/05/2025 08:25

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:58

Yeah I know it's just a huge over reaction. Not sure what to do with his stuff etc as I have no way of contacting him

Bag up all his stuff. Do you know where he works? You could drop it there…do you know any of his family members? If not, it’s massive red flags anyway!! 🚩

Please don’t take him back if he changes his mind and comes crawling back. This behaviour is very damaging for your young son who will be learning all sorts from it and needs stability.

Prioritise your young son over having a “partner”.

IButtleSir · 05/05/2025 08:25

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 04:52

@MakeItToTheMoon DS is 8. The argument was about his DD who he does not see. I can't say too much as it would be very revealing.
He's not controlling on other ways just the huffs

Jesus wept woman, dump this fucker and prioritise your eight year old son. And don't move the next man in so quickly- that is very irresponsible parenting.

JudgeyJudie · 05/05/2025 08:26

Confused225 · 05/05/2025 05:10

@CurlewKate no I'm not frightened of him. I don't really have anyone else my parents died a few years ago. I have two siblings but they live about 200 miles away from me so don't see them very often.
I think I'm scared of being alone ,which I know sounds pathetic.

Get a lodger then. At least you can choose them

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 05/05/2025 08:26

OP maybe use this time away from him to build yourself up and focus on you and your sons future without this guy.

Instead of the fear of being alone, try to think of all the crap you won’t have to deal with - his moods, his throwing a tantrum and going off in a strop, the upheaval of wondering where he is and what you’ve done wrong etc.

All of that takes a huge amount of emotional energy - try and use that instead on positive things for you and your son.

Remember the turmoil he has put you both through when he comes crawling back - and he probably will, especially since he has nowhere else to live. Please don’t be tempted to give in and take him back, you’ll only be drawn back into the dysfunctional cycle all over again.

Think of the peace you have will when you let go of this guy and move on with your life. Work on building up other things: new friends, hobbies, interests.

Being alone doesn’t have to be a terrible thing, it can be liberating. It’s infinitely better than being with this dickhead!

Nicecuppatea2025 · 05/05/2025 08:27

Absolutely agree with everyone.
Do better.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/05/2025 08:27

Also how long have you been together in total, 2 years? How long ago did he move in with you? Agree with PP this all sounds very quick and you don’t seem to know much about him… please try and do better for your son next time! Don’t just move any Tom, Dick or Harry in to your child’s home…

jubs15 · 05/05/2025 08:28

He's done this to you 8 times in 2 years because he knows you will take him back. It's time to take control back and decide that this behaviour is completely unacceptable. Pack his things and leave them by the door. If you can get a message to him via someone else, then tell him he has 4 weeks in which to collect his belongings or they will be thrown away. Change your locks asap!

Lookuptotheskies · 05/05/2025 08:29

Oh OP. He has done you a favour.

Get your locks changed won't you. Don't let him back in when he tries it on. I'd post his stuff now to his parents rather than wait for him to get in touch. Take the control for yourself and get his stuff out. If he winges that you've sent it to his parent's address just state he had blocked you on everything and that's the only address you had. 🤷 Once you've posted it off you never need to worry about him ruining your son's childhood ever again.

HideousKinky · 05/05/2025 08:34

Previous posters are right - it is in the best interests of both you & your son if he leaves your life permanently.

RedAdmirals · 05/05/2025 08:36

Given the history of your DP I think we can safely say nothing is going to change with regard to his behaviour.

I'm not one to rush to say LTB, but in this case I will.

Pack up his belonging and put them on one side.

Change the locks.

Send a letter to him c/o his parents asking him to come and collect his stuff within a month or it will be disposed of. Send the letter "signed for" and keep a copy of the letter.

Get on with your life

Be very glad that a) you aren't married and
b)you have your own place

Original poster
Confused225 · 05/05/2025 08:37

Again thanks to everyone for the support and advice. We had known each other for 14 years so I didn't move an unknown person in. However I can see now that perhaps this has clouded my judgement. To be clear he's not done this and involved DS before this is the first and last time .

OP posts:
inkognitha · 05/05/2025 08:45

He ll be back today I bet, nowhere to go
Hope his stuff is already packed and waiting and a locksmith has been called
Better alone than with a tantrummer!!

justasking111 · 05/05/2025 08:46

Sounds like he has a personality disorder and would be better off living alone. It's not your problem but his.

Take care of yourself and your child.

Nicecuppatea2025 · 05/05/2025 08:52

OP burning question is why you started a relationship with this man in the first place. As you said, you had known him for a long time, so presumably lots of the red flags were there before you moved him in.

Original poster
Confused225 · 05/05/2025 08:54

@Nicecuppatea2025 they honestly weren't I had never seen this side at all.

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 05/05/2025 08:57

This isn't working is it? He's a terrible example to your Don, you will never be able to rely on him. Two wives have already had enough.
You need to pack up all his things for him to collect when he eventually crawls back.
Your son needs a stable home not this drama all the time.

Inertia · 05/05/2025 08:58

It’s the boiling frog strategy- he’s gradually upping the level of shithousery to test how desperate you are and how much you will tolerate.

You’ve had plenty of warnings-now is the time to heed them.

As PPs have said - your urgent priority is to get the locks changed. Don’t fret about his stuff-he isn’t. Don’t dance to his tune getting it back either.

SpryCat · 05/05/2025 09:00

He enjoys storming off, he enjoys making you suffer and worry as he makes everything about him. It’s nothing personal as he does this to everyone close to him, he wants everyone to walk on eggshells around him and to never disagree with him. He knows you don’t want to be single and knowingly manipulates you, he has been training you to be a doormat. You’ve only been together as a couple for two years so you can count on him to become worse. He has nowhere else to live so he will be back, promising you he will change/ how much he loves you blah, blah, blah. They are just words he has used countless times to others to get his own way, they are meaningless as he has no intention of changing and will find another insecure victim once he realises you won’t have him back.
You and your son deserve better than to be dragged down into his vortex of manipulation and unhappiness.

Hwi · 05/05/2025 09:00

Don't let this histrionic piece of shit back into your life - move on!

Original poster
Confused225 · 05/05/2025 09:01

He hasn't got a key to the house so no worries there

OP posts: