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Original poster

Dumped by FWB on Easter

194 replies

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:18

I’m not religious and it’s not a ‘proper’ relationship so i shouldn’t really be sad that he’s ended it over Easter. But I still am! Pretty gutted actually. Lucky that it’s literally a festival of chocolate today. Would it be wrong to eat several entire eggs as a coping mechanism?

Perfect FWB scenario. Three years since I met him on Tinder having had a couple of years of post-divorce dating without any kind of romantic or sexual spark with anyone. He’s a lovely man but wasn’t looking for anything serious and I wasn’t bothered either. I fancied the pants off him though and our second ‘date’ was bedroom-based. Since then that’s all we’ve done. Literally nothing else. One of us will text the other to arrange a time, we’ll meet, a quick text to say thanks afterwards, and repeat again after a few weeks. No contact in between. It’s been brilliant. That gap in my life has been safely filled and I’m free to look after the kids and myself and our busy lives the rest of the time.

I’ve gone on the odd date with others, and so has he. We’re open about it with each other and with them. But he has now met someone he really likes so he’s told me that it means we can’t see each other any more. I totally understand and respect that, and wouldn’t want it any other way. I don’t have romantic feelings for him and we wouldn’t work as a proper couple for various reasons even if I wanted it.

But still… gutted. I’ll miss our thing. I’ll have to get out there again to meet men, most of whom (no offence to any lurking men reading this) really don’t float my boat in any way whatsoever. Nothing to look forward to or arrange in that field after a boring day at work.

Not sure what the answer is really. Just a bit sad today. Never mind. Good luck to him though. Now, where’s that chocolate?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cushionette · 20/04/2025 12:40

Thanks for all the replies and understanding. A lot of you lovely people seem to get where I’m coming from. It’s not a massive deal, just a bit of a bummer, as one of you said. And I am conscious of my luck in finding a bloke who was hot, good in bed, and did ‘casual’ without being rude or thoughtless or flighty. My previous experiences make me doubt that another will come along like that easily. But you never know!

In the end perhaps the lack of complications becomes a complication in itself when the thing ends and you’re like ‘Oh, I quite liked our little arrangement’. Ah well.

The comments from @RedRock41 made me laugh. Calm down Andrew Tate.

And obviously FWB is just shorthand for casual sexual partner with whom I am friendly. Didn’t think we actually had to be proper friends too!

OP posts:
GroovyChick87 · 20/04/2025 12:41

category12 · 20/04/2025 12:39

Crikey, what human being walks away from a 3 year shag buddy that they had a lot of fun with, without a bit of sadness, especially when it's the other person ending it.

It doesn't mean she can't handle a casual arrangement, it just means she's not a robot. 🙄

Show quote history

How have you got that from my post? Of course she's going to be upset. I don't know how you've come to the conclusion that I'm saying she wouldn't be. I'm saying that fwb is not always a good idea. He clearly doesn't care, as he's had a better offer and moved on with no thought for OP. Yes that's the whole point of fwb but I'm saying that's why it doesn't usually work.

Seagreensmokeyblue · 20/04/2025 12:44

blueleavesgreensky · 20/04/2025 12:28

It’s not easy to replace as she has to fund someone she fancies the pants off and who satisfies her sexually and who is generally a nice person and who is happy to disappear in between encounters.
seeing that people in MN struggle to fund even one of those characteristics it’s hardly piece of cake to find someone who satisfies all of them.

Show quote history

Well if she really enjoys no strings attached sex I'm sure she can have a lot of experiences, some of which she will hopefully find enjoyable, trying to find the guy that ticks all the boxes.

RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 12:47

blueleavesgreensky · 20/04/2025 12:26

Of course she found him very attractive. That’s pretty much essential for a FWB as the whole point is it’s someone to have sex with.

not sure what you mic drop ‘rest my case’ is all about as you actually come across as a bit mad and stuck somewhere in the last century.

the OP has said she’s not really super sure about bothering to keep in touch as the only purpose this man has for he in her life was to satisfy her sexually. So why would she ask him to stay friends when she doesn’t really want or need that from him?

maybe you should explore your own sexuality a bit more as you seem to tie sex up with how you value yourself as a person. That’s sad and very unevolved

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🤣👍

category12 · 20/04/2025 12:50

GroovyChick87 · 20/04/2025 12:41

How have you got that from my post? Of course she's going to be upset. I don't know how you've come to the conclusion that I'm saying she wouldn't be. I'm saying that fwb is not always a good idea. He clearly doesn't care, as he's had a better offer and moved on with no thought for OP. Yes that's the whole point of fwb but I'm saying that's why it doesn't usually work.

Edited
Show quote history

It worked for 3 years: it was a good run.

How long does a fwb arrangement have to continue for it to be considered a success?

march654 · 20/04/2025 12:55

Aww. That’s rubbish. Sounded like a perfect set up that suited you both. Get stuck in to those eggs my lovely 🤎

Totallytoti · 20/04/2025 12:56

You were using each other without strings attached. I don’t think he did anything wrong. This is the price you pay for such an arrangement unfortunately.

Original poster
Cushionette · 20/04/2025 12:57

Totallytoti · 20/04/2025 12:56

You were using each other without strings attached. I don’t think he did anything wrong. This is the price you pay for such an arrangement unfortunately.

Yep. He did nothing wrong at all.

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 20/04/2025 13:10

Totallytoti · 20/04/2025 12:56

You were using each other without strings attached. I don’t think he did anything wrong. This is the price you pay for such an arrangement unfortunately.

She never said he did anything wrong?!

Hastentoadd · 20/04/2025 13:12

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:23

We’re not really friends in the traditional sense! I have only ever met him once without it being for a shag.

Maybe I’ll suggest staying in contact because he is a nice guy. But I’m not sure he would, or how it would work, and I certainly wouldn’t like it if I was his new GF.

Show quote history

You are better off moving on, having him in your head could prevent you properly considering other men

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 20/04/2025 13:17

“Straighten your crown”. 😂😂😂

MightAsWellBeGretel · 20/04/2025 13:18

Totallytoti · 20/04/2025 12:56

You were using each other without strings attached. I don’t think he did anything wrong. This is the price you pay for such an arrangement unfortunately.

OP never suggested he's done anything wrong.

Yet another sneery tone. What is it about women that enjoy sex outside of a serious that rankles, exactly? Im really intrigued.

crackofdoom · 20/04/2025 13:25

MightAsWellBeGretel · 20/04/2025 13:18

OP never suggested he's done anything wrong.

Yet another sneery tone. What is it about women that enjoy sex outside of a serious that rankles, exactly? Im really intrigued.

Show quote history

It threatens the patriarchy.

Misogynist men are terrified of sexually liberated women who aren't desperate for a relationship- it means they have very little power over us.

Seagreensmokeyblue · 20/04/2025 13:35

MightAsWellBeGretel · 20/04/2025 13:18

OP never suggested he's done anything wrong.

Yet another sneery tone. What is it about women that enjoy sex outside of a serious that rankles, exactly? Im really intrigued.

Show quote history

People who enjoy casual sex or no strings attached sex are perfectly entitled to do so.

But what rankles is someone coming on and starting a thread moaning about her sexual partner ending the arrangement when he was perfectly entitled to do so.

It smacks of entitlement: wanting all the perceived benefits of no commitment sex but being annoyed/ upset/ sad/ or whatever when she realises that no commitment really does mean no commitment.

And what it being Easter has to do with it is a total mystery to me.

TheHerboriste · 20/04/2025 13:40

Some of the posters on this thread are seriously lacking in any sense of humour.

Enjoy your chocolate eggs, OP!

TheHerboriste · 20/04/2025 13:41

Seagreensmokeyblue · 20/04/2025 13:35

People who enjoy casual sex or no strings attached sex are perfectly entitled to do so.

But what rankles is someone coming on and starting a thread moaning about her sexual partner ending the arrangement when he was perfectly entitled to do so.

It smacks of entitlement: wanting all the perceived benefits of no commitment sex but being annoyed/ upset/ sad/ or whatever when she realises that no commitment really does mean no commitment.

And what it being Easter has to do with it is a total mystery to me.

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Jfc, lighten up. She’s having a ruefully witty moan. Those who don’t get it can just scroll on.

BigLooser · 20/04/2025 13:41

RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 10:55

Might as well aim for #1. Evolution plays a part. Men as a result are usually happy to sleep around with ‘low value’ mates as there’s no cost to them. Almost any woman will do. Low value meaning easy to mate with.
Women are a bit more discerning as higher quality value and as you’ve admitted yourself plays a part and you did find him very attractive.
Women (unfairly and don’t agree that it’s right - just saying in men’s eyes) often are devalued in a FWB situation.
You don’t need to agree but ask him if he wants to keep in touch with you as friends… if he says yes and doesn’t follow through, says no or doesn’t respond, I rest my case: all benefits and not friends… 🏆 🙋‍♀️

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I agree with you.
A personal insight. How does the FWB describe the OP to himself? A friend - probably not. I have sex with her - that would be accurate? So not a girlfriend, not a friend, just a sex mate? Not the label I would care for. Even when completely mutual, it just does not sound like something I would like to be called. But of course other women may be perfectly happy with this.

ItGhoul · 20/04/2025 13:42

Cushionette · 20/04/2025 09:44

Wow. That’s got to be in the Top 50 Most Judgemental Posts On Mumsnet today (a very high bar indeed).

Our relationship was totally mutual. Sometimes he would make arrangements, sometimes I would. It wasn’t like you presume to describe at all. We treated one another exactly as desired, and my standards were exactly where I wanted them to be. We both respected the other completely, and had he not done so he wouldn’t have had access to my bed a single further time.

But thanks for your contribution.

Show quote history

No judgement, you’ve done nothing wrong. But, gently, I would be inclined to wonder how mutual things really were if he had no issue with ditching you over Easter while you’re sitting there feeling miserable about it. Ultimately, if things were completely even between you, you wouldn’t be feeling hurt.

Catandsquirrel · 20/04/2025 13:48

Alright, FFS. Nobody used anybody. Two nice people had an enjoyable arrangement over a protracted period. It wasn't going to lead anywhere because of reasons. Both were fine with that. OP isn't distraught or anything, just wanted to chat through not having this person in her life in a small, pleasant way any longer.

Imagine working in a post for two years. You'll miss your colleagues and stay in touch with a few. Those you don't, you'll miss but be aware the friendship realistically won't last if you move away. Obv it doesn't involve sex but as we go through life, we meet people, like and care about them and know we will probably not stay in touch with some. It's normal to feel a bit sad when parting ways. Holidays can compound that if it should coincide. Luckily there is chocolate at Easter and wine at Christmas.

TorroFerney · 20/04/2025 13:49

Seagreensmokeyblue · 20/04/2025 12:24

But in OP's case he wasn't even a friend.

From what I know about Internet dating most of the guys only do it because they are looking for sex.

So if that's all OP is looking for then she will easily replace her old sexual partner with a different one.

Show quote history

Yes which is what she is saying but also saying it’s a bit of a fag to have to go and find someone else. It’s a bit like when your hairdresser moves, objectively you know you can easily find another one but it takes effort and you may get one who doesnt do your hair quite like the last one did.

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 20/04/2025 13:50

ItGhoul · 20/04/2025 13:42

No judgement, you’ve done nothing wrong. But, gently, I would be inclined to wonder how mutual things really were if he had no issue with ditching you over Easter while you’re sitting there feeling miserable about it. Ultimately, if things were completely even between you, you wouldn’t be feeling hurt.

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She’s “miserable” because she enjoyed the ready supply of no strings sex and now that’s ended!

nothing more to it.

like when Cadbury stopped making secret bars. My favourite treat and yes I was pissed off I could no longer get them and now I was going to have to find another chocolate bar to become my go to treat.

Seagreensmokeyblue · 20/04/2025 13:53

TheHerboriste · 20/04/2025 13:41

Jfc, lighten up. She’s having a ruefully witty moan. Those who don’t get it can just scroll on.

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A witty moan ? You have a funny idea of wit.

And as usual any poster who expresses a different point of view is told to lighten up, or better still just don't bother posting.

You just don't want to hear that people actually think differently from you.

themightysossidge · 20/04/2025 13:55

You were fuck buddies and had established the rules I suppose? It was a long time and yes it will hurt. I think you would be thinking why does he want to dump me for someone else he sees more of a future with? It happens in situations like this. It wasn't really casual if you were depending on it though.

outerspacepotato · 20/04/2025 14:00

3 years is a long time to invest in no strings sex and I would say if you're really feeling gutted you got very used to having him on call and are disappointed he's met someone he wants to pursue a relationship with.

But, there's chocolate. Indulge.

Seagreensmokeyblue · 20/04/2025 14:00

TorroFerney · 20/04/2025 13:49

Yes which is what she is saying but also saying it’s a bit of a fag to have to go and find someone else. It’s a bit like when your hairdresser moves, objectively you know you can easily find another one but it takes effort and you may get one who doesnt do your hair quite like the last one did.

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My goodness I know a lot of people don't take sex seriously but if it really is on a level with going to get your hair done it really has been reduced to a meaningless and trivial act.

And if that's the case it makes it even more inexplicable why OP thought the end of her sexual arrangement was worth posting about. I mean if it's only " a bit of a fag" to find someone who wants to have sex with her I'm sure she won't be inconvenienced for long.

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