Glam & Fab Part 5 - Summer Loving

[macdoodle]

Gosh time for a new thread already
I'm up for a half term meet - tis the week of the bank hol here 26 May - I will be with sis in Hitchin prob from Sun 25 May most of that week so up for London or roundabout meetup

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McD wow at yor little dd giving her away i bet you will be very proud, as you say they can be passed as tears of happiness!

Baffy well done you, you should be very proud of yourself. This is the beginning of making new memories that don't involve h at all. You have done all of this off your own back, when he is old enough ds will be very proud of you!

oh my goodness, we fill 'em up fast eh!

good choice of title too.

i'd be up for a half term thing altho bit tricky with working full time.

i have got the friday after the bank holiday off tho.

Just adding this to my list will catch up soon

Hello girlies - another thread already. We can gas can't we!!
TFM - I'm sure it will be nothing, keeping everything crossed for you. Glad P is being supportive and you know we are all here for you.
Baffy - Well done you! You are obviously doing a brilliant job of holding it all together and juggling everything, even if you don't feel like you are at times. Hang on in there, as the others say when ds is at school it will get so much easier.
Tannee - Stick to your guns, why should you sell your home that you love so much. All the things you list that your DP is finding so hard are mostly things we all have to face at some point in our lives. Its not as if your dd is a toddler is she? She's a young woman and I can't imagine her being too hard to live with (not like some teenagers I know!)
I haven't been posting much on here lately as there is nothing to say really. DP is still trying hard not to drink and apart from the odd lapse he is doing quite well. He has got his counselling appointment through for next Tuesday and I'm going to Al Anon on Monday (couldn't go this week as no babysitter and didn't want to tell anyone where I was going!). Hopefully these appointments will put us on the right track, but if not then I'm ready to call it a day really. I'm leaving it to fate, if its meant to be it will work out, if not then I'll be OK as long as I've got my boys.
MacD - have a lovely day at your sisters wedding and push the bad thoughts to the back of your mind. These men need to learn that they can't cherry pick the good times and walk away when the going gets tough.
Sorry this is all a bit jumbled. Got to go out in 2 minutes!!!!

Right, have just finished work so have awarded myself a little MN catch up!

Dior, did you make any progress on the meet-up? I'd like to try and come too if I can. (Hopefully car will work for the whole journey next time and not just half!) I couldn't stop smiling when you said you were so proud. I love the protectiveness we all have of each other! How are you doing? Any nice plans for the weekend?

Ginnedup I'm glad you both have the appointments lined up. You're both doing all you can and hopefully he will show some committment this time and prove he can do it. I think your attitude is great though. Do all you can, but what will be will be. I have everything crossed for you both.

Tanee definitely don't lose the house if you can help it. My biggest regret, and sadness, was that I didn't spot his affair earlier and manage to keep my home. I loved it. We chose the plot, watched it get built week by week, chose everything inside right down to the door handles! It really was 'our' home. I don't think I'll be able to get something on a par with that for a very long time! £60k it cost us. Only 6 years ago. It's worth £160 now!! Imagine trying to get a mortgage on that on my own!!

I can waffle can't I!

Point is though, everything your dp is going through is hard, but in the scheme of things, not devastating to the point where he can't continue and he bails out! I know that's hard to see when you're in the midst of things, but I hope you do get some quality time to talk this all through. Because really, I'd just like to shake him and tell him he doesn't know how lucky he is!!!

HW I've seen some of the fantastic advice you've been giving on the relationship threads lately. And you too lilyloo. I think you're both amazing and you don't know just how much of a lifeline you are to people who come on here so desperately in shock and need of support.
I'm so lucky you're my friends.
You should be so proud of yourselves that not only have you come out of such devastating times yourselves and moved on to much stronger and happy relationships - but also that you have the strength and ability to use the wisdom you now have, and the lessons you've learnt, to help others in need.
You're very special ladies.

I find the support hard right now as it's so raw and difficult for me. But I hope I can get to where you two are very soon

TFM are you ok? How's the garden?

PC haven't seem much from you lately either. How's things? Any news on that house? And H?

Macd how are you doing?

Has anyone seen lilybubble lately too??

I'll shut up waffling on now. Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Need to admit it - am not coping at all - very tearful, house a mess, paperwork not done, shouty and snappy with DD1 - just don't want to/can't do this alone
Have no idea how I am going to manage when I am back at work (3 weeks monday)

I have those days more often than not too. Don't want to/can't do this alone.

Some things we can't do alone. I know we have to accept that and find ways round it.
But you're coping great. I really think you start to feel like this when you're getting to the point of knowing that it really is over.
Rather than thinking 'what if' and living in some false hope of the old H coming back, you're starting to look at the reality of the future.
I know that it seems crap right now.
But in a weird way, you are moving forward. This is just a stage you need to get through.

Once you get back to work and realise you can do it you will feel better I promise.

I know you'll miss them like mad. I remember that feeling of going back like it was yesterday. But you are doing what you need to do to provide for your children. You are being the best parent you can possibly be.
Which is a damn sight more than he is doing!

You should be so proud of yourself. I know your girls will be.

I wish I was closer I'd help you in a shot.

Thanks Baffy knew you would understand - think you may be right and I have finally realised that the old H is never coming back, that he is never going to change, that I will never trust him enough again - and feel like I have gone back 2 years to when I first found out and am grieving the loss of my marriage all over again - am not going to let him keep walking all over me though it is knocking my self confidence flat.... gotta go to bed worn out with sadness

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McD hope your feeling a little stronger today. You can do this am sure Baffy is right in that you are going though the grieving process of it being 'over' not wondering 'if'. That is probably why you feel like you did when you found out, but you haven't gone back two years. You know you can cope on your own, you don't need him, you have your lovely dd2 and you are at the end of the road. You are bound to feel exhausted you have been on an emotional rollercoaster for two years but focus on the future now.
Others have been their and have come through the other side and so will you.

Baffy bloody and that another woman somewhere is suffering again! Honestly am sure we could write a book between us. Sadly i don't think any man would read it!
I suppose it's good to know we aren't alone, but it really makes me want to wrap up my dd's and protect them and to instill the value of trust and honesty in ds, i can't ask for dp's help in that though can i

Hope everyone else ok am going out tonight for my best friends 30th so am off to get ready.

Well he was a total prat this morning (long story been boring RL friends to tears with it so won't go into it again) so I texted him and asked him not to come round the house unannounced when it suits him and he can see kids of course but I would appreciate some notice and some organisation - he ignored me which really riled me (I think this has been bubbling for a while)...
So I stormed around to his shop (with poor little DD2) and basically lost it - told him he was a useless selfish excuse for a father and H, he told me to get out of his shop I told him when he could pay the bills it would be his shop and until then it was in fact MY shop ...he ignored me grr after slamming door....
So I told him he could either discuss it with me, but I was filing for divorce so best he get a solicitor - if I am honest I don't feel any better just sad and tired and have to resist phoning or texting him (I haven't)....and am determined to go through with it - every time I feel sorry for him or sad I just remember how I felt when I found out and every time after that and all the terrible things he did without caring about my feelings and the fact that even now he doesn't seem to care about me at all - he can't even see I am struggling never mind care
Hard day today DD1 has activity after activity, then friend for sleepover tonight so poor DD2 been in and out of car not had proper nap or feed so very tired and grumpy this eve but is finally asleep, and older girls being angels in bed watching DVD with "midnight snack"....house looks like 2 very big bombs have exploded - gonna have tidy up (will make me feel better) glass of wine try and settle 2 exuberent 6 year olds and go to bed......am so tired of it all

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Hi girls - well, I stay offline a couple of days and you start a new thread. Are we nearing the record for longest ongoing threads?

Well, Cardiff lost and so the hystrionics last night were better than a dose of Eastenders! I just sat back and watched. We're picking up the pieces now, so I'll fill you all in tomorrow - but suffice to say, I've advised DP's BIL to contact Al Anon as DP's sister has a MAJOR drink problem - and he drinks a fair bit too and he was in despair. He's still the most annoying man I've ever met, but I felt quite sorry for him. I feel so sorry for all of them - went to bed about 3am with most of the household in shock - even one of the cats produced a mega hairball under the guests' bed to show her feelings.

Families, eh?

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Well have managed minimal contact all weekend and TBH I feel better/calmer for it - just texted him today to ask if he was having DD's tomorrow as arranged (I am going shopping for dress for wedding) he actually managed a somewhat civil text back asking what time feels odd but right (though will have to find someone else now to put up my shelves and do my flat packs )...
Small steps forward now we need to talk about the business/finances before my solicitors appt ...still very
Hope everyone had a lovely weekend TFM thinking of you hope you are ok let us know any news x

Feeling a bit of a pratt myself today - had far too much wine and sun yesterday which resulted in me picking a fight with DH . I said some really nasty things too . And the Dc's heard some of it too.
So now i have the guilt of that and a hangover and no weekend left.

So feeling a bit sorry for myself.

DH is being fantastic though (but i wouldnt blame him for not being at the moment). We both know it was the drink - but i still dont feel any better about it.

Thanks baffy for your lovely words, it means a lot to me to have you all as friends.

Have a lovely week everyone.

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Yes you are right dior, I am trying not to dwell on it too much.

Hi everyone

Just popping in to say hello and wish everyone a good week.

HW, one of the reasons I don't drink is that whenever I do my mouth runs away with me and the truth does out don't beat yourself up about it, it will have done you good to let rip

Happy Monday everyone -

MacD - big hug to you - you've made a stand for yourself and your DDs- but I'm sure you are making the right decison - at the least, it shows him that he can't have things his way any more. Good luck with the financial discussions.

GU, let us know how Al Anon goes tonight. I've been checking up on local venues for DP's BIL.

HW, don't be too upset at your outburst - I'm sure H knows he deserves it and will take it in the right 'spirit' .

Dior, glad the hairball amused. Boy, DP's family are seriously dysfunctional! His sister was projecting all her personal misery into Cardiff's loss. She won't recognise she needs help. We managed to avoid them all day - DP and his mum had separate seats and DD and I spent a day shopping for a prom frock (found a vintage Ben de Lisi velvet dress for £20!!!). But they rolled in about 11pm and she fell off a chair trying to remove her flipflops! It just went downhill from then - she was weeping over the match, retreated to the kitchen, started wailing, DP went in to try to comfort her, they got into a shouting match, BIL was in the front room telling me about her alcoholism and how his father warned him and sometimes he wakes up hoping she's died in the night, their mother came down from bed & told them it wasn't fair to me or DD to subject us to their behaviour, BIL told her it was all her husband's fault for what he did to his children, so now she's all upset and barely speaking to them. DD was wide awake in bed listening to all this. DP confiscated any open bottles and all the corkscrews and we took them to bed with us! (now he knows a little of what I've felt like when he's had too much! In fact, I haven't seen DP drink so little for years!

The good thing is that we'll never have them to stay again. I felt like DP's drinking has a long way to go before he reaches his sister's depths! We didn't get a chance to talk about our own problems, but he was very glad to see me and brought me a sample of a curtain fabric he'd seen at Birmingham Market, so I think that, at the moment, he's backed away from the idea of selling up - tentative .

The bad news is that we haven't heard the last of it - every time she drinks too much, he'll be on the phone to DP and we'll get dragged into it, and that always depresses DP.

So for once, someone else in the family has eclipsed our own problems!

Tanne maybe it was good for him to see how out of control things can get with drinking, it could have been a glimpse into the future for him and hopefully enough for him to not like it!

HW been there done that. Funnily enough a close friend of mine has split up with her partner and she was on the phone last night and i was chatting to her and dp was listening and i was symapathising with her telling her all the things we often say on here. It was quite cathartic and i could tell dp had an ear out whilst he was on comoputer. The drink sometimes makes you let go and say things you bury away. I wouldn't feel too guilty as he knows that despite the brave face this will always be part of your life and you will be hurt by it forever. Let him feel guilty but wouldn't advocate it obviously

McD well done you. I doubt you will feel happy about it but you will feel emotionally stronger and he needs to know how you feel and obviously you have to tell him as he chooses to ignore it. You are doing the right thing and well done on avoiding contact other than the dd's.
at you saying it's your shop bet he didn't like that.
Hope you get something lovely for the wedding might be nice to pamper yourself and book some treatments, your hair done etc. before the day then send him a photo of the 3 of you and tell him what a lovely day you had without him!

TFM glad to see your still popping in Make sure you let us know what happens Fri.

Well all ok here dp got a new job to start after our hols, we off to Lanzarote (luckily booked and paid for last year) on Sunday will be glad of the break.

Feeling a bit better now - tried to have a good day with DD.
DH is now coming home tonight after all, as he has re-arranged his day. Just makes me feel even more guilty - but even worse means i will have to tidy up .

No time to read but will catch up in a bit.

Am off work - H and OW up to the old tricks again. Call at 2am. Unknown number. Was OW. Screaming and crying - H beat her up.

To cut a very long story short. He's never ever stopped seeing her - quelle surprise! She's been off the pill for 4 months and he knew that, but continued to sleep with her. Hoped it would all be ok. She is now saying she's pregnant.

They went out last night. Had a massive fight which resulted in them both neearly being locked up. He grabbed her by the throat because she was going mental. She's saying he bashed her head against the wall and hit her! She's now threatening to press charges.

He stormed off from that fight, (then she rang me!! no idea what I have to do with it or what the hell I was supposed to do!) he drove his car, after drinking, smashed it into a wall and has written it off!!

I was on the phone to him for over 2 hours while he sobbed and screamed how he hated her and hated himself and wanted to die in the car! How me and ds are the only good things in his life and he's destroyed that. Er, no shit!
He was standing by the sea, where he lives, so I stayed on the phone, calmed him down and made sure he was back inside safe.

Now aside from my total anger at them dragging me into THEIR domestics yet again! I am utterly disgusted that he has knowingly slept with her without contraception and they may now be bringing a child into their f*cked up lives!!

He's saying he never wants to see 'the whore' again! Bit late for that I think. (And I've heard it all before.)

But - above all, it's confirmed that he's on a self destruct mission that absolutely nobody can get him out of. He's destroyed his life and I can no longer help him. I no longer want to help him. In fact, I'd be happy never to see him again.

I am going round to his with my parents once ds is asleep tonight - no more excuses for not signing the papers. By tomorrow they will be done!

Don't feel any sadness right now. Anger. Disgust. And I can't wait to be free from the 2 of them. He'll never ever learn.

I knew I was doing the right thing. But this has been the final push in the right direction!

I can't believe that someone I've known for 16 out of 30 years of his life has transformed into this monster within 12 months. Scary.

Will catch up with everyone else later xx

p.s. when do you think a soap opera will want the rights to this story?! I know it's a bit far fetched for a soap, but I'm sure they can tame it so it's more believable!!

Oh Baffy what a nightmare - she has serious problems with you and is trying to get to him through you, at least you know that neither of them is truely happy. I dont think she ever will.
You have given H a son and turned him into a father that is something she will never take from you and she knows that. Even if she does have a child with him it will not be the same and she knows it.
You are fantastic and i think you are right to get the papers signed asap - he is more of a liability at the moment.

I am so sorry he seems to be on a self-destruct mission, I remember when my DH was just like that and it is so scary to watch. I do think he needs to really hit rock bottom before he can get himself out.

We are here for you if you need us.