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Original poster

Woman and DH messaging nearly everyday

509 replies

Beachybabe · 14/04/2025 20:43

Married 15 years, 2dc. All been pretty good between us. But, Dh recently became friends with one of his colleagues and now she messages him nearly every day. I’m ok with the occasional message but she’ll send him photos of her dinner, where she is that day and other messages. Don’t seem flirty but this feels way too intense. She’s single/younger than him. Both teachers so when it’s the school holidays her contacting him ramps up to this almost daily level.
He says nothing wrong with it and to stop being weird but I think its a bit concerning. Why does she want to share so much with him and why does he keep it going by replying to her messages? Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Beachybabe · 14/04/2025 20:44

And she buys him little gifts every now and then for no reason.

OP posts:
LuvACustardCream · 14/04/2025 20:48

Beachybabe · 14/04/2025 20:44

And she buys him little gifts every now and then for no reason.

This is what would really get me. Is he a complete innocent? She is very obviously after something.

LillyPJ · 14/04/2025 20:51

He says there's nothing wrong with it? Maybe that's what he believes, but I wouldn't agree. It doesn't sound right to me. Doesn't his colleague have any other friends?

LondonFox · 14/04/2025 20:56

Nah they are both flirting.
Older bloke who is just having single, young colleague as a friend? Nope.

alcoholnightmare · 14/04/2025 20:58

It’s never Giles in accounts is it?
Id be telling him to pack this in, or you’ll leave. He’s verging on the early stages of an emotional affair

Alwaystired23 · 14/04/2025 21:11

alcoholnightmare · 14/04/2025 20:58

It’s never Giles in accounts is it?
Id be telling him to pack this in, or you’ll leave. He’s verging on the early stages of an emotional affair

Exactly. I started reading another similar thread earlier. It's always a female, extra points for younger and single. They're always going through a "tough time", usually the end of a relationship, and the man is just "helping them through a tough time" they're "just friends", the wife is "crazy" because of course there's nothing going on 🙄

Mumlaplomb · 14/04/2025 21:11

alcoholnightmare · 14/04/2025 20:58

It’s never Giles in accounts is it?
Id be telling him to pack this in, or you’ll leave. He’s verging on the early stages of an emotional affair

Agree with this I’m afraid. Single woman giving him lots of attention is an ego boost perhaps. But would he be happy if you were messaging a younger single male colleague every day? If he brought you gifts? Doubt it !

TheMimsy · 14/04/2025 21:26

@Beachybabe i always ask myself if I would be bothered if the sex's were flipped.

would he behave this way with a male colleague? Does he have many male teacher friends he gets gifts from. Would he feel it appropriate to start buying her little gifts…

Would he like it if you behaved this way with a male vs female colleague?

Dressinggown08 · 14/04/2025 21:29

My DP did this with a female friend from work. We are now separated and they are together. It's definitely emotional affair territory.

Jinglehop · 14/04/2025 21:34

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this. Maybe you should invite her round for dinner to save her the trouble of sending pictures and having a chat with them both about what is, and what isn’t appropriate behaviour.

Youcanpayit · 14/04/2025 21:45

Alwaystired23 · 14/04/2025 21:11

Exactly. I started reading another similar thread earlier. It's always a female, extra points for younger and single. They're always going through a "tough time", usually the end of a relationship, and the man is just "helping them through a tough time" they're "just friends", the wife is "crazy" because of course there's nothing going on 🙄

Show quote history

Yep. A shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.

I'd be absolutely furious. He's getting his ego stroked. Sending photos of her tea indeed 🙄 I can't imagine anyone at work wanting to see a photo of my tea, but I work with all women.

Original poster
Beachybabe · 14/04/2025 21:58

Youcanpayit · 14/04/2025 21:45

Yep. A shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.

I'd be absolutely furious. He's getting his ego stroked. Sending photos of her tea indeed 🙄 I can't imagine anyone at work wanting to see a photo of my tea, but I work with all women.

Show quote history

I think she’s out of order and disrespectful but if I speak about it I get shut down and then we end up rowing with me in the wrong.
He said she’s having a hard time and he’s being a mate and that’s all.

OP posts:
Seachanger · 14/04/2025 22:05

Beachybabe · 14/04/2025 21:58

I think she’s out of order and disrespectful but if I speak about it I get shut down and then we end up rowing with me in the wrong.
He said she’s having a hard time and he’s being a mate and that’s all.

Edited
Show quote history

So he is already prioritising her over you: her feelings matter more to him than his Dw's.
He is having an emotional affair OP.
You need to remind him that you are supposed to be in a monogamous relationship and he should be honouring the boundaries of your marriage.

ButchCassidysSundanceKid · 14/04/2025 22:20

Keep an eye on this. It happened at my educational workplace - an older married staff member became 'friends" with a younger, single teacher. The rumour mill was very busy for months, but any speculation was shut down as malicious gossip. They're now together, and he's divorcing his wife of 20 years. Sorry OP but I second what other posters have said. He's enjoying the ego stroking and changing the narrative so you're the unreasonable one, which isn't a good sign at all.

Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 22:26

What gifts?
seriously?
what can she get him that you his wife hasn’t or can’t
this is beyond disrespectful OP

Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 22:28

Does this women know he is married?
I work in the public sector ,NHS,we all chit chat with colleagues but buying a married colleague little gifts is bizarre!

Youcanpayit · 14/04/2025 22:33

Beachybabe · 14/04/2025 21:58

I think she’s out of order and disrespectful but if I speak about it I get shut down and then we end up rowing with me in the wrong.
He said she’s having a hard time and he’s being a mate and that’s all.

Edited
Show quote history

I'm sure she's got mates that she's known for decades, who can help her out without crossing boundaries at her workplace.

I'd probably meet it head on and say what it is out loud. "You're crossing a boundary at work, you're feeling flattered by the attention of a young woman and lapping it up like a dog. I don't like it. This is going to cause a big problem if you don't stop it now".

TwistedWonder · 14/04/2025 22:37

She’s got a crush and he’s enjoying the attention imo.

They're being disrespectful to you though and I agree with a PP that he’s consciously choosing to prioritise her feelings over yours which is a massive red flag.

Cardinalita90 · 14/04/2025 22:39

I come at this very much from the perspective of a single person with male married friends, but her behaviour is 100% crossing a line. Under no circumstances should she be buying him presents or sending him daily texts/photos. They're both interested and on their way to an affair - she needs to be respecting boundaries in the same way he does.

You risk pushing it underground if you continue with the current approach so how about saying to him you'd like to meet her? If there's nothing to it (unlikely) he'll have no issue introducing you in a casual setting. If he's got something to hide or she turns it down, that tells you everything.

OneFineDay13 · 14/04/2025 22:42

This is really out of order he is basically having an emotional affair right under your nose! I would give him an ultimatum. Stop all the cosy chats and texting or dump him

Imsurethatimcertain · 14/04/2025 22:46

It's such a boring cliche and utterly pathetic. He's nothing more than a cliche. I can guarantee you won't be the loser here. Kick him out, the saddo.

stayathomer · 14/04/2025 22:48

Sometimes all men understand is ‘but how would you feel if it were me and a man was messaging?’

Boreded · 14/04/2025 22:58

Do a scoot round of a few of the posts about DHs having female ‘friends’ who are ‘having a hard time’ and you’ll see most of them ending in an affair.

he needs to get a new job and a new phone number.

Boreded · 14/04/2025 22:58

Boreded · 14/04/2025 22:58

Do a scoot round of a few of the posts about DHs having female ‘friends’ who are ‘having a hard time’ and you’ll see most of them ending in an affair.

he needs to get a new job and a new phone number.

Or a new place to live

CharityShopMensGlasses · 14/04/2025 23:05

Oh this sounds horrible. Id definitely invite her over. Break the spell. Let her see him at home and all you have as a family.
I'm sad for you OP that he isn't protecting what you have.