Glam & Fab Part 5 - Summer Loving

[macdoodle]

Gosh time for a new thread already
I'm up for a half term meet - tis the week of the bank hol here 26 May - I will be with sis in Hitchin prob from Sun 25 May most of that week so up for London or roundabout meetup

Thanks macd

I think you're right. It's just that less than a week ago we talked about moving in together again. What would I do? Lie in bed night after night while he runs off to help her and look after the child? Keep his tea warm in the oven if he's late home after seeing them?! Send her pocket money over with him each day?!

He will have daily contact with her. Forever. I can't do it.

On Sunday he told her he was telling me. He asked for a few hours peace while he told me.

She gave him an hour. Then rang and rang and rang. Eventually I told him just to answer it.
The woman has no decency.
He spoke to her for half an hour. While I sat there!!
She then bombarded him with texts saying he needed to go to her house immediately and take her food. She hadn't eaten all day and 'this baby will die if I don't eat' was one of the messages!

She lives, I swear on my life, about 20 yards from a row of shops including a co-op and fast food shops. And she couldn't feed herself?!

This is exactly the sort of thing I mean though.

She couldn't even allow us a couple of hours so he could tell me this news. It will only get worse.
If she can't feed herself. How will she feed this child?

Sugar, WW - thanks for the messages.

You're both helping so much too.

The sad thing, as I said to both of you, is that H and I agreed that neither of us has been truly happy since the day we separated. All those times I gave him another chance were because I knew we were both happier together than apart.

We both finally discussed that and acknowledged it last week. I think that's what gave us the strength to say we wanted to try again.

And now this...

Baffy i am so very sorry for you and ds.
I think enough is enough too. That doesn't have to mean forever but for now you need to step away.
Course h wants you and ds now, who is going to help him sort this mess out. Please say no.
As for her and their child that isn't your problem. You can seperate it as McD said but she is a lot further along.
For your own sanity you need to stop letting her rule your life. She has got what she wanted she thinks but i fear this will be the demise of their relationship. Sadly you are right she isn't just going to accept that and for some reason your h isn't man enough to walk away from her , and let's face it now he can't even though i think he may want to.
Please don't be his prop any longer. Take your mum on Thursday. Ds is what matters and he deserves you more than h ever will.
H needs to deal with this on his own and you need to take back control of your life from that evil, sick woman.

Thanks lily

I'm going to take ds alone. And I have booked us into a hotel with a swimming pool close by to stay afterwards.

I didn't think I could face going. But if I'm to keep this positive attitude then my son isn't missing out because of them.
And hotels/swimming are his absolute favourite things. He's obsessed with 'holidays' even if it's just a night in a hotel after a wedding/christening/family party or something!

I won't let her beat me. She's caused my son to see his mother in such a state of distress that he was actually scared. He thought it was his fault. She has no idea what she's doing. None. I don't think anyone could intentionally be this evil.
Thing is though, she just doesn't care.

I'm sorry for fgoing on

Baffy go on all you want love my heart is breaking for you , it really is.

You do know yur ds will get you through this. Just think back to when you found out about her.

I am just dumbfounded that you have given h so many chances to make this right and he has taken advantage of the fact that he thinks you will always be there for him. If this was me i think this would have to be the final betrayal tbh

He just has such a lack of conscience for your or ds feelings at the minute that i can't see how being with him is going to work.

For god's sake he couldn't even tell her to go away whilst he was telling you this.

He is too weak and he is dragging you down . You have been such a fantastci wife to him and i fear he won't ever realise that unitl you have walked away.

Please take care of yourself though she will not finish you off. You will win because you will be able to walk away from this mess, her and h are stuck with it.

Hi baffy

Gosh, I am exhausted just reading all of that so god knows how you must be feeling. I just want to let you know that I am thinking of you. I know how hard all of this is for you and how much your heart will be breaking BUT, I also know how strong you are and that you will get through this. Right now I would say you need a break from it all, you need to get away from the pair of them. You have been picking up H's mess for a long time now. It's time for you to think of yourself, get your head sorted with plans for your future.

I hope you don't mind me saying this but I think H needs to keep his business to himself too, stop bothering you with every little update. You have enough on your plate. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own mess without looking to you, he needs to stop feeling like the victim and stand on his own two feet! Let him deal with SG's himself! he got into this mess so he should be the one sorting it out.
I just worry that, while Baffy is thinking about everyone else, who is thinking about baffy? xxx

Message withdrawn

Baffy - please don't let them do this to you any more. She is evil and spiteful and although her baby is the innocent party in all this it is not your problem. You don't have to pay for his mistakes all your life, please don't let them drag you into their chaos any more.
Remember he was within a hairs breadth of getting you back and he blew it. She has manipulated him, but she couldn't have done it without his help could she?
You are right if he's dancing to her tune now, what will it be like when the baby is born, you will be stuck in the nightmare for years then.
Its a shame your Mum will lose her house, but that's not your responsibility either. You have spent the last 18 months looking after everyone else and now its time to put yourself and your gorgeous little ds first and move on.
By the way, ds1 was 3 when his dad left us, and it was a horrible time, I was pg and spent many nights in bed with ds crying my eyes out. I worried about the affect it would have on him, but he is fine and doesn't even remember it.
You'll be fine Baffy and you'll always have us.

Hi guys

Just to let you know I have had a text from PC and she made it! She had a good journey and arrived safely! I feel very proud of her.

Love to everyone else, especially you Baffy, I hope you are ok, thinking of you xxx

Thank you everyone.

I'l do a little update on facebook for things I don't want to write here.

I'm doing ok. I think I've pulled myself together a bit now.

Have been looking at houses (and feeling very excited by it!) and am having a glass of wine and some food now.

So I'm doing ok

Thank you xx

Well done PC

Baffy glad to hear your feeling a little better , i can't get on facebook so can't read up date but hope your ok x

It's nothing exciting really lily. H being his usual self and convincing me even further that I am best as FAR away from the two of them as possible xx

Come and live near me Baffy I will make sure they don't bother you xx

Message withdrawn

PC - Respect!!! That's a long drive. Well done you. See we don't even NEED these stupid men.
Baffy - glad you are feeling better. xx

That Teabag Tour Bus is sounding very appealing. PC could drive I think we would have a riot!

Baffy, I have replied to you on FB. You really are a truly amazing woman. The strength of your love for that man is breath taking. I want to give him a bloody good shaking!!!! xxx

Morning guys

I'm having a bit of a panic here. Have just gone onto FB and our little group and our latest 'discussion' is in my mini feed, meaning anyone can read it!! What has happened? Have we suddenly become public? How do we sort it? HELP!!

Hope all ok with everyone xxx

Ok I have looked, and I can't see it on anyone's mini feed?? So am wondering if that is something only you can see, but not the public. IYSWIM?

I can always delete the Group. Or all the discussions in the Group if people are worried. I know there's a hell of a lot of private stuff on there.

Let me know what you think xx

Dior and GU can you see it on your mini feed? Is it just me I'm still nervous about it. I vote for deletion considering the content of the discussions we have had and knowing how unstable SG's is!

Unless of course I'm just going barmey and it's only me this thing is happening to xx

Am going to get my little monster up and ready. Back in a bit xx

OK, trying to remain calm but, something funny is going on here. It has now disappeared from my mini feed!! It has gone!! Yesterday has disappeared!! Do you think it's a FB blip or something else is happening? Am I watching too much CSI and becoming paranoid?

TFM good morning, it isn't on my minifeed - hope it was a FB blip. Has anyone else seen it?

Baffy, oh, I do so feel for you. Do be kind to yourself - your mum sounds amazingly supportive. Leave H to sort himself out - as usual, he is asking you what to do - and this is something only he should sort out, you should not be dragged in. But loving him as you do, I feel so, so sad for you - of course you want things to be right - but HE needs to work this out for himself. I hope you enjoy your househunt.

As for me, I'm typing with a stinker of a headache - combination of too much wine last night and sitting up till after 4am again, because we finally started talking about things at about 10.30 at night! So will have to take another sikkie today - feel bad about work. Slept a lot yesterday, both of us, so my bodyclock is right out of sync.

No great breakthroughs in discussion, it was more a case of letting him express his feelings about how things have been since we bought this house - he says he started feeling negative pretty early on, and it's been building for about 18 months or more. It's even affecting his work - he's been quite unpleasant to one of the other actresses as things like her warming up voice exercises annoy him. He wouldn't look at the possibility of having a lodger or making some 'our space' in the bedroom as he says he just doesn't feel at home here.

But the one positive glimmer of hope, is that he has agreed to go to Relate - so we have an initial consultation this evening, and if that goes well, I shall have to start saving for counselling in the autumn. It's going to be yet another drain on my already overstretched finances but quite frankly I don't see any other way at present.

Did a fair bit of crying last night - feeling like I would like to step out of my life for awhile. I thought myself so happy - but I realise, he hasn't been - the increasing drink and disappearing libido demonstrate that. He still sees this as the only way to keep our relationship going and still says that's important to him - but I am afraid that if he forces me to give up this house - the first house I have owned in 50 years - and go back to living in a flat - I will hold it against him and that will do its own damage, even if HE feels happy.

Oh well, lots to raise with the counsellor tonight. I hope she's a good one!

Have to phone work now and go back to bed - to sleep I hope.

I do hope it was a FB blip Tanee. It sent me into a right panic thinking that SG could be reading our posts to Baffy!

Tanee I am so sorry this is happening to you. It's so sad when someone else's sadness, depression, unhappiness, whatever it is, takes away our own happiness. Why can't it ever be the other way around? Why can't someone else's happiness take away the other persons depression?

Please, please, please, do NOT sell your house. Whatever happens, keep your house. I know you love him and I understand how hard all of this is for you but please, think very carefully about things. How do we know that a house move or any other changes he may propose are going to make him happy? How do we know he isn't going to be just as miserable and blaming when he has had all of his own way, when you have pandered to his every whim. You could lose everything Tanee and be no better off for it. You have to protect yourself and DD. Personally, I wouldn't be making any drastic decisions until he has had counselling, I would also insist that he got help for his drinking. Once he has sorted himself out then I would I would chat with him again. But Tanee, it's a big ask/demand expecting you to sell your house and YES, you would rsent him for it later.

Don't give in to his emotional blackmail Tanee. He doesn't do the same for you does he? xxx

Hi. Just a quickie as I'm at work.
There's been nothing on my minifeed, but if there is any chance of anyone else reading our FB discussions I'd rather they were deleted too.
Maybe delete all the old ones and just have the current one there???
Hope you all have a good day (Tannee thinking of you )

I agree GU. It's really bugging me, I wonder why it just disappeared and where it went to. There was a link alongside it straight to my post on the thread My whole of yesterday has all gone now though.