Dumped by FWB on Easter

[Cushionette]

I’m not religious and it’s not a ‘proper’ relationship so i shouldn’t really be sad that he’s ended it over Easter. But I still am! Pretty gutted actually. Lucky that it’s literally a festival of chocolate today. Would it be wrong to eat several entire eggs as a coping mechanism?

Perfect FWB scenario. Three years since I met him on Tinder having had a couple of years of post-divorce dating without any kind of romantic or sexual spark with anyone. He’s a lovely man but wasn’t looking for anything serious and I wasn’t bothered either. I fancied the pants off him though and our second ‘date’ was bedroom-based. Since then that’s all we’ve done. Literally nothing else. One of us will text the other to arrange a time, we’ll meet, a quick text to say thanks afterwards, and repeat again after a few weeks. No contact in between. It’s been brilliant. That gap in my life has been safely filled and I’m free to look after the kids and myself and our busy lives the rest of the time.

I’ve gone on the odd date with others, and so has he. We’re open about it with each other and with them. But he has now met someone he really likes so he’s told me that it means we can’t see each other any more. I totally understand and respect that, and wouldn’t want it any other way. I don’t have romantic feelings for him and we wouldn’t work as a proper couple for various reasons even if I wanted it.

But still… gutted. I’ll miss our thing. I’ll have to get out there again to meet men, most of whom (no offence to any lurking men reading this) really don’t float my boat in any way whatsoever. Nothing to look forward to or arrange in that field after a boring day at work.

Not sure what the answer is really. Just a bit sad today. Never mind. Good luck to him though. Now, where’s that chocolate?

Your advise is terrible. You need a reboot.

So why do you call it a FWB situation when, by your own admission, you are not friends in any sense if the word?

You were 2 people using each other for " no strings " sex and as such feelings weren't, or weren't supposed to be, a factor.

He had the right, as did you, to finish this arrangement at any time and for whatever reason.

I certainly wouldn't want sex with someone if there were no feelings and I wouldn't want an arrangement like the one you had. It sounds, if you are upset, that you also don't have the right mentality for clinical sex.
Perhaps you should use this as a learning opportunity about yourself.

FWB doesn't mean you have to be friends, it can mean being matey/friendly. Who actually cares if you wouldn't want a FWB situation? What do your preferences have to do with the OP? How is your advice helpful?

Why call it Friends with benefits if you are not friends? Call it something else then that actually describes the relationship!
It's like this ridiculous and totally confusing way so many people talk about " girls" when they are actually talking about adult women. Why use the wrong language?

I mentioned my personal preference to make the point everyone does not have the mentality to cope with a sexual relationship without feelings.

I don't have any advice for the OP because tbh she entered into this relationship of her own free will and if the guy has ended it, as he was equally free to do, then she just has accept it .
And, as I said in the post you have taken inexplicable exception to, learn from her experience.

If he wanted to be with you he would be...it's as simple as that. He's in a relationship now and I would...forget, put him in the past and just move on. Life's too short

I think you’re missing the point.
its perfectly possible to have friends for all sorts of mutual shared interests
I have friends I go to yoga with / have coffee with / play cards with / walk with / have sex with . If they didn’t want to play cards or go for walks we might not be friends anymore because the mutual interest has gone.
Same applies to those lovely fun , joyful friends you may have sex with - once that’s off the table you don’t have many shared interests . But you still like and respect them.

OP , rouse the teens , blow away the cobwebs , eat the chocolate and be very glad you had him .
I will wish another one along soon for you , it’s fine to feel a bit sad.

It sounds like they both used each other so there was no ‘used’ really. They both got what they wanted. The OP didn’t want anything more. Why do you find it so hard to understand that women also can enjoy stringless sex.
the app is sad because she enjoyed what they had. Not because she wanted more.
he no doubt enjoyed what they had. But now he’s met someone with whom he wants a full relationship.
there is no ‘used’ here

I’m still in cordial touch with two FWB from years ago. I went to one of their weddings.

It sounds that this arrangement suited the OP too.

Newsflash: some women like sex for the sake of it too!

Frankly, it sounds like an ideal arrangement and I can understand why you're gutted OP. Most women lead busy lives full of work, interests, friends and family, and being in a proper relationship with a man is time consuming and often involves a lot of emotional labour that is frequently unreciprocated. Often, we can get everything we need- better- from our friends. Apart from just that one thing....😉

You’re better off without him. Don’t let him crawl back when whoever he’s dumped you for doesn’t work out.

What is this fucking straight-from-the-manosphere nonsense? 🙄

Women are able to just enjoy sex too, I don't see how's he's been using her. From the opening post it seems like they both got what they wanted - no hint that OP wanted more at all.

OP knows the score, she's just a gutted that a good thing jas come to an end, which is completely understandable.

Eat the eggs, OP!

But in OP's case he wasn't even a friend.

From what I know about Internet dating most of the guys only do it because they are looking for sex.

So if that's all OP is looking for then she will easily replace her old sexual partner with a different one.

Of course she found him very attractive. That’s pretty much essential for a FWB as the whole point is it’s someone to have sex with.

not sure what you mic drop ‘rest my case’ is all about as you actually come across as a bit mad and stuck somewhere in the last century.

the OP has said she’s not really super sure about bothering to keep in touch as the only purpose this man has for he in her life was to satisfy her sexually. So why would she ask him to stay friends when she doesn’t really want or need that from him?

maybe you should explore your own sexuality a bit more as you seem to tie sex up with how you value yourself as a person. That’s sad and very unevolved

Why call it Friends with benefits if you are not friends? Call it something else then that actually describes the relationship!

For goodness sake, it's a euphemism - people use them every day without people taking umbridge.

Tell me you're judged without tell me you're judgey 😅

Sex is easy to find; good sex with someone you have chemistry with and get on with is extremely hard to find. It's not just a case of any dick will do.

It’s not easy to replace as she has to fund someone she fancies the pants off and who satisfies her sexually and who is generally a nice person and who is happy to disappear in between encounters.
seeing that people in MN struggle to fund even one of those characteristics it’s hardly piece of cake to find someone who satisfies all of them.

Better of them want to ‘be with’ the other.

there is no moving on required. The OP is quite normal to feel bummed that her sex friend is no longer available. That’s all she’s communicating.

Exactly. Add in a man who is nice, respectful and safe and you're onto a good thing.

It takes a surprising amount of time, effort and luck to find one like that.

Yep.

OPs allowed to feel sad about the end of a good fun thing.

Doesn't mean anyone has been used or devalued.

You say you meet up for a shag every few weeks and then say this:

Nothing to look forward to or arrange in that field after a boring day at work

What do you do all the other evenings in between those booty calls? It sounds really sad but are you overdramatic about it because you feel miffed?

Have an egg and buy a vibrator. Don't rely on a man for pleasure if you're going to get emotionally attached. It's very hard to do I think, particularly for women. I think in most cases fwb is the name for using people for sex and getting away with not treating them very well. It's fine if both are on the same page but someone usually gets hurt or feels used. Hope you feel better soon.

‘In that field”. Nothing to arrange in the field of a nice shag. Plenty going on elsewhere.

Crikey, what human being walks away from a 3 year shag buddy that they had a lot of fun with, without a bit of sadness, especially when it's the other person ending it.

It doesn't mean she can't handle a casual arrangement, it just means she's not a robot. 🙄