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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dumped by FWB on Easter

194 replies

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:18

I’m not religious and it’s not a ‘proper’ relationship so i shouldn’t really be sad that he’s ended it over Easter. But I still am! Pretty gutted actually. Lucky that it’s literally a festival of chocolate today. Would it be wrong to eat several entire eggs as a coping mechanism?

Perfect FWB scenario. Three years since I met him on Tinder having had a couple of years of post-divorce dating without any kind of romantic or sexual spark with anyone. He’s a lovely man but wasn’t looking for anything serious and I wasn’t bothered either. I fancied the pants off him though and our second ‘date’ was bedroom-based. Since then that’s all we’ve done. Literally nothing else. One of us will text the other to arrange a time, we’ll meet, a quick text to say thanks afterwards, and repeat again after a few weeks. No contact in between. It’s been brilliant. That gap in my life has been safely filled and I’m free to look after the kids and myself and our busy lives the rest of the time.

I’ve gone on the odd date with others, and so has he. We’re open about it with each other and with them. But he has now met someone he really likes so he’s told me that it means we can’t see each other any more. I totally understand and respect that, and wouldn’t want it any other way. I don’t have romantic feelings for him and we wouldn’t work as a proper couple for various reasons even if I wanted it.

But still… gutted. I’ll miss our thing. I’ll have to get out there again to meet men, most of whom (no offence to any lurking men reading this) really don’t float my boat in any way whatsoever. Nothing to look forward to or arrange in that field after a boring day at work.

Not sure what the answer is really. Just a bit sad today. Never mind. Good luck to him though. Now, where’s that chocolate?

OP posts:
tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:20

So will you carry on be friends without the benefits?

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:23

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:20

So will you carry on be friends without the benefits?

We’re not really friends in the traditional sense! I have only ever met him once without it being for a shag.

Maybe I’ll suggest staying in contact because he is a nice guy. But I’m not sure he would, or how it would work, and I certainly wouldn’t like it if I was his new GF.

OP posts:
tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:26

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:23

We’re not really friends in the traditional sense! I have only ever met him once without it being for a shag.

Maybe I’ll suggest staying in contact because he is a nice guy. But I’m not sure he would, or how it would work, and I certainly wouldn’t like it if I was his new GF.

Good grief no op don’t do this unless you don’t have any other friends in your life

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:33

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:26

Good grief no op don’t do this unless you don’t have any other friends in your life

The chocolate eggs are my friends.

Although they may well no longer exist in a few hours.

OP posts:
RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 09:34

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:23

We’re not really friends in the traditional sense! I have only ever met him once without it being for a shag.

Maybe I’ll suggest staying in contact because he is a nice guy. But I’m not sure he would, or how it would work, and I certainly wouldn’t like it if I was his new GF.

Sounds like he was using you. FWB usually means there’s a friend element! DIAL-A-DOPE more accurate here.
So any time he wanted sex and as you enjoy the thrill of getting dressed up and a bit of excitement you’d hook up regular until he was next in need of some? Then part ways. Nothing in between.
Most folk like to be appreciated or to go on the odd nice date or enjoy time together as friends.
Amazing he will be doing all that with the new lass and didn’t even think to do something even minor lovely by sounds of it for you other than a post shag text of THX.
Don’t set your bar so low next time. Looks are not everything. How someone treats you and makes you feel is really important too. You don’t deserve to be treated so cheap.
Straighten your crown. Enjoy your chocolate and delete his number.

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:34

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:33

The chocolate eggs are my friends.

Although they may well no longer exist in a few hours.

Get some fresh air, go for a walk instead

are you alone today?

Fleetheart · 20/04/2025 09:36

It’s harsh it’s ended this weekend; but maybe it’s ok- this is your new beginning, he was transitional and next time maybe someone who can be a bigger part of your life! onwards and upwards and enjoy the eggs

FortyElephants · 20/04/2025 09:42

RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 09:34

Sounds like he was using you. FWB usually means there’s a friend element! DIAL-A-DOPE more accurate here.
So any time he wanted sex and as you enjoy the thrill of getting dressed up and a bit of excitement you’d hook up regular until he was next in need of some? Then part ways. Nothing in between.
Most folk like to be appreciated or to go on the odd nice date or enjoy time together as friends.
Amazing he will be doing all that with the new lass and didn’t even think to do something even minor lovely by sounds of it for you other than a post shag text of THX.
Don’t set your bar so low next time. Looks are not everything. How someone treats you and makes you feel is really important too. You don’t deserve to be treated so cheap.
Straighten your crown. Enjoy your chocolate and delete his number.

He wasn't using her, it was a mutually beneficial arrangement. She wasn't treated cheap. Some women enjoy a no strings sexual relationship- it might not be for you but don't assume everyone is like you!

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:44

RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 09:34

Sounds like he was using you. FWB usually means there’s a friend element! DIAL-A-DOPE more accurate here.
So any time he wanted sex and as you enjoy the thrill of getting dressed up and a bit of excitement you’d hook up regular until he was next in need of some? Then part ways. Nothing in between.
Most folk like to be appreciated or to go on the odd nice date or enjoy time together as friends.
Amazing he will be doing all that with the new lass and didn’t even think to do something even minor lovely by sounds of it for you other than a post shag text of THX.
Don’t set your bar so low next time. Looks are not everything. How someone treats you and makes you feel is really important too. You don’t deserve to be treated so cheap.
Straighten your crown. Enjoy your chocolate and delete his number.

Wow. That’s got to be in the Top 50 Most Judgemental Posts On Mumsnet today (a very high bar indeed).

Our relationship was totally mutual. Sometimes he would make arrangements, sometimes I would. It wasn’t like you presume to describe at all. We treated one another exactly as desired, and my standards were exactly where I wanted them to be. We both respected the other completely, and had he not done so he wouldn’t have had access to my bed a single further time.

But thanks for your contribution.

OP posts:
Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:46

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:34

Get some fresh air, go for a walk instead

are you alone today?

As Descartes said (I think it was him), ‘One is never truly alone when one has one of them massive Lindor egg things’.

But I also do have a couple of teenage DCs and we are going for a walk up a hill shortly if either of them can be arsed actually getting in the bloody shower. There’s only so much ushering a woman can do.

OP posts:
tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:50

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:46

As Descartes said (I think it was him), ‘One is never truly alone when one has one of them massive Lindor egg things’.

But I also do have a couple of teenage DCs and we are going for a walk up a hill shortly if either of them can be arsed actually getting in the bloody shower. There’s only so much ushering a woman can do.

Bloody hell op
your kids are with you and it’s Easter Sunday

forget a shag partner who has moved on (when was the last time you had sex with him?) and have a nice day with your kids

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:52

We’re open about it with each other and with them. But he has now met someone he really likes

I would bet a LOT he didn’t tell someone he really liked and saw a future with!!

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:59

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:50

Bloody hell op
your kids are with you and it’s Easter Sunday

forget a shag partner who has moved on (when was the last time you had sex with him?) and have a nice day with your kids

That’s the plan when they’re ready!

Last saw him a couple of weeks ago.

OP posts:
Cushionette · 20/04/2025 10:00

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:52

We’re open about it with each other and with them. But he has now met someone he really likes

I would bet a LOT he didn’t tell someone he really liked and saw a future with!!

Well who knows but I’ve only seen him once since he met her so there’s not a huge amount to tell her now he’s ended it with me.

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 20/04/2025 10:03

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:52

We’re open about it with each other and with them. But he has now met someone he really likes

I would bet a LOT he didn’t tell someone he really liked and saw a future with!!

Why are you so judgemental?

mummypigoink · 20/04/2025 10:05

been there, done that. Chocolate eggs are better friends than new year booze in such circumstances. You never know where the next fwb may be lurking…

Gymbunny2025 · 20/04/2025 10:06

Great sex is definitely a source of joy. I’m sorry this has been taken from you today. I’d be sad too! Onwards and upwards! He might have done you a favour by making you open to meeting someone better!

I remember being absolutely devastated when an ex and I split I he had the most perfect penis and the sex was fab. I never thought I’d have either as good again. But then my DH came into my life and actually I can say I was wrong! He’s waaay better 😂 plus also a decent human being!

BrilliantLouse · 20/04/2025 10:08

I think FWB is tricky, you need to fancy them enough but not too much.
You have so much to be grateful for, focus on the good in your life and the fun times you had with him. There will be other men and other opportunities, keep your chin up! But maybe don't be FWB when you like them too much.

BrilliantLouse · 20/04/2025 10:09

And I would not suggest staying friends with him!

Imbusytodaysorry · 20/04/2025 10:09

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:20

So will you carry on be friends without the benefits?

They were never friends?

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 10:13

Gymbunny2025 · 20/04/2025 10:06

Great sex is definitely a source of joy. I’m sorry this has been taken from you today. I’d be sad too! Onwards and upwards! He might have done you a favour by making you open to meeting someone better!

I remember being absolutely devastated when an ex and I split I he had the most perfect penis and the sex was fab. I never thought I’d have either as good again. But then my DH came into my life and actually I can say I was wrong! He’s waaay better 😂 plus also a decent human being!

Yeah I’m hoping it will turn to positivity at some point. Onwards and upwards indeed. The thought of looking for the next person is a bit depressing but you’re right - somewhere there is something better!

OP posts:
Stressfordays · 20/04/2025 10:15

Ah, it's so annoying when the perfect booty call takes themselves off the roster. Finding a replacement is HARD! You'll be ok, eat the Easter eggs, have a few weeks break then back to tinder you go.

Mulledjuice · 20/04/2025 10:17

RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 09:34

Sounds like he was using you. FWB usually means there’s a friend element! DIAL-A-DOPE more accurate here.
So any time he wanted sex and as you enjoy the thrill of getting dressed up and a bit of excitement you’d hook up regular until he was next in need of some? Then part ways. Nothing in between.
Most folk like to be appreciated or to go on the odd nice date or enjoy time together as friends.
Amazing he will be doing all that with the new lass and didn’t even think to do something even minor lovely by sounds of it for you other than a post shag text of THX.
Don’t set your bar so low next time. Looks are not everything. How someone treats you and makes you feel is really important too. You don’t deserve to be treated so cheap.
Straighten your crown. Enjoy your chocolate and delete his number.

Did you read the OP?

RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 10:55

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:44

Wow. That’s got to be in the Top 50 Most Judgemental Posts On Mumsnet today (a very high bar indeed).

Our relationship was totally mutual. Sometimes he would make arrangements, sometimes I would. It wasn’t like you presume to describe at all. We treated one another exactly as desired, and my standards were exactly where I wanted them to be. We both respected the other completely, and had he not done so he wouldn’t have had access to my bed a single further time.

But thanks for your contribution.

Might as well aim for #1. Evolution plays a part. Men as a result are usually happy to sleep around with ‘low value’ mates as there’s no cost to them. Almost any woman will do. Low value meaning easy to mate with.
Women are a bit more discerning as higher quality value and as you’ve admitted yourself plays a part and you did find him very attractive.
Women (unfairly and don’t agree that it’s right - just saying in men’s eyes) often are devalued in a FWB situation.
You don’t need to agree but ask him if he wants to keep in touch with you as friends… if he says yes and doesn’t follow through, says no or doesn’t respond, I rest my case: all benefits and not friends… 🏆 🙋‍♀️

FortyElephants · 20/04/2025 11:01

RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 10:55

Might as well aim for #1. Evolution plays a part. Men as a result are usually happy to sleep around with ‘low value’ mates as there’s no cost to them. Almost any woman will do. Low value meaning easy to mate with.
Women are a bit more discerning as higher quality value and as you’ve admitted yourself plays a part and you did find him very attractive.
Women (unfairly and don’t agree that it’s right - just saying in men’s eyes) often are devalued in a FWB situation.
You don’t need to agree but ask him if he wants to keep in touch with you as friends… if he says yes and doesn’t follow through, says no or doesn’t respond, I rest my case: all benefits and not friends… 🏆 🙋‍♀️

What a load of rubbish

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