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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dumped by FWB on Easter

194 replies

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:18

I’m not religious and it’s not a ‘proper’ relationship so i shouldn’t really be sad that he’s ended it over Easter. But I still am! Pretty gutted actually. Lucky that it’s literally a festival of chocolate today. Would it be wrong to eat several entire eggs as a coping mechanism?

Perfect FWB scenario. Three years since I met him on Tinder having had a couple of years of post-divorce dating without any kind of romantic or sexual spark with anyone. He’s a lovely man but wasn’t looking for anything serious and I wasn’t bothered either. I fancied the pants off him though and our second ‘date’ was bedroom-based. Since then that’s all we’ve done. Literally nothing else. One of us will text the other to arrange a time, we’ll meet, a quick text to say thanks afterwards, and repeat again after a few weeks. No contact in between. It’s been brilliant. That gap in my life has been safely filled and I’m free to look after the kids and myself and our busy lives the rest of the time.

I’ve gone on the odd date with others, and so has he. We’re open about it with each other and with them. But he has now met someone he really likes so he’s told me that it means we can’t see each other any more. I totally understand and respect that, and wouldn’t want it any other way. I don’t have romantic feelings for him and we wouldn’t work as a proper couple for various reasons even if I wanted it.

But still… gutted. I’ll miss our thing. I’ll have to get out there again to meet men, most of whom (no offence to any lurking men reading this) really don’t float my boat in any way whatsoever. Nothing to look forward to or arrange in that field after a boring day at work.

Not sure what the answer is really. Just a bit sad today. Never mind. Good luck to him though. Now, where’s that chocolate?

OP posts:
GentlemanJay · 21/04/2025 19:56

Though nothing apart from sex. Not a drink. Not a walk in the park on a sunny day. Cinema.

No. That’s not a friend. It’s just sex.

Gymbunny2025 · 21/04/2025 19:59

Chats and tea afterwards? I have people I would consider friends that I have chats and tea with. I’m sorry it doesn’t meet your high standard for friendship 😂

AnonAnonmystery · 21/04/2025 20:00

I’m really not sure with this post triggered so many people.

Imbusytodaysorry · 21/04/2025 22:10

AnonAnonmystery · 21/04/2025 20:00

I’m really not sure with this post triggered so many people.

Someone was enjoying sex and same someone was sad it was over .
Healthy sex life is forbidden didnt you know ?

RedRock41 · 21/04/2025 22:34

Gymbunny2025 · 21/04/2025 19:50

Misses her because you no longer met up as friends? What you’re describing is a relationship!

im sure OP would consider this man a friend? They saw each other every 3 weeks for 3 years! They must have been friendly ☺️ I have people I consider friends I see a lot less!

OP already said they are not friends… but definitely friendly - ☕️ 💬

We’re not really friends… I have only ever met him once without it being for a shag.
Maybe I’ll suggest staying in contact because he is a nice guy. But I’m not sure he would, or how it would work, and I certainly wouldn’t like it if I was his new GF.

TBF that was early on before the 180 to ‘am I bovvered?’ 🍫

crackofdoom · 22/04/2025 00:24

AnonAnonmystery · 21/04/2025 20:00

I’m really not sure with this post triggered so many people.

Because nice girls still don't apparently, even though it's the 21st century 🙄

RedRock41 · 22/04/2025 05:11

crackofdoom · 22/04/2025 00:24

Because nice girls still don't apparently, even though it's the 21st century 🙄

BS. The thread narrative was changed. No one said OP or anyone else can’t with anyone and everyone they want to. Go for it. Not about being nice but being smart…if you know, you know.

category12 · 22/04/2025 06:02

Have you ever considered that you might have got the tone of the post wrong from the start, rather than it being a 180?

I read it as tongue in cheek and hyperbole.

You surely weren't alone, but it may be worth considering that you could have got it wrong.

birdieblues · 22/04/2025 06:58

It sounds like an arrangement that worked well but unfortunately can’t go on forever. It was likely one of the duo would eventually find someone else.

At least it was fun while it lasted.

LillyPJ · 22/04/2025 07:02

@RedRock41 It doesn't sound like he was using her though. They were both 'using' each other and were happy with the arrangement.

RedRock41 · 22/04/2025 07:14

LillyPJ · 22/04/2025 07:02

@RedRock41 It doesn't sound like he was using her though. They were both 'using' each other and were happy with the arrangement.

Definitely accept I could be wrong.
Post I read though said he couldn’t see OP any more as he’s ‘met someone he really likes’. Ouch.
OP mused about maybe asking to be friends, but she didn’t think he would…
Maybe people don’t mind being thought of as ‘just a shag’ and fair play to them if so.

crackofdoom · 22/04/2025 08:00

RedRock41 · 22/04/2025 05:11

BS. The thread narrative was changed. No one said OP or anyone else can’t with anyone and everyone they want to. Go for it. Not about being nice but being smart…if you know, you know.

Edited

Ooh go on, do give us RedRock41's golden rules for enjoyable casual sex. I feel like some light entertainment is in order 😆

RedRock41 · 22/04/2025 08:04

crackofdoom · 22/04/2025 08:00

Ooh go on, do give us RedRock41's golden rules for enjoyable casual sex. I feel like some light entertainment is in order 😆

Bullying other people is never a good look. 👆🏻

crackofdoom · 22/04/2025 08:07

RedRock41 · 22/04/2025 08:04

Bullying other people is never a good look. 👆🏻

Bullying? How so? You just told us it's "all about being smart", and "if you know you know", so I'm agog to hear your pearls of wisdom about how to navigate casual sex and situationships drawn from your evidently vast experience on the subject. Do share! 🤷‍♀️

RedRock41 · 22/04/2025 08:10

crackofdoom · 22/04/2025 08:07

Bullying? How so? You just told us it's "all about being smart", and "if you know you know", so I'm agog to hear your pearls of wisdom about how to navigate casual sex and situationships drawn from your evidently vast experience on the subject. Do share! 🤷‍♀️

@crackofdoom debate is great. Would’ve been happy to clarify if you’d asked. Targeting other people just to be sarcastic or ridicule isn’t big or clever.

crackofdoom · 22/04/2025 08:15

RedRock41 · 22/04/2025 08:10

@crackofdoom debate is great. Would’ve been happy to clarify if you’d asked. Targeting other people just to be sarcastic or ridicule isn’t big or clever.

Really? Because your previous replies to the OP would seem to suggest otherwise...🤔

But anyway, yes please, do clarify! Enlighten us on how to do casual sex the right way from your vast experience! I'm sure we're all agog....

RedRock41 · 22/04/2025 08:25

crackofdoom · 22/04/2025 08:15

Really? Because your previous replies to the OP would seem to suggest otherwise...🤔

But anyway, yes please, do clarify! Enlighten us on how to do casual sex the right way from your vast experience! I'm sure we're all agog....

I disagree. MN can be a pretty nasty place at times as you’ve shown. Us mob mentality for having a different view.

CallMeEuphemia · 22/04/2025 08:26

My word, this lighthearted thread has got some posters in a complete tizzy hasn't it? OP didn't open with "FWB are great - discuss", so why the debate?

I rarely, if ever, laugh out loud at posts on MN, I'm not one of those "pmsl" types, but I had to laugh at this.......This thread makes a mockery of MN. I mean, seriously?

I can only deduce that some posters feel very very uncomfortable at the thought of a woman enjoying sex for the sake of it. I've never had a FWB, not my cup of tea, but neither are a great many things that others enjoy. People are different and that's fine.

Tortuous comments on the technicalities of what "friendship" means are a ridiculous irrelevance. Everybody knows that FWB means consensual no-strings sex with a regular partner. And most people appreciate you can simultaneously feel sad when something you enjoy ends while not being particularly invested.

I would argue it might be better if more women stuck to FWB relationships, rather than moving their latest fling in with their unconsenting children, putting up with all kinds of shit, and coming on here to moan that they can't get rid of him. OP seems to have her shit together and good for her.

Almostwelsh · 22/04/2025 08:44

I get you OP. I have had similar arrangements myself although I don't use the term friends with benefits. I prefer the term "lover" because to me it sounds like something from a risque french novel. 😂 And no, it doesn't mean I love them.

These lovers, although proper adults, are usually too young to be serious contenders for a relationship with me, so noone gets confused or upset when they don't turn into relationships.

But good lovers aren't that easy to find, so I understand your disappointment this weekend.

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